Necole Bitchie had a blog a while back about how Michael Jai White’s wife Courtney proposed to him because she was tired of waiting. Ms. Bitchie was simply putting it out there that maybe it is okay for women to propose considering that our men are acting as if they don’t want to. She also quoted a very important quote that I’ll share with you over here.
“A stunned White beamed a Kool-Aid smile and responded affirmatively. “I was pleasantly shocked and didn’t feel emasculated at all, ” admits White. ”I immediately said ‘yes’ because I knew that I was going to spend the rest of my life with her whether we got married or not.”
Now, here’s where I get started. Well before I get into that quote, let me just say my piece on the topic. I for one, will not be proposing to no man, no time soon. Call me a traditionalist, call me conservative, call me Susan, I don’t care (Sorry Whitney). I just have very solid ideas for how relationships and marriage should work, and I hope to see those things through for myself. I honestly don’t feel as though my *hang-ups* regarding not proposing to a man will end up in me being single for life. In this day and age it seems like the lines are getting reeeeeaaaaaal blurry when it comes to who is the woman and who is the man. I believe in equal pay for women, and women’s rights and such, but (and maybe it’s my religious beliefs) I do believe that there are certain roles we play in relationships that allow things to work cohesively. No matter who makes the most money in my household the man will be the man and I will be the woman. That means he can act as provider, he can fix stuff, and I can be the nurturer and I can run the family. Doing these things doesn’t take away from my independence, my ability to also have a job or anything else (see: Michelle Obama, Claire Huxtable (but not the porn version!Nooo!)), or even not allow us to occasionally do things in the other’s role. This meaning, he cooks, or I mow the lawn. With that being said, AINT NO WAY, I’m going to let a man think he can be with me for the rest of my life with or without a spiritual commitment. The Bible says (here I go) “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing.” Not.. “She who finds a husband has found a good thing too.” I give props to Mrs. White (or is he Mr. Chatman?) for stepping to the plate and “putting a ring on it.” It just wouldn’t be me.
His above quote shows just how willing he was to keep her waiting for that special day. Was he planning on having children with her? While many feel like marriage is not a requirement for having children, I for one don’t plan on putting the cart before the horse. Things happen, true, but I don’t want to plan on it. In her situation she had only been dating him for a year. To her that may have been too long, and the pressure to get married may have been strong. I don’t think that’s too long to date before getting married so I know I wouldn’t have been feeling the itch too bad. However, to me, if its been years and he’s not asking I wouldn’t feel like marriage is something he wanted and proposing to him instead would be the last thing on my mind.
I really do wish the best for Mrs. & Mr. Chatman(white?) because no matter how they got there I love to see beautiful married couples. I just can’t wrap my mind around how I could possibly feel comfortable or good knowing that I had to ask HIM, and then knowing that he was content to never ask me at all!
What do the people say? Am I out of the loop and doomed for life until I accept this as a possible reality for myself? Was Beyonce off the mark and instead of bein up in the club, doin her own lil thang she should have put a ring on him? Who buys the ring? Surely she does. Then who puts it on who? Someone please, tell me how this works!
Questions, questions, DISCUSS!
Filed under: Sex/Relationships | Tagged: Beyonce, marriage, necole bitchie, relationships, single ladies |
JG* Runs The City 
What a disaster.
In the west, we’ve invented a stage of development called “adolescence” which exists nowhere else. It’s essentially a period where boys can slowly take on the characteristics of a man without being required to behave as one.
The problem with this is that it results in grown men living in their mother’s basements on into their 30s, just as an example. Even if a man is living on his own and working, he is often unable to cook, clean and tend to his civic responsibilities without coddling, goading, and shaming by the people who influence him.
There’s a devastating shift taking place as women grow wearing of the way men drag their feet on responsibilities and just “go with the flow” in their relationships. Men are no longer expected to lead in a relationship, and this is a huge, colossal, ginormous problem.
I’m not surprised that MJW didn’t feel emasculated at the time of the proposal, as a critical element of his manhood was obviously misplaced somewhere many moons prior.
I think I’m going to go chop some firewood or plow a field to earn the male species back some points. brb.
MJW ought to be ashamed of his damn self. How you bitch up so long that your woman decides to grow a pair so you guys can get married? If a man ain’t ready to get married, women, you have 2 options. Wait him out or leave.
As far as what Willie is saying, I always thought adolescence was a cop out. When you’re 16, you know what the hell is going on around you. I was 16 once. I didn’t know everything, but I wasn’t stupid. I live at home, @ 23, and I still maintain my manhood by not allowing my mother to control my life. IDK what’s up with these folks these days, but my son will not be getting coddled @ 30.
I mean what does manly even mean these days?…IDK, maybe buy a purse or get some lip gloss or something. That’s what our kids are going to be judging as manhood in the future. Disgusting.
Very late comment.
But as much as we women fight for equal rights and independence, many men fail to understand we still want a man to be just that…a man. Now I’m not into being slapped across the room non-stop, but I do love a man that asserts his dominance. As a woman, the bible says to submit to my husband and my husband will love me. As a semi-feminist I used to get upset and be like I’m not submitting to a man, but as I grow up I realize that submitting doesn’t mean becoming a doormat. In my mind, submitting means supporting your man and being beside him in all his endeavors. Like my future Soror Michelle Obama and Claire Huxtable (who’s i actually a Soror in real life).
Furthermore, I’ve been dreaming about my engagement for most of my life, I refuse to take that away from me :). Well written post though. Kudos!
@Adii, Michelle is non-exclusive.. so she’s like a “kinda soror” lol and Claire Huxtable was more than likely a Delta despite Phyllicia R. being an AKA. LOL
I just had to.