BET!!!! Why do you hurt me so?

I hate BET. I don’t have enough space, time, or red bull to explain in total why I hate BET. But if you really want to see me rant, just leave me a comment, and I’ll get my mind right for it. I haven’t actually watched this channel in years. I’m so grateful for that.

Yesterday via Twitter a dear friend of mine (or not, since he sent me this mess and IMPLORED me to discuss) sent me the link to the BET Awards Nominees. At first I said I wasn’t going to look, but then I did, and I wept. First of all, I am desparately sad at the state of Black Music these days. It’s horrid. I realize that this is my stuck up opinion and that hey, everybody aint into what I’m into. That’s fine, but that just means that you suck. LOL. Now I am not above liking a F**kery song here and there. Here’s proof:

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Before I get down into it, let me apologize to 80% of my friends. I’m sorry. I know you like The Dream, Ryan Leslie, Keri Hilson, etc. I still love you, and hope that you will still love me after this is said and done.

*clears throat*

On to the nominees. I’ll only cover the ones I really have a comment on.

Best Male R&B Artist: The Dream, Ryan Leslie, T-Pain, Ne-yo, Jamie Foxx.

Just kill me now. You know that we’re in a recession when The Dream & T-Pain are listed as R&B Artists. This baffles me. That’s singing? I feel this insults all men out there who are truly gifted and struggling to make it in the world of Autotunes. I don’t want anyone to win because this is an epic fail. I hope that this category randomly bursts into flames and never makes it to award night.

Best Female R&B Artist: Beyonce, Jennifer Hudson, Jasmine Sullivan, Keri Hilson, Keyshia Cole.

I mean I guess this is okay. This is about as good as it’s going to get thanks to NeoSoul being a different genre. I just can’t wait to see the Bey/JHud showdown. Clearly Bey will win it though because Gay men refuse to let Single Ladies die.

Best Group: Day 26, GS Boys, N.E.R.D., The Roots, Three 6 Mafia.

Here’s where I really want to go Incredible Hulk on the entire BET nominating committee, BET in general, 106 & Park, people whose initials spell BET, and the gambling industry for calling it “placing a BET”. Are you serious!? You would put The Roots and N.E.R.D. beside the GS BOYS??!?! I don’t even know who they are! I had to google it to find out they are responsible for the STANKY LEG! I’m not so out of touch that I didn’t know what that was. I hate hate hate BET. I don’t even know what Three 6 Mafia did last year. Someone, fill me in? Screw this category. Again, I hope it bursts into flames. I love me some N.E.R.D. and The Roots. They don’t deserve this mockery.

Best Collaboration: Jamie/T-Pain “Blame It”, Keri/Weezy “Turnin Me On”, Jim Jones/Ron Browns/Juelz “Pop Champagne”, T.I./Naked Lifetime Special “Live Your Life”, Young LA/Young Dro/T.I. “Aint I”

This should be… Best clusterf***.  Or Best Club joint. I’m just happy this year that the whole category is not just alternating between Weezy & T-Pain. I swear one award show I saw was like So&So/Weezy, So&So/T-Pain, So&So/Weezy, So&So/T-Pain, Weezy/T-pain. Who cares who wins.

Best Female Hip Hop Artist: Lil Mama, M.I.A., Trina

WTHoly Ham & Cheese Batman? Lil Mama? She’s still doing music? I thought she was a judge on a show in which she has no expertise? I’m so lost right now. I bet M.I.A. will feel real salty if she doesn’t win. (At least she should) I’m a FLA girl so of course I like Trina.. but not enough to give her a freaking award for teaching us how to look back at it. Stop the madness.

Best New Artist: Kid Cudi, Jasmine Sullivan, M.I.A., Ryan Leslie, Keri Hilson.

I support this category because no matter how much I can’t stand the artist, I respect them hustlin’ for that money, and I’m all about them getting props. I’m just sad that MY fave new artists never get love. That’s probably because they are still selling CD’s out of their cars. Why isn’t Drake on here? He’s not new, but technically, maybe he is? Or is it because he doesn’t have videos and hoes? I guess Mixtapes don’t make it in. They should. Where is Janelle Monae? Or was she new last year? I have too many questions. My vote is for M.I.A. (who also, isn’t new). I like Kid Cudi, but I’m not on his jock yet.

Video of the year: Beyonce and then some other people.

Bey is nominated twice. If I Were A Boy (who sat through that whole thing?) and Single Ladies. It doesn’t matter who else is nominated because the Gay Male Illuminati will not allow Bey to lose for Single Ladies. Done.

Best Actor: Common, Idris Elba, Jamal Woolard, Will Smith, Samuel L. Jackson

I had to look closely at who the heck Jamal Woolard was. I didn’t see Notorious. Sorry. I’m a Will Smith Stan…. he better win. Too bad I won’t be watching to know.

Best Actress: Angela Bassett, Taraji P. Henson, Beyonce, Jennifer Hudson, Rosario Dawson.

Angela & Beyonce please sit down. First off Taraji should win hands down. This chick was up for an OSCAR! People finally know her name and will stop calling her “I hate you Jodi”. I’m both mad/happy she’s even in this thing. Mad because a BET award is like winning an old dusty TV from a random raffle. You don’t mind having the TV, but you don’t need it, and it’ll go in that room that no one uses. Happy because BET was smart enough to recognize her awesomeness. Rosario is great too, but Seven Pounds does not = Benjamin Button. Sorry, sit down. Jennifer Hudson, I’m not exactly sure what movie this is for. Love you, sit down.

That’s about it. These are my randomly rude thoughts and I’m sorry if you feel like I offended your musical tastes. If you would like to be put on to what I feel is real music, please hit me up. I love to share and expose underrated artists!

Feel free to comment here or over Twitter/FB.

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