What exactly is a "Good Black Man"?

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I know that question seems kind of dumb, and everyone will have a different definition replacing some key elements here and there, but seriously, let’s talk about this. These days as women, particularly black women, are fretting about being independent and yet still single you often hear the phrase “I’m out here looking for a good black man.” This is saying that there’s a pool of black men out there, some are good, but most are bad, therefore this search is often difficult.

I don’t like that.

I especially don’t like that because often times I believe the criteria for “good” is lacking in real substance. I hear these women out there talking about having STANDARDS, and I agree wholeheartedly that one should have them. Hell, I have a pretty strict set of standards as well. My only issue is that half the time these standards have very little to do with what I believe make a relationship thrive. A pretty common concept for black women is having a man that has what they have i.e. a degree, corporate/impressive job, etc. However, nowhere in the rule books does it say that a degree guarantees that he will love you, nowhere in the rule books does it say that his job will keep him from slapping you across the room. The only thing the rule books say in that regard is that crappy people are crappy people regardless of what they have in life. Truth be told, and it pains me to say this, but “having what you have” is going to be harder and harder to find as the gap in education gets wider. That doesn’t necessarily mean the gap in good men is getting wider. Hell I know several people who have degrees and have no job, does that automatically stack them in the evil, undateable, unworthy pile? Not to me at least.

So please, can someone explain to me what this mysterious Good Black Man is all about? People talk about him as if he is a Centaur (no Iota…JOKES!), or a unicorn, or the lochness monster. People swear that the only ones that exist are snatched up by white women, or men with Prada shoes. This makes me laugh because I look around my circle of friends and I see PLENTY of Great Black Men. We’re in our twenties so many of them don’t have that first million in the bank. Chances are many of them never will only because that’s just the way the cookie crumbles. Sure we all want to be millionaires but the world aint big enough for all of us. But these men are great. Perfect? Of course not. However they have vision, goals, plans, put in hard work for the people they love, and they are just generally great to be around. Yet and still, while being their friend I’ve seen many a woman abuse what they had to offer, or leave them high and dry for that “greener grass” that amounted to nothing more than a financial upgrade.

Now I’m painting with a broad brush here but it seems that when women are looking for a “Good Black Man” what they are really wanting to see is his resume, not his character. Good School? Check. Good Job? Check. Own Property? Check. Check Check Check. Meanwhile overlooking the fact that he aint about a dang thing. I’m not saying these things aren’t great, but they can’t be the sole factors we consider. I’ve seen people fall for the above things without even considering the rest.

Sure I understand that you want security, but what if a man could provide that without a degree? Or without the pretty job? Would those things still matter? For the super-duper independent woman that laments how much she’s got her own and she doesn’t care what he’s talking, does it matter to you his pedigree? Since you have all that you could desire minus the man, it would seem to me that all you would be looking for is a man of the highest quality character regardless of what he owns. Yet and still, sometimes it’s these highly paid, highly successful, Benz driving women, that are out there boo-hooing because they can’t find a man that’s more successful, more paid, and driving a Benz and a Rover since that’s what they deserve for amassing their riches. It’s funny because you will see a million dollar man with a five dollar woman. This always shocks and astonishes women. “Why is he with her?”…. maybe because he likes her for more than her bank account or her accolades.

I’m just going to be honest with you. I’ve never concerned myself with these things, and I think it’s paid off. One of the men I dated in the past had little to nothing in terms of networth. Had a degree, but barely had a job, didn’t have a flashy car, or a swanky spot, but I completely only saw him. While he and I didn’t work out, I can fast forward to now and see that he’s very successful, and doing quite well for himself. He just needed time. When it comes to relationships, I’ve always been pretty lucky to find someone that if the bottom fell out, we would be okay. Clearly they didn’t always work out, but the material stuff was never an issue yet we were always okay. I can say my current Gentleman Situation is the same. Should the flashing lights disappear we would still be kickin. To me that’s what’s most important. Remember things can be here today, gone tomorrow. So when defining that “Good Black Man” look a little bit deeper. Also, chances are you walk past him every single day, put a smile on your face, maybe he’ll stop. Open your eyes a little bit, and maybe he’ll stay.

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Winterboo updates!

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Everyone! Grab your snuggies, slankets, and fuzzy socks! We’re well underway into the winterboo season and I just wanted to check in and be nosy about what everyone is doing. I’m not quite ready to spill the beans on my own “boo-lovin” situation, but let’s just say that mine is a keeper! However, to be fair he was never a winterboo to begin with, buuuuuuut moving on! I sent out a tweet yesterday to ask everyone to update me on their winterboo situations and I got quite a few goodies. I feel bad that I didn’t release this upon Facebook but well, here is everyone’s chance to share their winter happiness!

First the tweets:

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Now… let the record show that the second tweet I posted by a Mr. CJ1933 is all fun and jokes and #lies. LOL So it seems that some people are doing quite well in their efforts while others are still on the bench. Never fear! There is still time! With that said here are some things you can focus on for the rest of this winterboo season.

  1. As time wears on the temperature is dropping quickly. Holidays are around the corner. Make wise decisions regarding where your winterboo stands in terms of gift giving and quality time. This should have been outlined in your contract, but in case you slipped up, now is the time to talk about it. I suggest spending limits or avoiding the whole thing altogether. If you are in the boat like many above in which your winterboo is a keeper, pull out the stops. Get the good gifts that aren’t just on the endcaps in Target.
  2. Do not introduce your winterboo to your family unless you plan on keeping them. Winterboodom is a fairly new phenomenon, I believe, so your family probably won’t understand that person’s temporary nature. Plus, what if they really like the winterboo? Now you have a pestering Mother that is going behind your back to negotiate a spring contract. No Bueno.
  3. If you have yet to find a winterboo, I suggest you hop on it fast while you still have time. While the holidays are tricky business for a winterboo situation, there is one holiday where they must be in attendance. New Years. You have to kiss someone at midnight, and no one wants to be the lame at the party with the bottle of that good Bubbly but no one to toast it with. When the ball drops and the clock strikes twelve don’t be that loser in the corner with the sad face while everyone is sucking face. Make sure the winterboo is in place.
  4. Perhaps you were looking diligently these past few weeks for a winterboo and yet you were unsuccessful. I blame it on the wishy washy ways of the weather. (Try saying that three times fast.) I know last week the day before Thanksgiving it was rather hot here in ATL and even hotter when I got down to Florida. However, Jack Frost is back with a vengeance and it’s even snowing in Dallas. I believe people that were acting stuck up before when it was still a bit warm out will be willing to suck it up and cuddle now. Re-issue those applications and check your spam mail for any that may have fallen through the cracks.
  5. Do not put your winterboo situation on blast on Facebook. Everyone knows that Facebook makes things official so if you do that, might as well hunker down for the long-haul.

That’s all I have for now. I’m more interested in hearing everyone else’s updates and any tips you may have as we near the end of the first quarter of the winterboo season. What say ye!? LOL

Oh and one last thing….if your winterboo situation is not working out, it’s time to switch it up. No need to be miserable over a temporary solution to a short-term problem. Drop and head back to point number 4 above. That is all.

Black Women and finding "Something New"

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So yesterday I blogged about A Field Negro’s post concerning the high amount of black and semi-black men that date non-black or semi-non-black women. My main irritation with that article and with some of the attitudes that I’ve seen floating around is that black women are driving black men away. Also the idea that people are dating outside of their race not only because they just like that person but because for some reason or another they’ve given up on the members of their own sex. Irritating. I said my stance yesterday so there’s no need to repeat, but I thought that today I’d talk a bit more from the perspective of black women. I will try my hardest to keep it short, unlike yesterday’s 1500 word rant.

It seems to be a commonly held belief that black women don’t inter-racially date or even desire to as often as black men do. I’d say that historically this is probably true and may even be so today, but will not be in the future. Someone commented yesterday that black women have a stronger desire to preserve their race and they didn’t know why. My reply was that it’s really not a black thing, but that black people are the only ones who feel some sort of way about admitting or doing that. It’s not racist for me to love my own race (okay, I sense a tangent coming on, so let me readjust). Either way, I think honestly, the initial reason we saw more black men desiring white women is due to the brainwashing and the nature of wanting something you cannot have. With men historically being the pursuer it was not in a black woman’s nature to desire a white man and pursue that. Not to mention, I’m sure with the raping that occurred on plantations and the lynchings that black women had to witness, there was little room to think to oneself, “now THAT’S the kind of man I want.”

Catching up to modern day, as we look out into the world with a more global perspective, and the ills of the past are but a memory (insert sarcasm) business is not the only thing affected. America since it’s birth has been a bit of a salad. There are all sorts of ingredients mixing about and so naturally it would become easier for one to look beyond the outside and deeper into the inside. So don’t get it twisted black men, black women are looking, and they are finding those men outside of just you. I read somewhere however that black women and asian men were on the bottom of the dating totem pole of desirability. I wish I could find that article. It stated that when you stack up the statistics (that lie) black women and asian men are the most single, and the least desirable by other races. That is a shame. As I stated yesterday with black women it’s a slap in the face that physical characteristics that are commonly associated with us that are now being picked up by non-black women are considered better on them. I wouldn’t be so shocked if white women were still pale, un-shapely, and thin, but these days some tan darker than me, add breast, lip, butt, and hip implants and all of a sudden I’m looking at Beyonce! Crazy.

Now we talked about the rift between black men and women as being the cause for the spike in inter-racial dating and perhaps that has some merit. I don’t think it’s 100% about attitudes and fear that a black man will leave but I think it’s more of a numbers game. We black women outnumber black men, and when it comes to being on the same level concerning education and other factors we are outpacing black men as well.  Also, add to the fact that unlike men, more women are not willing to play the role of sole provider, nor are they as willing to be in a relationship with a man with less “status”. That does not mean all women hold this mentality, but it is often spoke of. A man that is a successful lawyer may not think twice about marrying the schoolteacher or hairdresser. Conversely I know plenty of women that if they become millionaires would not be willing to marry the mailman. According to the “numbers” if the gap between educated black men and women continues to grow, the chances that a black woman will find a black man on the same playing field as her, if that’s what she desires, will be slim. I will not sit here and tell a lie. While I’m not overly concerned with who makes what amount of money, I do prefer to have the same educational background because it’s something to easily relate to.

Again, to be fair, I know I’ve said it before that if by 30 I haven’t found the black man of my dreams, I’m crossing the color line. That was rude and wrong of me. Of course I held in my mind that it wouldn’t have to come to that, but still I think it points to what is possibly in the back of the mind of some women. While I know several black women that date all over the color spectrum just because that happens to be the flavor of the day, I equally know several black women that would only do it as a last resort. Watching Oprah when she talked about how 70% of black women were single (a completely random and inflated number that takes into account nothing good) the theme that they kept repeating was GET OUT THERE AND DATE YOU A WHITE BOY! Okay that’s not exactly what they said, but they were pushing black women to get out there and date outside of our race. This to me is like saying “do it because you have no other choice” and that’s just as bad as a white man wanting me because I’m “exotic” or I make a good pot of greens.

The whole point I’m trying to make here, is that black women are willing to date outside of our race too for whatever reason we may find. Whether it be of the purest intentions or because we feel like we’re backed up against a wall. It sucks that black men are dropping out of college at exponential rates. It sucks that black women are being held back in some cases by gender roles. A good black man isn’t just the one with the fattest wallet and the best credit. He’s the one that understands and allows you to grow and lead the family in the best way that you can, while allowing him to contribute as well. Again, if you want to date inter-racially then by all means do you. Just make it about you and no one else. Don’t tell a black man that he’s not worth it because his credit isn’t good, or because he decided to start his own maintenance company versus pursue that MBA. Just don’t count him out. Black men, you talk about us being salty when you’re out with your white, asian, etc. girl but you are guilty of it too. If you want to be great, then Let Us Be Great too when we’re out with Chad or Biff. 🙂

Just love Love, y’all.

Does it matter if you're black or white?

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I don’t want to offend anyone with today’s blog, so just know that ahead of time. This is about interracial dating. Ultimately I don’t care what YOU do. I love Love and if you’re deep in it then I am happy as a pickle for you. I’ve actually dated a white guy once so for me personally, I can knock it since I’ve tried it. First let me start with what has prompted this subject that I’ve tried to avoid for the longest.  A friend of mine posted this on Facebook and the only reason I looked was because they introduced it by asking “Are black women driving black men away? Or is there a deeper problem?” Also the article excerpt pointed to there being friction between the two groups. Now the gentleman that posted this article is someone I respect and so I wasn’t immediately offended by his introduction, but that question in itself answers the next one. “Is there a deeper problem?” Well clearly there is. Go head, take a look, I’ll wait.

Okay, I’ll start with my personal views that way you can see that I am in fact biased and stand on a certain side of the fence. Like I said, I don’t care who YOU date, unless you are in my close circle of friends, and in that case I only care that you aren’t in an abusive situation. For me personally, I prefer to date within my “race” to the greatest extent that I can. My family comes from different cultures so you can run into several different branches of my family tree, and there are many others out there that can do the same. I just prefer to date someone that self-identifies as Black and has the more obvious credentials along with that. (LOL That’s for you folks out there that claim to be black because you greet people by saying “What it do?”) It so hard to raise a family these days as it is, I would not want to feel like I couldn’t be completely open with my children in the lessons I teach them. While I’m not looking to raise little militant baby Panthers (#lies), I will not hold back on certain truths, and I will not allow them to grow up ignorant as I had. I believe this will be easiest for ME if I found a Black man that held those same beliefs. (I have, because it’s not as hard to find as the above article paints it to be.) Plus, I LOVE black men and I think they are beautiful in all of their variety and deserving of beautiful black queens.

On to my first issue. There has been a strain on the black family structure since we got to this country. Our families were BRED and then separated to fulfill the needs of an industry we were forced into. This sowed the seeds of fear and independence into the Black Matriarch. A black mother saw her husband and father of her children ripped away from her and she HAD to step up and be the provider and nurturer for her family. After slavery when the black family was on an incline, drugs and disproportionate incarceration of our men led to another disruption to our family structure and once again the black woman had to pick up the pieces. This led to bitter resentment and it began a horrid cycle with no clear beginning and no clear way to break it. Our men were not there, our women became angry. Our women raised children that they taught to resent men because of the ills of their fathers or their sons became lost in the struggle due to their father’s absence. Then it would repeat. The son grows up not knowing how to treat a woman, the daughter grows up not knowing how to be a woman or how to interact with a man. To ask “are black women driving black men away” is frustrating. It places the blame on women solely and I truly feel we all share equal parts of the blame if we feel it necessary to point the finger. I could easily come back and say, “no we aren’t driving you away, you could never be there, and would rather choose to take the easy way out” but I won’t because I don’t believe that’s the smart way to go nor is it simply the truth.

I looked through those pictures and while I believe it was a bit dramatic, incorrect to some degree, and over-reaching I couldn’t deny that it’s a big deal. I don’t believe Ann Coulter is dating a black man named J.J. (but what do I know?) and while some of those men are dating non-black women, it’s not as if they’ve never dated a black woman before. It’s 2009 and so everyone feels like ‘we’re all just one big melting pot” and that’s cool if that’s how you get down, but that doesn’t sit so easily with me. We’re a group of people that’s culture was robbed from us, and I feel like since de-segregation became an ideal goal for us, we became more and more willing to drop any culture we had or were re-creating. I don’t like the idea that to be “great” we can assimilate into one giant multi-cultural pot. You cannot deny that decades ago dating a white woman was seen as a status symbol. You’ve arrived. Sure that may still play a role today, but I’m not sure how much, and I’m not sure how consciously. Today some people say “they are just easier to deal with” and I don’t know what that means. If that’s true then that says A) You’re lazy because you don’t want to WORK for it, and B) You know nothing about me. Of course most people say that it has nothing to do with actually SEEING color, but they just love what they love, and I don’t fully believe that but to each his own.

In an effort to wrap this up, the biggest thing that bothered me about the pictures is that it paints this picture that black women are just not desirable. At the end the author points out that black women are no longer the finest thing’s out there… I mean… “look at the backsides on those Panamanian chicks!?” Black women have been hyper-sexualized since we got here. We became the Jezebel with the big hips, thin waist, round butts, full lips, and bouncing breasts. We were playthings. So now that other women are drinking what’s in our water they match up to us? That’s what that author basically said and I wonder how many men think that? I hear guys say “white girls have booty now too” as if to say that’s all they were waiting for to leave us behind. That’s a shame. Our men have been reduced to the size of their Penis, but we still see him as more than that.

I want to save “black love”. I know many people don’t believe that it exists or care about it, or think it’s necessary, but I do. Our President is bi-racial, and that’s great! But he identifies as black and has a black family. I see that as black love, and I love it. Having dated outside of my race, I can say that there was just a different feeling. A lack of a deeper understanding. I need that. Is there a friction? Yes. I don’t believe it’s fully our faults. We’ve been conditioned to redefine our standards of beauty. So much so that when non-black women have traits more commonly associated with black women it is seen as “better”.  De-conditioning our minds would be a daunting task, and would require willingness and self-awareness. Most people don’t even care anymore and that’s fine. Just stop taking away my beauty to make you feel better about your decision to date a woman that looks nothing like your mother. If you want to date interracially, I support you and your happiness, but make it about you and no one else. The cycle should stop however, black women, stop putting down our men. It’s a struggle out there, lift him up and support him. Raise our sons and daughters to adore him. Take the chip off the shoulder. Black men, you are NOT weak. Stop acting like you can’t handle a woman that was made FOR you. If you handled her enough in the bedroom, handle what comes after that. Be there for the children that you had a hand in creating and show them how awesome you are and always respect their mother. There is bitterness there, not without a reason, but we all have to grow up, deal with it, and move on.

I think tomorrow I’ll talk more about black women and dating interracially. Hmmmm. In the meantime, look at this lovely display of love.

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Two Can't Always Play That Game

*Sorry I’ve been slacking. This holiday season has got me busy as a bee! Been traveling, working, all kinds of stuff. I promise I’ll do better. Love you guys!

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I’ve blogged before about how women sometimes need to check themselves on their own craziness before they wreck themselves, but I just kind of wanted to expand that a bit and talk about the repercussions of such craziness.

We all know that love can do some powerful things to you, have you acting in ways that you have never before, but that is not always a good thing. How many people have heard or experienced the story of the ex that won’t stop calling, sits outside your house, or shows up at random places? I know I have. Those are simply the crazies and there isn’t much that can be done about them. But what about those who just love to play games. I know several people both men and women who fall victim to playing games, however I will say that it’s my ladies that seem to be “master tacticians” (c) Harnould, in the sport of Mental Game Playing.

So for the most part I will be speaking to my ladies, but men I want you to pay attention as well. You guys need to learn how to spot this stuff and act accordingly. One you guys do get drawn into the game things get really messy because y’all have no clue how to handle the situation. Unlike the actual movie “Two Can Play That Game” (did anyone see the sequel? What were they thinking?) things don’t always come together in beautiful harmony.

The Games:

Game 1: Making him jealous.

Ladies this one often does not work like you think it will. Strategically showing up somewhere that you know he will be with another man will not make him come crawling back to you now that he realizes your awesomeness (i.e. Single Ladies). Most men don’t do jealousy in a favorable way. On the low end, he may just brush you off for life for trying his patience like that, or on the high end he may stomp homeboy out. Neither are the desired results. Sleeping or even pretending to sleep with anyone he knows, is affiliated with, or happened to see once in the grocery store is a major no (unless you just really wanted to and don’t care). Not only will you run the risk of ending up on the wrong side of “Snapped” but you will surely damage and friendship that could have developed after the flames died.

Game 2: Pretending to be his friend when really, you just want to be nosy.

Now this is where my expertise used to lay. When my ex and I broke up I vowed that we were still friends. I went back to friend duty and everything. But deep down, I was just being nosy. I wanted to know who he was dating, talking to, sexing down, whatever. So I would hit him up and be like “So how’s life, work, pies? Dating anyone new? Ohhhh reallllllly?” The whole time I would be making mental notes. I gave up on this though because it just never worked out how I had it put together in my mind. I had no real strategy and even if I did it was going to be all wrong.

Game 3: Lying about your feelings.

If you feel some sort of way about something, just say it. For those of us ladies out there that ALWAYS feel some sort of way about EVERYTHING I suggest that you learn to pick your battles. Just like we cannot read minds, that goes both ways, only men are not persistent. We will nag the heck out of a dude to figure out what’s wrong with him (often times, he just wants some “him” time…so leave him be) meanwhile a man will ask once, and keep it moving. This is your opportunity to SPEAK UP. I believe in having a statue of limitations on arguments. We better settle it now, or it gets scratched forever. Throw sex in the mix and the argument is dead. So ladies, when he asks “What’s wrong?” this is your time to talk. If you decide to work it out on your own, let that be known and stick to it. Go figure out if you’re being rational or irrational and make adjustments. If you just aren’t ready to talk when he asks, say that, and be reasonable about when you will decide to open your mouth. Don’t be mad when he leaves you alone after the first “I’m fine.” Don’t turn your saltiness into a moment to make him salty and now y’all are fighting. This game DOES NOT WORK. I’m not even sure why we play it. I don’t see any way for this to end up good.

Game 4: Befriending his friends.

I totally support the intersection of friend circles once you’ve reached a secure level of seriousness. But always keep his male friends at a safe distance and only befriend his female friends if you have no ulterior motives. Do NOT, and I repeat DO NOT use his friends as a weapon against him. Now you’re playing with fire. Trying to get underground information on him from them could surely end in disaster and I love y’all too much to see you on the evening news. Infiltrating the den of the male wolf pack only to end up breaking it apart could have lifelong consequences. Just don’t do it. If you feel he has some female friends that could be potential enemies, I suggest you talk to HIM about that. Of course tread lightly and make sure you’re not just trippin first. Trust can go a long way, but more than likely if you are playing games, there is no trust.

Game 5: Being an open book.

I know sometimes women play  the “I’ll tell you everything if you tell me everything” game. Don’t fall for it ice cold. More than likely, you start exposing yourself feeling good about things, and two things are going on. 1) She can’t handle the truth. (Cue Baby Boy: “You wanna know the truth? You can’t handle the truth. I lie to you because I love you. I don’t love them girls.”) So if she can’t handle it, you’re done for. You just opened up only to walk into a bear trap. 2) She’s not fully disclosing to you. She may give some mild information, but anything juicy is NOT coming out her mouth. Perhaps she’s aware of how Game 1 can turn out and she knows you’re crazy. But trust and believe if she lets you see her phone or poke through her facebook/myspace  (?)/Twitter account she’s already wiped it clean. Women are smart. There is no need to save, hit delete right after.

I could think of a few more, but it’s possible that this has gotten too long. Y’all know how I am. So any other games we ladies need to stop playing? What about the games men really do play? Speak on it!

An Epic Tale of Dating Proportions

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So last week many of you saw this tweet from me:

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Crazy right? What’s crazy is that this is the third time she and I have intersected dates. She would go out with a guy, probably mention him to me without saying a name, then I would go out with a guy, mention it to her say his name, then we’d be like “oh no!” lol Or it would happen vice versa. It’s actually to the point now where we’ll meet a guy, agree to a date, then call and ask “have you ever met so and so?” Well this time I guess it didn’t occur to us to cross check. So here’s how today’s tale goes.

I invited @_HollyGoLightly out to my job one night for free drinks and a bit of fun and she came on out with a group of friends. One of her friends was a handsome chocolatey man who showed a bit of interest in me and so I politely gave him my business card. While I wasn’t completely interested (because I’m a crazy single woman who rejects my vagina lol) I didn’t want to be part of “the problem” with dating women these days. I agreed to go out to dinner with him one night after a few days of playing text tag. We went out, had a pretty decent time, and I felt like perhaps I didn’t always have to be a hermit chick and avoid men for fear of them having “the forevers” or liking men. (I live in ATL remember).

Fast forward a couple of days later, my LS and I were chit-chatting and complaining that we hadn’t seen each other in a week and we needed to catch up. She and I are territorial like that (shout outs to my entire line because we believer we’re all we’ll ever need lol). I said, “I went on a date with this guy that [insert random interesting fact about him…just in case any of my readers also happened to go out on a date with him last week]” and she instantly starts laughing. Uh oh. She goes “is his name [insert name]? Because I went out on a date last week with the exact same guy.” *wall slide*

We crack up and tell how each of our dates went and once again, how random is it that we went out with the same guy, in the SAME week. She randomly met him at a restaurant. After I tweeted about it several people said “he knew what he was doing” or “he’s playing y’all” and I truly didn’t believe it. I mean I didn’t *think* I mentioned my sorority in conjunction with my alma mater, and I didn’t think my LS would either… So we devised a lil plan to end up going out with him at the same time. We’d offer a double date scenario and bust him wide open. We truly figured he couldn’t have known that we knew each other.

Wrong. LOL

My LS went out with him last night (we tried to schedule at the same time but #failed) and when I got a text in the middle of the date that said “So…..FYI” I knew something was up. Finally I got a call and this is when things got hilarious. My LS just couldn’t hold the marbles anymore so she tells him, “You went out with a girlfriend of mine last week you know.” Instantly he cracked up. He knew. Smart guy, he put together that he happened to go out with two Deltas from the same school. So *pats on the back* for those that called it. Here’s the rub, he called his friends because he didn’t know what to do. He found us both to be intelligent, pretty, and engaging, which he believed to be rare. In his mind, he was hoping that we didn’t really talk to each other (rude! lol) and he was just going to play his cards. Upon his consultation with his friends, they agreed he should just play it cool.

My LS told him that we were planning on setting him up, but since he wasn’t a #lame, she decided to let him in on what was going on without playing him. Well played, well played. She said he was positively speechless and put it out there that he still didn’t know how to handle the situation. I told her I’m out of contention so that should make the choice easy for him. She and I are adults so there’s no need to play games. I text him last night to say “oh wow… looks like the cat is out of the bag”. His response “I’m still speechless, how did that happen?”

I’ll tell you how, ATL is too small, and it’s time for me to move!

What’s funny is other times when we’ve let the losergentleman know that he’s taking from the same candydish we have been met with hostility. The “what did she say about me?” and the “I mean I aint really try to holla.” Men… don’t do that. We Talk.

Love Of My Life: An Ode to Hip Hop

ilovehiphop

You know I can’t actually recall the moment that I fell in love with Hip Hop. It seems as though I was randomly introduced to it and at first I wasn’t concerned one way or another. It wasn’t like I didn’t have other types of music to hold my interest. Sure it stood out, but I mean honestly I think at the time I just wasn’t ready. I was struggling in a world of trying to figure out exactly what it is that I even like. I didn’t have time to step out and try anything new.

As I got to know Hip Hop I started to learn and understand how deep and intricate it really was. How it could take me from feeling one way to feeling another in a matter of minutes. One minute I’m deep in intellectualism from the rhymes of Mos Def or Black Thought then I’m being seduced by the smoothness of Common or Slum Village. When I’m feeling goofy and nostalgic about love I hear “Kiss Me Through The Phone” and instantly the little girl that still lives within me blushes. When I need Hip Hop’s encouragement to get up and be Successful, he’s always there to push me beyond the money, the cars, and the clothes. I didn’t realize how much I relied on Hip Hop until things got tough and Hip Hop was there to Brush My Shoulder off.

It’s funny how I missed when it got to the point where everyday I would wake up and anxiously await reconnecting with Hip Hop. We would go over what we shared the day before and I’d start looking to see if Hip Hop had anything new to offer to me. It always does. Something new to uplift me, get me crunk, or calm me down. Sure sometimes Hip Hop gets on my nerves, but I’ve learned to actually accept that and even though I hate to admit it, sometimes I love the “childish” side of Hip Hop.

I think I’m beginning to love the sides of Hip Hop that are different from me. Sometimes I do need a lil Goon motivation I suppose. I don’t always have to be so deep. Sometimes I just need to dance and not worry about what’s being said and I just need to go with the flow. Hip Hop helps me to understand that.

I seriously can’t say when it was that I fell in love with Hip Hop. It’s like I knew it was awesome all along, but I just didn’t take the time to stop and truly listen. Perhaps I was being so cautious about learning and growing with something new I missed out on some of Hip Hop’s greatness. I think I was being a bit “stuck up” and full of myself by glossing over what I considered to be Hip Hop’s less conscious contributions. In truth that’s what makes Hip Hop so eclectic, so unique. There’s always more than meets the eye with Hip Hop and I just need to continue to discover the layers.

Just like Hip Hop is there for me flaws and all, I think that’s how I have grown to be there for Hip Hop. I don’t want to be taken so seriously so maybe there is a time and a place to “party, party, party let’s all get wasted.” Hip Hop is very social, loved by many and hated by even more so I guess sometimes that plays a role too. But I’m way more of a lover than a hater so perhaps that’s why I’m falling….

I still can’t pinpoint exactly when it happened. But I truly feel as though it did, and now I can’t see my life without Hip Hop. I’ve actually learned so much about myself because of Hip Hop. The way that Hip Hop speaks directly to me about things I thought no one else understood. Hip Hop helps me be honest with myself. Through the good, the bad, and the ugly I think Hip Hop will continue to grow just like I have. Perhaps we can grow together continuously drawing upon the past as good samples to help build the future.