The Pageantry of the Church

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So those who know me know I looooooove my church. I am on the Dance Ministry (currently on Hiatus) and I rant and rave about my church all the time. It’s a big church, but it’s got that good southern feeling to it. The choppy foot dance is in effect every now and then. Matter of fact, I was once in service where my Pastor TAUGHT the choppy foot dance. That made me feel special. This is what I’ve grown up with and what I thought I was most comfortable with. Back in high school when I was the Token Negro I would go to a Bible Study with my non-black friends and get my folksy praise and Joel Osteen worship on. But that wasn’t my typical Sunday move.

So anyway, the “Black Church Experience” is what I know best yet, I am not sure it’s what I want to embrace anymore. Last night I went to Buckhead Church and since I had never heard of it before I had no clue what to expect. I just know that when we got there I realized it was HUGE, and not the crowd I was used to. I typically shy away from big churches because it seems there’s a lot of flashing lights and smoke and mirrors. Too much going on. I must say I was surprised. While the church is clearly huge and paid there was a…. vibe. Like people just coming in to worship. That’s all. No politics, no frontin, just there for God. The service started with one of the most amazing musical introductions I have EVER seen in a church, maybe anywhere. Then we did a few songs of praise and worship. When it was time to take up the offering it happened so fast. The pastor said “while we take up the offering, here’s a little video to watch”. It was a cute little film pertaining to their theme this month. There was no begging, no reminding you of why you should tithe, no prosperity message of “give and you shall receive… we PROMISE.” Interesting seeing as though they probably get people that give far more because they do so with a cheerful heart. The Pastor’s sermon was GREAT. His delivery was awesome without getting hyper and yelling, and he told an amazing story right out of the Word that resonated with me, and had me enthralled. I LOVED IT. The service lasted an hour. #WDDDA?

Here’s the thing that made me think. Everyone knows that Black Church lasts a close to or longer than two hours. There’s always an entire agenda that you have to go through and I think we feel that’s necessary to feel like we’re “Good Christians”. I think that however is what keeps a lot of people from attending. Having to be there all day. And I know that back in Biblical days they would sit and hear the “Good News” for hours, but I’d venture to say that that’s not particularly the reason Black Church lasts forever. As I was noticing the difference in this church and the others that I have frequented I made a special note of the celebrity of the Pastor. At my church the Pastor, while very laid back, is REVERED! He is put up on a high pedestal and treated as the King of the Church. At Buckhead Church, I wasn’t sure he was the Pastor until he began his sermon. I think this is a good thing. I related to him. If he did something human, I wouldn’t feel as let down, because it wouldn’t seem as large of a betrayal. I think it’s common in the Black Church to elevate the clergy. The Pastors are doing it all, motivational speaking, book deals, concerts, etc. They are celebrities. While they are messengers they are still human. We blur the lines with them a lot.

Then there’s the actual service. You have Praise & Worship in which if you are not jumping up and down you are looked at with the o_O. Then the choir sings and depending on how good the Holy Ghost is circulating, that may take a while. Prayer, announcements, prayer, offering that takes 15 minutes, prayer, Sermons in which the Pastor implores you to respond with Amens and “Preach Pastor!” and “that’s right!”, prayer, the Church doors are open, prayer, now you can leave.  Taking a look on it, I can see how some people are intimidated, and why many choose to just not come and miss out on the most important thing. The word of God. Somewhere I think we got too caught up in entertaining and lost sight of the real goal, The Word. A lot of people have issues with the Black Church (really, HUGE churches in general, but for the majority of my audience I’ll stay on the B.C.) because they are skeptical. I think that all the pageantry has a lot to do with it. Believe it or not, I think the people that are looking to come to religion really want to come to Christ not because of the glitz and glam but because of his message. How did we get so far off track?

So to my readers I ask, do you go to Church? What kind, mixed, black, white, etc? How do your experience enrich or hinder your relationship with God?

P.S. I really liked Buckhead Church, if any of my ATLiens would like to visit again with me, just let me know.

Stop. Celebrity. Worship

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Please! Celebrity Worship Syndrome. It’s not good for you.

I just can’t take it anymore. We can discuss celebrities without the worship. It’s to the point now where anyone with over 2,000 followers on twitter thinks they are a celebrity and deserve shout outs in the club and a platter of free wings. No Bueno! Although I’ll take them free wangs. Lemon Pepper please.

An-tee-ways. I’m tired of hearing about every little thing concerning so and so or who cares. Well, it’s not so much hearing about it as it is how everyone blows things way out of proportion. I am of the camp that celebs need not talk about their private lives AT ALL. Just because the media is a lynch mob and pesters the hell out of them does not mean they have to oblige. Whether it’s good or bad. We make these people role model when outside of what they do professionally we probably wouldn’t let them pay us to take care of a loved one. Does that make sense?

For the above reason, I don’t see why we continuously ask celebrities to “speak out” on certain causes and issues all the time. I understand we do it for the fundraising or the awareness, but that stops working when said Celeb does something that the rest of humanity does but that we expect them not to. They are not Popes people.

Examples of Celeb Worship Gone Wrong:

  • Rihanna felt the need to come out and speak on the DV situation between her and Chris Brown. Like I said, I believe private lives should be private no matter who you are, but whatever. She said she knows that she’s a voice for young girls and she had to speak out so that someone in her position could get out. I applaud. However, the next week she’s in an interview in which she says if a girl doesn’t send her boyfriend naked pictures then she feels bad for him. Basically encouraging those young women she wants to save to participate in the same activities. Nevermind that they don’t have PR Teams, Lawyers, or millions in the bank should the same exposure happen to them. Now, I’m not saying a few fun pictures back and forth is a bad thing (plus no one cares about my opinion) but that’s child pornography for most of her fan base, and chances are higher that the pics will make their way around the school. Stop the worship.
  • Recently word got out that Pleasure P of the uber-famous boy group Pretty Ricky (/sarcasm) could quite possibly be a convicted child molester. Hmmmm. While I never found his music to be all that great (never heard his solo stuff, just Pretty Ricky’s) I could tell from his twitter following and myspace groupies that most of his fans are tiny-aged. So you have young boys bumping and grinding against pillows on youtube to homeboy and young girls frothing at the mouths and talking about Boyfriend #2. That’s a problem when you consider that this guy is probably really really sick and should be behind bars still. Worship…stop. Please.
  • Then you have the First Church of Tiger Woods (shout out to @SDotWalton) that is pretty much a cult full of strange people that don’t leave the house much. They have since disbanded because *gasp* Tiger did something that millions of people in the world do every day! While what he did was triflin’ I think for these crazies they may need to look at the bigger picture. #stopcelebrityworshipshrug

I could create a list that would span the entire equator of all the dumb things that celebrities do. Clearly that’s why this blog isn’t as popular as millions of others. I don’t particularly tackle celebrity gossip which is what the millions want to read. Last night Dwight Eubanks (sp?) from RHOA (a show I don’t watch) came into my job. I was bitched at for not knowing who that plastic looking man was. After being told who he was real proper like, I remember that I wrote a blog featuring him concerning Gay men who marry women and I wanted to laugh. Child Boo. Bye.

Here’s how it works, we let celebs stick to what they are good at (i.e. acting, singing, sports, WHATEVER) and we go about life without having to read their every dumb moment on Twitter, paying extra to get in the club just because they will be walking through it, and seeing their every downfall interrupt our favorite show that they happen to not be on. That’s all I’m saying.

If you or someone you know is addicted to celebrity gossip and their every move, there is help. Call 1-800-stopthemadness and we’ll get you or your friend locked away in a padded room for life. iKid!

Winterboo updates!

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Everyone! Grab your snuggies, slankets, and fuzzy socks! We’re well underway into the winterboo season and I just wanted to check in and be nosy about what everyone is doing. I’m not quite ready to spill the beans on my own “boo-lovin” situation, but let’s just say that mine is a keeper! However, to be fair he was never a winterboo to begin with, buuuuuuut moving on! I sent out a tweet yesterday to ask everyone to update me on their winterboo situations and I got quite a few goodies. I feel bad that I didn’t release this upon Facebook but well, here is everyone’s chance to share their winter happiness!

First the tweets:

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Now… let the record show that the second tweet I posted by a Mr. CJ1933 is all fun and jokes and #lies. LOL So it seems that some people are doing quite well in their efforts while others are still on the bench. Never fear! There is still time! With that said here are some things you can focus on for the rest of this winterboo season.

  1. As time wears on the temperature is dropping quickly. Holidays are around the corner. Make wise decisions regarding where your winterboo stands in terms of gift giving and quality time. This should have been outlined in your contract, but in case you slipped up, now is the time to talk about it. I suggest spending limits or avoiding the whole thing altogether. If you are in the boat like many above in which your winterboo is a keeper, pull out the stops. Get the good gifts that aren’t just on the endcaps in Target.
  2. Do not introduce your winterboo to your family unless you plan on keeping them. Winterboodom is a fairly new phenomenon, I believe, so your family probably won’t understand that person’s temporary nature. Plus, what if they really like the winterboo? Now you have a pestering Mother that is going behind your back to negotiate a spring contract. No Bueno.
  3. If you have yet to find a winterboo, I suggest you hop on it fast while you still have time. While the holidays are tricky business for a winterboo situation, there is one holiday where they must be in attendance. New Years. You have to kiss someone at midnight, and no one wants to be the lame at the party with the bottle of that good Bubbly but no one to toast it with. When the ball drops and the clock strikes twelve don’t be that loser in the corner with the sad face while everyone is sucking face. Make sure the winterboo is in place.
  4. Perhaps you were looking diligently these past few weeks for a winterboo and yet you were unsuccessful. I blame it on the wishy washy ways of the weather. (Try saying that three times fast.) I know last week the day before Thanksgiving it was rather hot here in ATL and even hotter when I got down to Florida. However, Jack Frost is back with a vengeance and it’s even snowing in Dallas. I believe people that were acting stuck up before when it was still a bit warm out will be willing to suck it up and cuddle now. Re-issue those applications and check your spam mail for any that may have fallen through the cracks.
  5. Do not put your winterboo situation on blast on Facebook. Everyone knows that Facebook makes things official so if you do that, might as well hunker down for the long-haul.

That’s all I have for now. I’m more interested in hearing everyone else’s updates and any tips you may have as we near the end of the first quarter of the winterboo season. What say ye!? LOL

Oh and one last thing….if your winterboo situation is not working out, it’s time to switch it up. No need to be miserable over a temporary solution to a short-term problem. Drop and head back to point number 4 above. That is all.

Black Women and finding "Something New"

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So yesterday I blogged about A Field Negro’s post concerning the high amount of black and semi-black men that date non-black or semi-non-black women. My main irritation with that article and with some of the attitudes that I’ve seen floating around is that black women are driving black men away. Also the idea that people are dating outside of their race not only because they just like that person but because for some reason or another they’ve given up on the members of their own sex. Irritating. I said my stance yesterday so there’s no need to repeat, but I thought that today I’d talk a bit more from the perspective of black women. I will try my hardest to keep it short, unlike yesterday’s 1500 word rant.

It seems to be a commonly held belief that black women don’t inter-racially date or even desire to as often as black men do. I’d say that historically this is probably true and may even be so today, but will not be in the future. Someone commented yesterday that black women have a stronger desire to preserve their race and they didn’t know why. My reply was that it’s really not a black thing, but that black people are the only ones who feel some sort of way about admitting or doing that. It’s not racist for me to love my own race (okay, I sense a tangent coming on, so let me readjust). Either way, I think honestly, the initial reason we saw more black men desiring white women is due to the brainwashing and the nature of wanting something you cannot have. With men historically being the pursuer it was not in a black woman’s nature to desire a white man and pursue that. Not to mention, I’m sure with the raping that occurred on plantations and the lynchings that black women had to witness, there was little room to think to oneself, “now THAT’S the kind of man I want.”

Catching up to modern day, as we look out into the world with a more global perspective, and the ills of the past are but a memory (insert sarcasm) business is not the only thing affected. America since it’s birth has been a bit of a salad. There are all sorts of ingredients mixing about and so naturally it would become easier for one to look beyond the outside and deeper into the inside. So don’t get it twisted black men, black women are looking, and they are finding those men outside of just you. I read somewhere however that black women and asian men were on the bottom of the dating totem pole of desirability. I wish I could find that article. It stated that when you stack up the statistics (that lie) black women and asian men are the most single, and the least desirable by other races. That is a shame. As I stated yesterday with black women it’s a slap in the face that physical characteristics that are commonly associated with us that are now being picked up by non-black women are considered better on them. I wouldn’t be so shocked if white women were still pale, un-shapely, and thin, but these days some tan darker than me, add breast, lip, butt, and hip implants and all of a sudden I’m looking at Beyonce! Crazy.

Now we talked about the rift between black men and women as being the cause for the spike in inter-racial dating and perhaps that has some merit. I don’t think it’s 100% about attitudes and fear that a black man will leave but I think it’s more of a numbers game. We black women outnumber black men, and when it comes to being on the same level concerning education and other factors we are outpacing black men as well.  Also, add to the fact that unlike men, more women are not willing to play the role of sole provider, nor are they as willing to be in a relationship with a man with less “status”. That does not mean all women hold this mentality, but it is often spoke of. A man that is a successful lawyer may not think twice about marrying the schoolteacher or hairdresser. Conversely I know plenty of women that if they become millionaires would not be willing to marry the mailman. According to the “numbers” if the gap between educated black men and women continues to grow, the chances that a black woman will find a black man on the same playing field as her, if that’s what she desires, will be slim. I will not sit here and tell a lie. While I’m not overly concerned with who makes what amount of money, I do prefer to have the same educational background because it’s something to easily relate to.

Again, to be fair, I know I’ve said it before that if by 30 I haven’t found the black man of my dreams, I’m crossing the color line. That was rude and wrong of me. Of course I held in my mind that it wouldn’t have to come to that, but still I think it points to what is possibly in the back of the mind of some women. While I know several black women that date all over the color spectrum just because that happens to be the flavor of the day, I equally know several black women that would only do it as a last resort. Watching Oprah when she talked about how 70% of black women were single (a completely random and inflated number that takes into account nothing good) the theme that they kept repeating was GET OUT THERE AND DATE YOU A WHITE BOY! Okay that’s not exactly what they said, but they were pushing black women to get out there and date outside of our race. This to me is like saying “do it because you have no other choice” and that’s just as bad as a white man wanting me because I’m “exotic” or I make a good pot of greens.

The whole point I’m trying to make here, is that black women are willing to date outside of our race too for whatever reason we may find. Whether it be of the purest intentions or because we feel like we’re backed up against a wall. It sucks that black men are dropping out of college at exponential rates. It sucks that black women are being held back in some cases by gender roles. A good black man isn’t just the one with the fattest wallet and the best credit. He’s the one that understands and allows you to grow and lead the family in the best way that you can, while allowing him to contribute as well. Again, if you want to date inter-racially then by all means do you. Just make it about you and no one else. Don’t tell a black man that he’s not worth it because his credit isn’t good, or because he decided to start his own maintenance company versus pursue that MBA. Just don’t count him out. Black men, you talk about us being salty when you’re out with your white, asian, etc. girl but you are guilty of it too. If you want to be great, then Let Us Be Great too when we’re out with Chad or Biff. 🙂

Just love Love, y’all.

Does it matter if you're black or white?

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I don’t want to offend anyone with today’s blog, so just know that ahead of time. This is about interracial dating. Ultimately I don’t care what YOU do. I love Love and if you’re deep in it then I am happy as a pickle for you. I’ve actually dated a white guy once so for me personally, I can knock it since I’ve tried it. First let me start with what has prompted this subject that I’ve tried to avoid for the longest.  A friend of mine posted this on Facebook and the only reason I looked was because they introduced it by asking “Are black women driving black men away? Or is there a deeper problem?” Also the article excerpt pointed to there being friction between the two groups. Now the gentleman that posted this article is someone I respect and so I wasn’t immediately offended by his introduction, but that question in itself answers the next one. “Is there a deeper problem?” Well clearly there is. Go head, take a look, I’ll wait.

Okay, I’ll start with my personal views that way you can see that I am in fact biased and stand on a certain side of the fence. Like I said, I don’t care who YOU date, unless you are in my close circle of friends, and in that case I only care that you aren’t in an abusive situation. For me personally, I prefer to date within my “race” to the greatest extent that I can. My family comes from different cultures so you can run into several different branches of my family tree, and there are many others out there that can do the same. I just prefer to date someone that self-identifies as Black and has the more obvious credentials along with that. (LOL That’s for you folks out there that claim to be black because you greet people by saying “What it do?”) It so hard to raise a family these days as it is, I would not want to feel like I couldn’t be completely open with my children in the lessons I teach them. While I’m not looking to raise little militant baby Panthers (#lies), I will not hold back on certain truths, and I will not allow them to grow up ignorant as I had. I believe this will be easiest for ME if I found a Black man that held those same beliefs. (I have, because it’s not as hard to find as the above article paints it to be.) Plus, I LOVE black men and I think they are beautiful in all of their variety and deserving of beautiful black queens.

On to my first issue. There has been a strain on the black family structure since we got to this country. Our families were BRED and then separated to fulfill the needs of an industry we were forced into. This sowed the seeds of fear and independence into the Black Matriarch. A black mother saw her husband and father of her children ripped away from her and she HAD to step up and be the provider and nurturer for her family. After slavery when the black family was on an incline, drugs and disproportionate incarceration of our men led to another disruption to our family structure and once again the black woman had to pick up the pieces. This led to bitter resentment and it began a horrid cycle with no clear beginning and no clear way to break it. Our men were not there, our women became angry. Our women raised children that they taught to resent men because of the ills of their fathers or their sons became lost in the struggle due to their father’s absence. Then it would repeat. The son grows up not knowing how to treat a woman, the daughter grows up not knowing how to be a woman or how to interact with a man. To ask “are black women driving black men away” is frustrating. It places the blame on women solely and I truly feel we all share equal parts of the blame if we feel it necessary to point the finger. I could easily come back and say, “no we aren’t driving you away, you could never be there, and would rather choose to take the easy way out” but I won’t because I don’t believe that’s the smart way to go nor is it simply the truth.

I looked through those pictures and while I believe it was a bit dramatic, incorrect to some degree, and over-reaching I couldn’t deny that it’s a big deal. I don’t believe Ann Coulter is dating a black man named J.J. (but what do I know?) and while some of those men are dating non-black women, it’s not as if they’ve never dated a black woman before. It’s 2009 and so everyone feels like ‘we’re all just one big melting pot” and that’s cool if that’s how you get down, but that doesn’t sit so easily with me. We’re a group of people that’s culture was robbed from us, and I feel like since de-segregation became an ideal goal for us, we became more and more willing to drop any culture we had or were re-creating. I don’t like the idea that to be “great” we can assimilate into one giant multi-cultural pot. You cannot deny that decades ago dating a white woman was seen as a status symbol. You’ve arrived. Sure that may still play a role today, but I’m not sure how much, and I’m not sure how consciously. Today some people say “they are just easier to deal with” and I don’t know what that means. If that’s true then that says A) You’re lazy because you don’t want to WORK for it, and B) You know nothing about me. Of course most people say that it has nothing to do with actually SEEING color, but they just love what they love, and I don’t fully believe that but to each his own.

In an effort to wrap this up, the biggest thing that bothered me about the pictures is that it paints this picture that black women are just not desirable. At the end the author points out that black women are no longer the finest thing’s out there… I mean… “look at the backsides on those Panamanian chicks!?” Black women have been hyper-sexualized since we got here. We became the Jezebel with the big hips, thin waist, round butts, full lips, and bouncing breasts. We were playthings. So now that other women are drinking what’s in our water they match up to us? That’s what that author basically said and I wonder how many men think that? I hear guys say “white girls have booty now too” as if to say that’s all they were waiting for to leave us behind. That’s a shame. Our men have been reduced to the size of their Penis, but we still see him as more than that.

I want to save “black love”. I know many people don’t believe that it exists or care about it, or think it’s necessary, but I do. Our President is bi-racial, and that’s great! But he identifies as black and has a black family. I see that as black love, and I love it. Having dated outside of my race, I can say that there was just a different feeling. A lack of a deeper understanding. I need that. Is there a friction? Yes. I don’t believe it’s fully our faults. We’ve been conditioned to redefine our standards of beauty. So much so that when non-black women have traits more commonly associated with black women it is seen as “better”.  De-conditioning our minds would be a daunting task, and would require willingness and self-awareness. Most people don’t even care anymore and that’s fine. Just stop taking away my beauty to make you feel better about your decision to date a woman that looks nothing like your mother. If you want to date interracially, I support you and your happiness, but make it about you and no one else. The cycle should stop however, black women, stop putting down our men. It’s a struggle out there, lift him up and support him. Raise our sons and daughters to adore him. Take the chip off the shoulder. Black men, you are NOT weak. Stop acting like you can’t handle a woman that was made FOR you. If you handled her enough in the bedroom, handle what comes after that. Be there for the children that you had a hand in creating and show them how awesome you are and always respect their mother. There is bitterness there, not without a reason, but we all have to grow up, deal with it, and move on.

I think tomorrow I’ll talk more about black women and dating interracially. Hmmmm. In the meantime, look at this lovely display of love.

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Two Can't Always Play That Game

*Sorry I’ve been slacking. This holiday season has got me busy as a bee! Been traveling, working, all kinds of stuff. I promise I’ll do better. Love you guys!

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I’ve blogged before about how women sometimes need to check themselves on their own craziness before they wreck themselves, but I just kind of wanted to expand that a bit and talk about the repercussions of such craziness.

We all know that love can do some powerful things to you, have you acting in ways that you have never before, but that is not always a good thing. How many people have heard or experienced the story of the ex that won’t stop calling, sits outside your house, or shows up at random places? I know I have. Those are simply the crazies and there isn’t much that can be done about them. But what about those who just love to play games. I know several people both men and women who fall victim to playing games, however I will say that it’s my ladies that seem to be “master tacticians” (c) Harnould, in the sport of Mental Game Playing.

So for the most part I will be speaking to my ladies, but men I want you to pay attention as well. You guys need to learn how to spot this stuff and act accordingly. One you guys do get drawn into the game things get really messy because y’all have no clue how to handle the situation. Unlike the actual movie “Two Can Play That Game” (did anyone see the sequel? What were they thinking?) things don’t always come together in beautiful harmony.

The Games:

Game 1: Making him jealous.

Ladies this one often does not work like you think it will. Strategically showing up somewhere that you know he will be with another man will not make him come crawling back to you now that he realizes your awesomeness (i.e. Single Ladies). Most men don’t do jealousy in a favorable way. On the low end, he may just brush you off for life for trying his patience like that, or on the high end he may stomp homeboy out. Neither are the desired results. Sleeping or even pretending to sleep with anyone he knows, is affiliated with, or happened to see once in the grocery store is a major no (unless you just really wanted to and don’t care). Not only will you run the risk of ending up on the wrong side of “Snapped” but you will surely damage and friendship that could have developed after the flames died.

Game 2: Pretending to be his friend when really, you just want to be nosy.

Now this is where my expertise used to lay. When my ex and I broke up I vowed that we were still friends. I went back to friend duty and everything. But deep down, I was just being nosy. I wanted to know who he was dating, talking to, sexing down, whatever. So I would hit him up and be like “So how’s life, work, pies? Dating anyone new? Ohhhh reallllllly?” The whole time I would be making mental notes. I gave up on this though because it just never worked out how I had it put together in my mind. I had no real strategy and even if I did it was going to be all wrong.

Game 3: Lying about your feelings.

If you feel some sort of way about something, just say it. For those of us ladies out there that ALWAYS feel some sort of way about EVERYTHING I suggest that you learn to pick your battles. Just like we cannot read minds, that goes both ways, only men are not persistent. We will nag the heck out of a dude to figure out what’s wrong with him (often times, he just wants some “him” time…so leave him be) meanwhile a man will ask once, and keep it moving. This is your opportunity to SPEAK UP. I believe in having a statue of limitations on arguments. We better settle it now, or it gets scratched forever. Throw sex in the mix and the argument is dead. So ladies, when he asks “What’s wrong?” this is your time to talk. If you decide to work it out on your own, let that be known and stick to it. Go figure out if you’re being rational or irrational and make adjustments. If you just aren’t ready to talk when he asks, say that, and be reasonable about when you will decide to open your mouth. Don’t be mad when he leaves you alone after the first “I’m fine.” Don’t turn your saltiness into a moment to make him salty and now y’all are fighting. This game DOES NOT WORK. I’m not even sure why we play it. I don’t see any way for this to end up good.

Game 4: Befriending his friends.

I totally support the intersection of friend circles once you’ve reached a secure level of seriousness. But always keep his male friends at a safe distance and only befriend his female friends if you have no ulterior motives. Do NOT, and I repeat DO NOT use his friends as a weapon against him. Now you’re playing with fire. Trying to get underground information on him from them could surely end in disaster and I love y’all too much to see you on the evening news. Infiltrating the den of the male wolf pack only to end up breaking it apart could have lifelong consequences. Just don’t do it. If you feel he has some female friends that could be potential enemies, I suggest you talk to HIM about that. Of course tread lightly and make sure you’re not just trippin first. Trust can go a long way, but more than likely if you are playing games, there is no trust.

Game 5: Being an open book.

I know sometimes women play  the “I’ll tell you everything if you tell me everything” game. Don’t fall for it ice cold. More than likely, you start exposing yourself feeling good about things, and two things are going on. 1) She can’t handle the truth. (Cue Baby Boy: “You wanna know the truth? You can’t handle the truth. I lie to you because I love you. I don’t love them girls.”) So if she can’t handle it, you’re done for. You just opened up only to walk into a bear trap. 2) She’s not fully disclosing to you. She may give some mild information, but anything juicy is NOT coming out her mouth. Perhaps she’s aware of how Game 1 can turn out and she knows you’re crazy. But trust and believe if she lets you see her phone or poke through her facebook/myspace  (?)/Twitter account she’s already wiped it clean. Women are smart. There is no need to save, hit delete right after.

I could think of a few more, but it’s possible that this has gotten too long. Y’all know how I am. So any other games we ladies need to stop playing? What about the games men really do play? Speak on it!

Can you place a value on life?

*** Thought it was cool that the homie wanted to do a post on the recent issues surrounding mammograms for women. So I bring it to you from @jarrydajackson and his insights into the situation. Read, comment, follow him.***

breast-cancer

What is the value of a life? I ask this question not in a traditional sense having to do mainly with philosophy; But in the practical sense having to do mainly with money.

This post comes on the heels of The United States Preventive Services Task Force recommendation that most women should not began mammograms until age 50, and at that time only once every two years.

This is very different from the previous recommendations pushing for yearly screenings starting at age 40. The panel cited many reasons for this decision. These reasons span from recent studies to the protecting women from the emotional strains of getting a false-positive reading. Although these all are reasonable, I guess, I believe the main reason for this recommendation comes down to one word: money.

I guess I’m getting ahead of myself and forget to tell you a little about me. I am a 26 year old male, graduated from an HBCU in ‘07, and currently work as a pharmacist. I’m just a couple years out of school and I have little experience in oncology but I can tell you as well as any person off the street that there are a lot of women who develop breast cancer in their 40s, especially minorities.

The angle is that early screening definitely saves lives, they’re not arguing that. But earlier screening also cost boat loads of money only to find cancer and save the lives of a small % of patients screened.  What these new recommendations intend to do is to stop “wasting” money on women who would get screened and really have no cancer. And as for the women who would benefit from this and whose lives could possibly be saved, they consider their lives lost as just a cost of doing business.

I personally as a pharmacist and as a citizen believe this whole thing is a crock of ****. I would love to say that they should take the money that they are wasting on all those meaningless government programs and put it into healthcare but I’m sure we all could find something to take government funds away from to put into something more of our liking. What I think is more problematic is that this is just the tip of the iceberg. I think, as we move toward government regulated health care we will see more and more recommendations that are in the best interest of the country financially (which is good because we’re in a recession) but worse for the individual patient. Patients whose ailments are not cost effective will either have to come out of pocket or be left out in the cold.

We all have different views on the value of life based on all sorts of parameters and experiences. I think certain instances, like war, the value of life should be viewed as what’s best for the whole. But in healthcare this value should be assessed on an individual, case-by-case base.

How do you assess the value of a life in dollars and cents? Is it even possible? Do you think we should work to ensure the greatest quality of life and save the most lives regardless of the cost? Do you think that we should put a cap on our financial contributions to achieve these goals? Or maybe a little of both, reply and let me know what you think?