True Life: Will & Grace, I'm straight, he's gay.


Check out Men Sleeping With Men Part I HERE

So the last time we discussed this we talked about the idea of Men who sleep with Men but aren’t gay. The overall consensus was that this is in fact just an attempt for men to try to justify being down low or avoid the actual terms of Gay/Bisexual. However, since writing that and really doing my own research I don’t particularly agree with that. I know that’s a hard pill for many to swallow (myself included), but I do believe that men and women can separate sex from their sexuality. I’m not sure if I put that the right way. Perhaps that’s another post for another day.

This post is different though. It’s a bit cheeky and not so serious, yet something to think about.

It seems that actual gay/bisexual men are not hurting for women still! They are getting married! To women! Women who know! In our previous discussion most women said that they wouldn’t even continue to date a man who admitted to previously having slept with men. So what’s up with these women? Why would a woman marry a man who is admittedly gay and likes men? Here’s an excerpt of what one woman says about being a “Beard”.  She’s a reader of and had this to say:

I began talking to a guy in ATL (go figure) who is in a high power position and has worked close with some of the top dogs in the industry. He is gorgeous and real down to earth. Upon talking to him more and falling for him, we shared some erotic conversations & phone foreplay – it was then that I learned/felt he has some down-low ways in him. Naw, f*ck that, he was gay lol. One would think conversation would have stopped but I kind of felt for him, I was probably the first person in forever who he could completely be himself with.

She goes on to talk about how she pretty much fell for him, and while she did not actually continue that relationship with him, she could have seen herself doing it.  Additionally, Dwight Eubanks from the Real Housewives of ATL is  married!! He’s pretty openly gay & fabulous so *kanye shrug* I don’t get it. Maybe his Fiance is hoping to get a lifetime hook up on a good weave. I suppose she’s in it for the companionship.

I don’t think I could ever feel sorry for a man enough to be with him despite him not actually liking women. I can’t imagine that a Gay man would actually want sympathy over a partner that is equally loving and attentive as he is. I know that there are situations in which Gay men that have yet to make public their sexuality are able to muster arousal enough to have sex with a woman, and perhaps they are still straddling the fence.  However can they happily do this every single night? Hey…no jokes about how straight married couples don’t have sex every night. I will not believe it, I will not!

I know that the commonly held belief is that most Black Women will have slept with at least one man who has had relations with another man in his past, but this is considering that I don’t actually know it. So ladies, could you do it!? Could you date/MARRY a man who is openly (at least with you) gay or bisexual? Are there any Gay or Bisexual men out there who can see this situation working out for you? It is really worth it? Will you and the woman (or you and the man) be miserable later down the line because you pretty much just have a BFF and not a real husband or wife. I mean it could be nice depending on what you want in your marriage. Going back to the Will & Grace reference, I think those two (in TVLand of course) could have actually been happily married.  Yet at the same time,  I just feel like no matter what, denying what you really are and fighting it is never good in the end. Someone will crack. What if you have kids? Do you explain the situation truthfully to the children or do you simply lie to them to avoid confusion when your situation goes against societal norms?

I know this post was mainly about women dating gay men, but would it be different for a man to date or marry a gay woman? Sure stereotypically men go around talking about loving to see two women together and Kanye “would do anything for a blonde dyke” (apparently), but the reality is that most men I talk to would not seriously date a Lesbian. Reason being? She doesn’t like men. The men I know, not the boys, are truly not harnessing some strong desire to try to “switch” a woman.

So what say the people?


4 Responses

  1. I think that love for most men seems to always be about the “physical” and for women its more about the “mental/psychological” attraction.

    Its like women who are attracted to other women, and have relationships with them. They always say, “she gets me, she understands how I feel and who I am.” So a gay man providing that type of relationship really isn’t THAT different.

    The issue more or less is, are you okay with that gay man cheating on you as the wife. Is it cheating if you allow it? He’s a gay man, but you’re married to him. That’s where I get confused.

    Nice post!


  2. I think that a man can be straight, but sometimes be attracted to and be intimate with a man. Just like a a man can be gay, but sometimes be attracted to and be inimate with a woman.

    What about all of those woman who are straight, but make out with girls? If you ask a lot of them they won’t describe themselves as bi and I don’t think they should. They’re straight.

    This is probably going to sound weird, but sexuality doesn’t really have that much to do with who you sleep with. Think about it.

    I’m not going to get into the whole marriage issue because I haven’t fully figured that one out and I can’t argue either way.

  3. […] post is from here. Visit the link to read more.However can they happily do this every single night? Hey…no jokes […]

  4. Shoot, men don’t even really want to be serious with bisexual women because of sexual stereotypes. But yea. I would marry a gay man for companionship. But the gay man would have to be someone who is like a best friend, and I would probably want an open relationship. I mean, after all, marriage is about companionship, and not sex. So if you can have a great companion in someone, despite the sex being less, then go for it. Some people are fine without sex.

    By the way, I’ve seen this situation play out in real life. A friend of the family is gay and he’s married with a child. And he’s flamboyant-Jack-Mcfarland gay.

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