Does it matter if you're black or white?


I don’t want to offend anyone with today’s blog, so just know that ahead of time. This is about interracial dating. Ultimately I don’t care what YOU do. I love Love and if you’re deep in it then I am happy as a pickle for you. I’ve actually dated a white guy once so for me personally, I can knock it since I’ve tried it. First let me start with what has prompted this subject that I’ve tried to avoid for the longest.  A friend of mine posted this on Facebook and the only reason I looked was because they introduced it by asking “Are black women driving black men away? Or is there a deeper problem?” Also the article excerpt pointed to there being friction between the two groups. Now the gentleman that posted this article is someone I respect and so I wasn’t immediately offended by his introduction, but that question in itself answers the next one. “Is there a deeper problem?” Well clearly there is. Go head, take a look, I’ll wait.

Okay, I’ll start with my personal views that way you can see that I am in fact biased and stand on a certain side of the fence. Like I said, I don’t care who YOU date, unless you are in my close circle of friends, and in that case I only care that you aren’t in an abusive situation. For me personally, I prefer to date within my “race” to the greatest extent that I can. My family comes from different cultures so you can run into several different branches of my family tree, and there are many others out there that can do the same. I just prefer to date someone that self-identifies as Black and has the more obvious credentials along with that. (LOL That’s for you folks out there that claim to be black because you greet people by saying “What it do?”) It so hard to raise a family these days as it is, I would not want to feel like I couldn’t be completely open with my children in the lessons I teach them. While I’m not looking to raise little militant baby Panthers (#lies), I will not hold back on certain truths, and I will not allow them to grow up ignorant as I had. I believe this will be easiest for ME if I found a Black man that held those same beliefs. (I have, because it’s not as hard to find as the above article paints it to be.) Plus, I LOVE black men and I think they are beautiful in all of their variety and deserving of beautiful black queens.

On to my first issue. There has been a strain on the black family structure since we got to this country. Our families were BRED and then separated to fulfill the needs of an industry we were forced into. This sowed the seeds of fear and independence into the Black Matriarch. A black mother saw her husband and father of her children ripped away from her and she HAD to step up and be the provider and nurturer for her family. After slavery when the black family was on an incline, drugs and disproportionate incarceration of our men led to another disruption to our family structure and once again the black woman had to pick up the pieces. This led to bitter resentment and it began a horrid cycle with no clear beginning and no clear way to break it. Our men were not there, our women became angry. Our women raised children that they taught to resent men because of the ills of their fathers or their sons became lost in the struggle due to their father’s absence. Then it would repeat. The son grows up not knowing how to treat a woman, the daughter grows up not knowing how to be a woman or how to interact with a man. To ask “are black women driving black men away” is frustrating. It places the blame on women solely and I truly feel we all share equal parts of the blame if we feel it necessary to point the finger. I could easily come back and say, “no we aren’t driving you away, you could never be there, and would rather choose to take the easy way out” but I won’t because I don’t believe that’s the smart way to go nor is it simply the truth.

I looked through those pictures and while I believe it was a bit dramatic, incorrect to some degree, and over-reaching I couldn’t deny that it’s a big deal. I don’t believe Ann Coulter is dating a black man named J.J. (but what do I know?) and while some of those men are dating non-black women, it’s not as if they’ve never dated a black woman before. It’s 2009 and so everyone feels like ‘we’re all just one big melting pot” and that’s cool if that’s how you get down, but that doesn’t sit so easily with me. We’re a group of people that’s culture was robbed from us, and I feel like since de-segregation became an ideal goal for us, we became more and more willing to drop any culture we had or were re-creating. I don’t like the idea that to be “great” we can assimilate into one giant multi-cultural pot. You cannot deny that decades ago dating a white woman was seen as a status symbol. You’ve arrived. Sure that may still play a role today, but I’m not sure how much, and I’m not sure how consciously. Today some people say “they are just easier to deal with” and I don’t know what that means. If that’s true then that says A) You’re lazy because you don’t want to WORK for it, and B) You know nothing about me. Of course most people say that it has nothing to do with actually SEEING color, but they just love what they love, and I don’t fully believe that but to each his own.

In an effort to wrap this up, the biggest thing that bothered me about the pictures is that it paints this picture that black women are just not desirable. At the end the author points out that black women are no longer the finest thing’s out there… I mean… “look at the backsides on those Panamanian chicks!?” Black women have been hyper-sexualized since we got here. We became the Jezebel with the big hips, thin waist, round butts, full lips, and bouncing breasts. We were playthings. So now that other women are drinking what’s in our water they match up to us? That’s what that author basically said and I wonder how many men think that? I hear guys say “white girls have booty now too” as if to say that’s all they were waiting for to leave us behind. That’s a shame. Our men have been reduced to the size of their Penis, but we still see him as more than that.

I want to save “black love”. I know many people don’t believe that it exists or care about it, or think it’s necessary, but I do. Our President is bi-racial, and that’s great! But he identifies as black and has a black family. I see that as black love, and I love it. Having dated outside of my race, I can say that there was just a different feeling. A lack of a deeper understanding. I need that. Is there a friction? Yes. I don’t believe it’s fully our faults. We’ve been conditioned to redefine our standards of beauty. So much so that when non-black women have traits more commonly associated with black women it is seen as “better”.  De-conditioning our minds would be a daunting task, and would require willingness and self-awareness. Most people don’t even care anymore and that’s fine. Just stop taking away my beauty to make you feel better about your decision to date a woman that looks nothing like your mother. If you want to date interracially, I support you and your happiness, but make it about you and no one else. The cycle should stop however, black women, stop putting down our men. It’s a struggle out there, lift him up and support him. Raise our sons and daughters to adore him. Take the chip off the shoulder. Black men, you are NOT weak. Stop acting like you can’t handle a woman that was made FOR you. If you handled her enough in the bedroom, handle what comes after that. Be there for the children that you had a hand in creating and show them how awesome you are and always respect their mother. There is bitterness there, not without a reason, but we all have to grow up, deal with it, and move on.

I think tomorrow I’ll talk more about black women and dating interracially. Hmmmm. In the meantime, look at this lovely display of love.



Why most people could never win a Nobel Peace Prize

noble peace prize

Once again current events have derailed any desire I may have had to actually finish and post today’s blog. I was really excited about it too, but today’s foolywang on the internet has prompted me to hold off on that.

President Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. I am so happy for him and so inspired by his blessings. Take a hint people. People are freaking out every which-a-way instead of coming together as Americans and being proud of our leader’s accomplishment. Those of you that want him to refuse it, what would you rather happen to that money? Did it not occur to you that he really doesn’t need $1.4 million and instead he may donate it to something more useful? Think about it.

I need to share with my readers something that another blogger friend of mine posted on his Facebook wall and then sent out to everyone that follows him online. Please Read.

“Alright, that’s it. From my wall: According to strict interpretation
of Alfred Nobel’s will, Martin Luther King shouldn’t have won the
award, either. Gorbachev has one. Ghandi does not. Take ‘fair’ and
fuck yourself with it. The Nobel Peace Prize is often awarded to draw
attention to critical global issues in the interests of promoting
peace, issues which Obama is waist-deep in and… – love him
or hate him – he is cutting new paths in (mention Afghanistan. I dare
you.) The Nobel Prize is not an award intended to blow sunshine up the
ass of the #1 Tree Hugger whose saved the most orphans in some country
no one’s ever heard of. It’s an award whose founder intended it to
promote international fraternity through the ‘gravitas’ it affords the
issues surrounding its recipient. Get off the internet and read a damn
book, and you’ll realize that the ‘preemptive’ awarding of the Nobel
Prize to Gorbachev was a catalyst to ending the Cold War. And to any
asshole, black or white, who thinks this was a ‘Negro pity award’
rooted in white guilt: the Swiss and the Norwegians didn’t own slaves,
enforce segregation, brutalize black people, or profit downstream or
indirectly from those who did. There is no white guilt to be had for
them. Shove your head a bit farther up your ass to find an excuse for
bashing Obama that actually makes sense. Face facts: Obama is taking
new, brave (albeit unproven) steps toward improved diplomacy and
international relations, and the world NEEDS him to succeed. The Nobel
Prize encourages what he’s doing, and that’s what it’s for. That is
also why YOU don’t deserve the Nobel prize. Ass.”

Now although that’s not the type of language I would use, I fully support what he’s saying.

Additionally another friends shared the following from here:

“Myth: The prize is awarded to recognize efforts for peace, human rights and democracy only after they have proven successful.

More often, the prize is awarded to encourage those who receive it to see the effort through, sometimes at critical moments.”

So please everyone, it is not the end of the world, and when you really look at how the award is given and it’s history (which is vast, and unlike several others I will not pretend like I know it all) you will see that while surprising, it is not without merit. Now please everyone take a minute, SADDOWN, and breathe. If anything Pres. Obama gets people fired up and talking about things. I have NEVER heard anyone act a fool over the Nobel Peace Prize ever before. If you can’t appreciate him for that, or for exposing and hopefully correcting our ignorance, then you cannot be satisfied. So who cares.

Check out the 13th odd fact about the Nobel Peace Prize.

This week in History


 Today’s the day we pay great homage and respect to the man  who had a dream that I’m still praying for fulfillment on. Dr.      Martin Luther King, Jr.  

 I don’t want to fill this space up with random facts and figures.  We all know his greatness and I’m proud to stand here years  later honoring a great man. It’s as almost as if his death gave  birth to a new era. It truly did. On his national holiday we are  on the eve of another great milestone. The inauguration of the  first publicly black President.

*moment of silence*

Let’s rejoice in the great things that have come to pass in these years and then rejoice in the great things that are surely in our future.


From MLK, JR and El-Hajj Malik El-Shabazz to President Elect (can’t wait till I can stop saying that) Barack Obama. We’ve come a long way, and have a long road ahead. Let’s hope our journey from here on out is a smoother one. 

This previous election also saw the very real possibility of our First Female President. Let’s take a second to honor that. This country has also come far enough in women’s rights, that we almost elected a woman to the highest office in the land. I’m pretty certain that had she have won the Democratic nomination, Senator Clinton (well, Sec. of State) would be our President-Elect today.

Isn’t that beautiful? Let’s be happy that women in our society are excelling and moving beyond our previous position of subservience.  I believe we take that for granted. I know I do. I don’t think about lucky I am that I don’t have to be in constant terror at the thought that someone may break down my doors and rape me in front of my family. I don’t have to fear my entire neighborhood being burned to the ground by militants and soldiers. I don’t worry about being gang raped while my siblings watch in terror and then being ostracized by my community. I’m so grateful that I don’t have to watch my family members be murdered, or have my body brutalized by military weapons.

Gruesome right? That’s because it’s not our reality. It’s the reality of the women living in the Democratic Republic of The Congo. Please help me help these women get their lives back.



P.S. I don’t mean to undermine the greatness of today, and this week with such horrid stories. But these women’s torture doesn’t end on holidays. My dedication to it will not either. Let us REJOICE in what we do have and ACT for what others don’t.