Bey's Back!

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It’s not like she ever went anywhere, but you know, she was chillin for about 5 minutes so to have a new video from her it’s like Christmas came early. So I heard all the Twitter that Beyonce and Lady Gaga did a remix to Video Phone but I didn’t ever seek to hear it because I honestly just didn’t care. Lady Gaga, while EXTREMELY talented, scares me and reminds me of the monster I always knew was under my bed. Imagine that, I’m 25 and she finally decides to show herself. Lady Gaga is like Paranomal Activity and True Blood in real life. iDigress.

Here is the video.

Now you guys KNOW that I LOVE Beyonce and would NEVER say an ill thing about her… ever. While my application to Beyonce Standom got lost in the mail, I am still being closely monitored by the Black Gay Male Illuminati. So at the end of this post I will do my repentance Single Ladies montage complete with yelling “NOW WHERE. MAH. RING.?” (© VMA’s) in the mirror at least 20 times.

On to the video. I mean when it comes to Bey recently I’ve just been left confused. As I’ve previously blogged about, her last 4 Sasha Fierce videos (well it was 3 at the time) looked damn near the same with a few little tweaks here and there. I honestly got to the point where outside of Single Ladies I didn’t know which video was what and went where. It seems Bey has a bit of a thing for the number 3, black and white, and evil twins whether they be her breast or two strong looking women.

Here in her latest installment Giselle gives us a bit more. A lot more actually. First let’s start with what hasn’t changed.

Things Bey’s producers can’t let go of:

  • Her being half naked. This time in the beginning, her onesie has the sides cut out. So It looks like Bey had to actually get in the gym for real for this one. No corsets baby.
  • Ahh #basic jerky dance moves. (More on this later)
  • The number 3. Once again we’re faced with watching Bey and backups. Except this time they are men. (Scholars maintain that they were ALWAYS men)
  • Lack of pants. Seriously, I pray that Jesus protect Beyonce from a yeast infection. That is all.
  • Boobs… I feel like Bey’s boobs were just all over the place in this one. Not quite like Ego but all in the place nonetheless. It’s funny because she’s still a member of the IBTC, but somehow her breast got more people and I now believe them.

Next we can go on to what has changed.

New things Bey’s producers decided to give us:

  • Color. Like real color this time.
  • The real Beyonce. The Houston in her really came out. I mean when I first heard the song (love it) I heard it when she said “Shawty whacho’ name is” but I mean watching her say it took it to another level. I swear the re-recorded just for that. Straight up this was not Beyonce in the video. This was her original self, Bianca. Straight up hood.
  • Knowledge of Bey’s stripper abilities. We get it. I had to ask my friend, “Who exactly is this video for?” Because I love Bey and now I’m going to get in the gym, but seriously. I think this is for all the men that love Jay-Z but hate on him and therefore wish to fantasize about his wife. She kinda put down the jerk (no new boyz) and picked up the pole. Seriously, I’ve seen those same moves in Strokers, Magic City…wait… I don’t go to strip clubs. So ummm….scratch that.
  • Beyonce twinnage. Instead of bringing back the evil twins (she must have a rule only allowing a set number of others on the set with her.) Bey decided to just reproduce herself over the green screen. Interesting.
  • Lady Gaga. This was kind of embarrassing for me because this was the first time I ever heard her contribution. I just didn’t see where she fit. Again, she’s an amazing singer and it was nice to see her without looking like Leatherface and wearing a mask of previous Pop Diva’s skin. However, what was she talking about? Which beat was she singing to? Why would they put her in the same outfit as Bey, next to her, knowing that Bey’s ass would eat her alive? Lady Gaga just disappeared in the abyss that is Beyonce’s shadow. Back there she found Kelly, Michelle, Lil Mama, Latoya, and that other chick. No Hubba Hubba. Their dance sequence had me all kinds of befuddled.

Other than that I think Beyonce once again showed what we already knew. She’s extremely hot, and her weave can take on several forms. She’s extremely hood and Jay-Z has probably installed a pole in every room in the house. #notmadathimplaya. LOL

I think I’m the only one that had something completely different in mind for a video concept for this song. But then again, I’m sure guns, random space men, and 80’s hip hop clothing all have something to do with being recorded on a video phone.

Any thoughts from the masses?

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The VMA's have a big ego

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The VMA’s confirmed last night why I have the cable package that doesn’t include BET, MTV, VH1 or anything that could confirm the downward spiral that is society. I mean I literally have the Food Network, HGTV, and other channels that are typically considered boring, but keep me sane.

On to the show.

It would be silly for me to simply go down the list and repeat all that happened. It was too late for me to write my blog post last night and by this point everything that happened is old news. Rather I would like to give my commentary on what I really took away from the show. Not just “wow, that dress was pretty” but more like what my over-analytical mind managed to dwell upon as the night came to a close.

The Michael Jackson tribute made me happy. I honestly didn’t hear a word that Madonna said because she began to sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher. However, after Madge got off the stage things really picked up. I loved how they paid great homage to his legacy of having the TRUE best videos of all times and Janet sent shivers down my spine. I love her and I love her even more for giving an amazing performance when I know that she was probably reminded of how much he really meant to her with each move she made. I know I was. However I will say I died and laughed at the same time at the dancer that #failed on the Smooth Criminal lean. His poor dancing career will always be marred by that moment. Where were his shoes!?

Lady Gaga was something else. As someone who is relatively unfamiliar with her I had no idea what to expect. I first heard the Poker Face song (her complete version) in the gym during my Hip Hop Aerobics class and I wasn’t really listening. What I will say is she scared the living daylights out of me. I was vibin’ with her performance then she got all wild and bloody and creepy. Then after her performance, cut to her sitting there looking like a frozen Carrie after the Prom Blood Bath

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and I literally jumped out my chair. Honestly, at that moment I knew prayer was desperately needed in that room. Later she actually walked onto the stage looking like that and if I were the presenter I would have surely ran off grasping for holy water. She capped off the night looking as though her face was the egg in the nest from last night’s episode of True Blood. Something tells me that she’s a huge fan of that show.

Outside of those things and a few decent/not so decent/who cares performances the show was pretty much like “If it wasn’t for MJ/Janet I wouldn’t even be watching”. I didn’t know who any of those VJ’s were, hardly any of the winners, and to be honest I didn’t care. Yes Beyonce was great, yes Jay-Z was fly (Where was VMA security last night!? Who let Lil’ Mama on stage!?)

Oh wait, there was that one thing. You know, when Kanye West proved why they shoulda never gave us ninja’s money. Just in case you were and are still under a rock here is the clip. Don’t know how long it will be up.

People were going crazy on twitter and facebook about this and this was all that the radio stations could talk about this morning. I’m actually pretty shocked and confused at the response. If this wasn’t staged, how could anyone look at this and think that it was okay? Yes, I know this wasn’t his first outburst and not the first ever at an awards show (ODB anyone?), but seriously when can we expect this dude to grow up? This man puts so much energy into things that do not matter that if he cared THAT much about the state of this country maybe he could help us get some things done around here. What IS his Philanthropy? The $500k that he contributed to his foundation needs to be matched so he can get some HELP.  He was RUDE. It doesn’t matter if the whole world believes Beyonce should have won. You send that out on Twitter, post a blog about it, or whisper it to the statue sitting next to you. Oh that was Amber Rose? Well, you tell her! Don’t get up and act a fool to someone that aint never done a thing to you on behalf of someone who probably could care less as she’s counting her millions. Get over yourself. You owe Beyonce an apology really. Thanks to you, HER moment was overshadowed by your idiocy as she had to compensate to make amends. Your half-assed, ALL CAPS, apology to Taylor Swift we could have gone without. I’m sure she could care less. You said what you said because you meant it, just apologize for your lack of decorum and permanently SIT DOWN. He’s a clown and it’s terribly hard to take him seriously. His attitude irritates me so bad that unless he comes out with another Late Registration, I honestly don’t think I could hang with him anymore. I can’t sell out with him anymore. His take on life frustrates my positive aura. LOL

I think the entertainment industry has always depended upon the sick and twisted parts of our minds. From the Gladiator arenas in which people lined up to see men eaten to death, to Crucifixtions and Lynchings that were public fun, to the freak shows that people paid to see. It’s no secret that we are entertained by other people’s humiliation and downfall. So many people applauded Kanye for “keeping it real” as though that was the only way for him to do so. You can Keep It Real without tearing someone else down. People loved the drama of it all because it wasn’t them. If someone ruined a moment for you that was very special in front of millions, it wouldn’t be so funny. On VH1’s Storytellers in Touch The Sky, Kanye talked about learning from others and not being an a**hole your whole life, but clearly he forgot all about that. Maybe it was the Hennesy.

To those of you that stand behind what Kanye DID, I really hope you take a long hard look at how you act in the streets. If you can excuse that sort of behavior I wonder if you even know what decorum looks like. I saw some people talking about how “he was standing up to the white man and the people tearing him down are kissing the slave master’s backside and blah blah blah”. Get out of my face with that. Where were YOU when Rep. Joe Wilson disrespected OUR President? Did you give money to his opponent Rob Miller? Did you do your research on who was really lying? Did you call your congressman or woman to get them to push reform? Or were Frank and Wanda on the radio right when they said that our people don’t want to hear about that? They claimed that we are far more concerned with what our silly celebrities are doing. SMH.

Oh but this…. this is funny.

Beyonce: My last post before they kidnap me

Beyonce! You and I, we go back and forth. Well not so much. It’s more like you do something, I rant (or rave) about it, you never see it, your stans take out hits on me, wash….rinse….repeat. So I guess it is a bit one-sided. I’m not a hater, I love you, and want to help.

Today, I want to talk about your newest video of the Sasha Fierce flavor, yet since the heat is getting hotter and hotter, I have to take precautions. Yesterday I stumbled upon @Beyonce_stans on twitter and this is what I saw. Bey, I’s scared. As if Beyonceitis.com and the Black Gay Male Illuminati (B.G.M.I) weren’t enough, now there’s THIS!?

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Now Mrs. Carter, I know that there is no way in your good ole Christian heart that is the size of Texas that you would support such outright buffoonery and e-thuggery of such prodigious proportions! To be fair, I will share what my dear friend Apuje tweeted that warranted such an assault on his visage (and if I do say so myself, he’s quite handsome, so the tirade was without warrant).

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Now this brings me back to my original point. The Video. Apuje is kinda right Bey. Let’s show the video shall we?

Ok, let’s go through this in a way that perhaps won’t get me sliced up before I can go home and do my Single Ladies repentance dances in the mirror tonight.

My thoughts as I watched the video:

Okay… okay…. got some color. I like this. Blue is always nice. Calming.

I like this new location. Outside. Very nice Giselle. Change it up a bit.

Whoa! Bey… really.. with the boobs? I feel like they are threatening me! Bout to come out and jab me! Did you audition for Drakes Breast I Ever Had video? No? You would have been a lock.

I see we’re revisiting the jerky dances moves. I’m telling you, I should do the choreography for these videos. This song is to sexy for all this jerking around.

Oh, hello. I see the “Evil Twins” are back. Can’t do a Sasha Fierce video without them I see.

But I’m feeling the moves now. We’re flowing, it’s hot it’s sexy. Bey is really givin’ it to us.

Oh! Here we go. Beyonce,  I am going to start a Non-Profit Org to fund a campaign to force Label Execs, Tina, and yo daddy to stop making you wear corsets! Hunny, yo’ body is AMAZING! Tell them to stop trying to squeeze and starve you! You did that commercial for Hamburger Helper and I just know in the back of your mind you were thinking “I really wish they wouldn’t make me squat like this. I haven’t had Hamburger Helper since I was 6. I wish they would just let me smell some. I won’t eat it, I promise. Maybe they’ll let me lick the inside of the sauce packet. Oh well, one grape a day isn’t all *that* bad.”

Oh my Beyonce! Are you freestyling!? Who told you to do these dance moves! This doesn’t fit!

At 1:28 into the video you break out into some Pompano Boys style Ridin’ Out and it just caught me the hell off guard!

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What on EARTH are you doing?! Now I’m angry.

This silver  cutup getup you have on is pretty. Very pretty. But it makes the boobs look threatening again. I am fearful.

Your “non-verbal” cues on certain words confuse me. Earlier you said “your my perfect lullabye” and you waved *bye*….. then you say “you’re my temporary high” and you wave *hi*. It’s cute but the ASL says it’s a #fail.

The imagery is getting much better, and I’m enjoying this. Mirrors, crashing mirrors. Explosive. Love it.

What the HOLY HAMHOCKS AND CORNBREAD!! Are those Fingerwaves!?

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Yes… They are. This is wrong Bey. Because of this, my friend was viciously attacked on Twitter. His life will never be the same. No one will. How did they do this? Is this a Fingerwaved Lacefront? A Finger-infusion if you will?

I just… I can’t. Beyonce, we keep trying with you. I told you that I loved the Sasha Fierce side and I told you I would never dare workout to anything else. I even deleted Britney Spears’ Womanizer off my iPod for fear of the B.G.M.I. and what they would do to me if they over-heard it while waiting in line for the booty lift machine. I watched the “Making of the Sasha Fierce Video” over and over again, gleefully awaiting this video. I don’t understand why you are a Robot. What in the Heavenly-Janelle-Monae are you doing? Is Sasha Fierce a Deceptecon? Transformers & Beyonce Stans alike… please advise?

That is all. I’m too afraid to proceed. Just know Beyonce, I see that you have people.. I got people too. Don’t think you can creep up on me. *gets my gris gris out just in case*

Thanks to you I’m sure I’ll never sleep again. Sweet Dreams my A**.

What are y’alls thoughts?

Bey I love you but…..

Before I get started, I feel like I need to offer up a peace offering or something to Beyonceits.com so that I don’t end up with a dead cow in my bed and curses from old connected sicilian families.

So to Beyonceits.com I say:  I love Beyonce! I do! She is way better than Janet Jackson, Ciara, Kelly Rowland, Ashanti, and whoever else dares to step to her! She owns the world!!!

Also… to the Gay Male Illuminati (GMI) that is headquartered here in ATL. I promise I will do Single Ladies every single night in front of my mirror with my body duct taped to a size 2 as pennance for the ill that I am about to speak of your Goddess. I am sorry.

*goes in the back to vomit from the pain of the searing lies*

No but seriously! I mean it! She is PERFECT!

(Calls up e-posse)

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Now that the pleasantries are done with, let’s get right down to it. I refuse to let ANYONE call me a hater for saying what I’m about to say. Bey looks amazing in this video, and I sincerely love her boobs, but aside from all that let’s just be REAL people. Take your shiny chandalier glasses off! You can’t see with those anyway! What in the Holy House of Dereon Hell (HHDH) is GOING ON?! (Love you Mama Tina!)

This

is the same video as this

and this

At least in Diva you let us believe that we were going to get something new and different. It seems like when you are in your creative meetings for your videos your mind is on wash, rinse, repeat:

  • Hey Guys… Let’s go for a Black & White feel. It’s unique every time I do it.
  • I only want 2 other dancers! It reminds me of when I was in the “good” Destiny’s Child without all of the guilt for being put in the spotlight over the other two girls. This is MY sh** to begin with.
  • I want BODYSUITS! We spend way too much time stuffing me into corsets and starving my naturally sexy and curvy body (that the white people aren’t ready for yet). I have to show it off!
  • As far as choreography, my corset is too tight to allow for extremely fluid and complex movements (i.e. Ciara). Let’s get Fosse on deck and Fatima, she’s good at the jerky dance moves. Look what she did for Aaliyah’s dancing.

I’m just saying Bey….

Can we get some color!? Maybe a couple extra girls? Like my girl said, I can’t knock you for working Smarter not Harder, but I’m just SAYIN! I feel like I’m caught in the Matrix and the joke is on me. Everyone is ranting and raving about how great the video is and I mean… it’s not bad, but HAVE WE NOT SEEN THIS BEFORE!? Only you Bey… Only you could do this. I bow down to your greatness.

Since I’m already expecting a hit to be placed on me, I haven’t listened to a single song off of the I Am.. half of your album, nor have I watched any video from it. It sucks Bey. It just does. I could have done without that part of the album. At least with Sasha Fierce I can get my workout on and have dance battles with lower ranking members of the GMI in the club. Also, why so much Spanish? When you did it with B-day, I was concerned. I really was. I felt like you were channeling your inner Selena, but then I realized that was just Shakira. But Beyonce… being that you are Creole, wouldn’t it make sense to pop some French in that thang too? Now that would really impress me. “Si Yo Fuero Un Chico” is just not enough. Give me “Si j’étais garçon” and I will shut the hell up. (***Update. It seems she has sung in French before. But it wasn’t good. Her accent is wompity womp womp. I want an entire album translated! Thank you to my Twitter fam for checking me before the BeyBey’s kids got to me.)

Are you trying anymore Bey? If you are just let me know.

BET!!!! Why do you hurt me so?

I hate BET. I don’t have enough space, time, or red bull to explain in total why I hate BET. But if you really want to see me rant, just leave me a comment, and I’ll get my mind right for it. I haven’t actually watched this channel in years. I’m so grateful for that.

Yesterday via Twitter a dear friend of mine (or not, since he sent me this mess and IMPLORED me to discuss) sent me the link to the BET Awards Nominees. At first I said I wasn’t going to look, but then I did, and I wept. First of all, I am desparately sad at the state of Black Music these days. It’s horrid. I realize that this is my stuck up opinion and that hey, everybody aint into what I’m into. That’s fine, but that just means that you suck. LOL. Now I am not above liking a F**kery song here and there. Here’s proof:

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Before I get down into it, let me apologize to 80% of my friends. I’m sorry. I know you like The Dream, Ryan Leslie, Keri Hilson, etc. I still love you, and hope that you will still love me after this is said and done.

*clears throat*

On to the nominees. I’ll only cover the ones I really have a comment on.

Best Male R&B Artist: The Dream, Ryan Leslie, T-Pain, Ne-yo, Jamie Foxx.

Just kill me now. You know that we’re in a recession when The Dream & T-Pain are listed as R&B Artists. This baffles me. That’s singing? I feel this insults all men out there who are truly gifted and struggling to make it in the world of Autotunes. I don’t want anyone to win because this is an epic fail. I hope that this category randomly bursts into flames and never makes it to award night.

Best Female R&B Artist: Beyonce, Jennifer Hudson, Jasmine Sullivan, Keri Hilson, Keyshia Cole.

I mean I guess this is okay. This is about as good as it’s going to get thanks to NeoSoul being a different genre. I just can’t wait to see the Bey/JHud showdown. Clearly Bey will win it though because Gay men refuse to let Single Ladies die.

Best Group: Day 26, GS Boys, N.E.R.D., The Roots, Three 6 Mafia.

Here’s where I really want to go Incredible Hulk on the entire BET nominating committee, BET in general, 106 & Park, people whose initials spell BET, and the gambling industry for calling it “placing a BET”. Are you serious!? You would put The Roots and N.E.R.D. beside the GS BOYS??!?! I don’t even know who they are! I had to google it to find out they are responsible for the STANKY LEG! I’m not so out of touch that I didn’t know what that was. I hate hate hate BET. I don’t even know what Three 6 Mafia did last year. Someone, fill me in? Screw this category. Again, I hope it bursts into flames. I love me some N.E.R.D. and The Roots. They don’t deserve this mockery.

Best Collaboration: Jamie/T-Pain “Blame It”, Keri/Weezy “Turnin Me On”, Jim Jones/Ron Browns/Juelz “Pop Champagne”, T.I./Naked Lifetime Special “Live Your Life”, Young LA/Young Dro/T.I. “Aint I”

This should be… Best clusterf***.  Or Best Club joint. I’m just happy this year that the whole category is not just alternating between Weezy & T-Pain. I swear one award show I saw was like So&So/Weezy, So&So/T-Pain, So&So/Weezy, So&So/T-Pain, Weezy/T-pain. Who cares who wins.

Best Female Hip Hop Artist: Lil Mama, M.I.A., Trina

WTHoly Ham & Cheese Batman? Lil Mama? She’s still doing music? I thought she was a judge on a show in which she has no expertise? I’m so lost right now. I bet M.I.A. will feel real salty if she doesn’t win. (At least she should) I’m a FLA girl so of course I like Trina.. but not enough to give her a freaking award for teaching us how to look back at it. Stop the madness.

Best New Artist: Kid Cudi, Jasmine Sullivan, M.I.A., Ryan Leslie, Keri Hilson.

I support this category because no matter how much I can’t stand the artist, I respect them hustlin’ for that money, and I’m all about them getting props. I’m just sad that MY fave new artists never get love. That’s probably because they are still selling CD’s out of their cars. Why isn’t Drake on here? He’s not new, but technically, maybe he is? Or is it because he doesn’t have videos and hoes? I guess Mixtapes don’t make it in. They should. Where is Janelle Monae? Or was she new last year? I have too many questions. My vote is for M.I.A. (who also, isn’t new). I like Kid Cudi, but I’m not on his jock yet.

Video of the year: Beyonce and then some other people.

Bey is nominated twice. If I Were A Boy (who sat through that whole thing?) and Single Ladies. It doesn’t matter who else is nominated because the Gay Male Illuminati will not allow Bey to lose for Single Ladies. Done.

Best Actor: Common, Idris Elba, Jamal Woolard, Will Smith, Samuel L. Jackson

I had to look closely at who the heck Jamal Woolard was. I didn’t see Notorious. Sorry. I’m a Will Smith Stan…. he better win. Too bad I won’t be watching to know.

Best Actress: Angela Bassett, Taraji P. Henson, Beyonce, Jennifer Hudson, Rosario Dawson.

Angela & Beyonce please sit down. First off Taraji should win hands down. This chick was up for an OSCAR! People finally know her name and will stop calling her “I hate you Jodi”. I’m both mad/happy she’s even in this thing. Mad because a BET award is like winning an old dusty TV from a random raffle. You don’t mind having the TV, but you don’t need it, and it’ll go in that room that no one uses. Happy because BET was smart enough to recognize her awesomeness. Rosario is great too, but Seven Pounds does not = Benjamin Button. Sorry, sit down. Jennifer Hudson, I’m not exactly sure what movie this is for. Love you, sit down.

That’s about it. These are my randomly rude thoughts and I’m sorry if you feel like I offended your musical tastes. If you would like to be put on to what I feel is real music, please hit me up. I love to share and expose underrated artists!

Feel free to comment here or over Twitter/FB.

Obsessed Movie Review

Now it seems as though plenty of people have shared their personal thoughts on the movie, but far fewer have given an actual review. The running consensus is that Men should NOT go to see this movie, do NOT take your girl, and that this is the scariest movie of 2009. I disagree with all of those, and say Men, PLEASE watch this movie. It is a complete guide of WHAT NOT TO DO. Now, I will say if you do not wish to have the plot spoiled, please do not continue to read. Honestly though, the movie is so predictable you will have it all figured out in the first 15 minutes. Go ahead and read, and then go ahead and watch the movie for visuals sake.

First off, I expected some of Bey’s more sexier songs to be randomly playing in the scenes between her and Idris. A little Cater 2 U, T-Shirt…. something. Hell Dangerously In Love would have been super fitting for the dramatic fight scene. Nonetheless, it wasn’t so.

So Derek (Idris) is basically a high powered Investment Banker (I think) who has a thing for office chicks. He’s married to Sharon (Bey) who used to be the uneducated but extremely-hot-so-I-GOTS-ta-have-her girl who worked as his assistant. I found this to be really interesting, and I’ll explore that in just a few. Now if you ask me, the movie got down to the crazy rather quickly. I’d say in about the first 15 minutes the Psycho Lisa (Ali Later) came in, we realized she was psycho, and Derek should have used his Black Spider Sense (BSS) and fired her ass, end movie.

I hate to make it a race issue because many people prior to seeing the movie said that they refused to see it like that, and those of us who do are race baiters and blah blah blah. But, for the sake of this blog (and because I’m sorry, I just saw it like that) let’s make it about race because it’s that much funnier when you do. This is clearly a case of Not Who You Want In Your Life. As a well educated, wealthy, fine black man (and he really was fine in this movie) you do NOT need sexy white women in your life. Under NO circumstances. Hell, you probably don’t need ANY white women in your life. Unless she’s your boss, do not talk to her. Even in that case, take the bass out of your voice and pretend to be gay. If you are married, pretend to be gay anyway. Derek should have known this.

So Derek is your all around nice guy, he talks to you in the elevator, he’s all about business but if you cry he’ll sit down to give you some sound relationship advice. WRONG move. In one scene Derek sees the Psycho crying. Of course she’s clearly setting a trap for him, and he falls hook, line, and sinker. He was just passing through the breakroom for his lunch, but the nice guy in him just couldn’t let her crazy ass sit there and cry. *Note to men* We are able to cry at the drop of a hat. It’s a gift. We do it because it works. It always does. Stop falling for it unless YOU really did something to make her cry. At least think it through first before you get all hero on her. So he sits down and gives her a shoulder to cry on about her ex situation and then he goes about his way. Of course, the Psychoness only gets deeper.

Throughout the rest of the movie, he does a series of really dumb things that I pray no smart Black man would do in the same situation. I mean this guy was educated and highly accomplished at work, but had no clue on how to handle a crazy chick. He made a series of dumb moves from talking to this girl too much, to letting her fondle him and get naked in his car without whooping her ass telling his wife, the HR department, or filing a restraining order. He needs a serious lesson in How to Cover Your Ass.

Let’s go back to Bey. She’s his lovely wife, and it became pretty clear that she was this girl that he probably tried to jump off with, but she’s got skills. He figures he can make her into the housewife to raise his kids and have that total Corporate White Man Package. She bucks the system though because after having his first child, she wants to get her degree and have some sense about herself. (He doesn’t like this) Also, after meeting Psycho she can immediately tell that she isn’t the business. To a lot of men I’m sure they saw her as hating, but in reality, she used to be that girl. She already knew the deal. She orders him to fire her, but he’s the “go with the flow type” and just assumes she’ll be gone herself. He doesn’t get worried (like he should) when she keeps popping up all over the place.

Well Long Story Short, Bey finds out, “leaves him”, they get back together, girl comes back and semi-kidnaps their child (which to me is grounds to seek out that crazy chick and have her murdered arrested), they get an alarm system, her and Bey come face to face and fight until Psycho Becky loses and dies. The fight scene was pretty funny. Bey was really on her ghetto “bring it on BITCH” and Psycho was just like a stealth tiger. To me Bey didn’t really do enough. It should have been over much quicker. She was trying to be all brolick, when in reality she should have gone in hard, clocked the hoe one-time real good with the dresser mirror and dipped. But noooo, she let ole girl get her hands on her. If you don’t watch any part of the movie, watch this part. Another What Not To Do.

Random Thoughts Throughout The Movie:

  • When drunk white people dance, it is never okay.
  • What is with the over the top gay assistant? Why was he set to ruin that man’s life?
  • I swear Apple must pay big bucks to be the Laptop of ALL Movies.
  • It would have been real funny if Ring The Alarm was the closing credits song.
  • What took the Cop so long to get there? Where were the REST of the PoPo’s? See black family moves on up and still can’t get no help. (I keed. I keed.)
  • Why did Bey’s face look so round? She looked half Asian. They need to leave that girl’s ethnicity alone.

That’s about it. Overall rating… 2 1/2 stars out of 5. Bey’s Hood Chick persona was laughable, and dude was too stupid. This movie was PRE-DIC-TA-BLE. Men… DO NOT DO ANYTHING THAT HE DID. Except the buying the house, cars, etc. stuff. LOL

Single Ladies, Put a ring on HIM?

beyonce_ring480

Necole Bitchie had a blog a while back about how Michael Jai White’s wife Courtney proposed to him because she was tired of waiting. Ms. Bitchie was simply putting it out there that maybe it is okay for women to propose considering that our men are acting as if they don’t want to. She also quoted a very important quote that I’ll share with you over here.

“A stunned White beamed a Kool-Aid smile and responded affirmatively. “I was pleasantly shocked and didn’t feel emasculated at all, ” admits White. ”I immediately said ‘yes’ because I knew that I was going to spend the rest of my life with her whether we got married or not.”

Now, here’s where I get started. Well before I get into that quote, let me just say my piece on the topic. I for one, will not be proposing to no man, no time soon. Call me a traditionalist, call me conservative, call me Susan, I don’t care (Sorry Whitney). I just have very solid ideas for how relationships and marriage should work, and I hope to see those things through for myself. I honestly don’t feel as though my *hang-ups* regarding not proposing to a man will end up in me being single for life. In this day and age it seems like the lines are getting reeeeeaaaaaal blurry when it comes to who is the woman and who is the man. I believe in equal pay for women, and women’s rights and such, but (and maybe it’s my religious beliefs) I do believe that there are certain roles we play in relationships that allow things to work cohesively. No matter who makes the most money in my household the man will be the man and I will be the woman. That means he can act as provider, he can fix stuff, and I can be the nurturer and I can run the family. Doing these things doesn’t take away from my independence, my ability to also have a job or anything else (see: Michelle Obama, Claire Huxtable (but not the porn version!Nooo!)), or even not allow us to occasionally do things in the other’s role. This meaning, he cooks, or I mow the lawn. With that being said, AINT NO WAY, I’m going to let a man think he can be with me for the rest of my life with or without a spiritual commitment. The Bible says (here I go) “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing.” Not.. “She who finds a husband has found a good thing too.” I give props to Mrs. White (or is he Mr. Chatman?) for stepping to the plate and “putting a ring on it.” It just wouldn’t be me.

His above quote shows just how willing he was to keep her waiting for that special day. Was he planning on having children with her? While many feel like marriage is not a requirement for having children, I for one don’t plan on putting the cart before the horse. Things happen, true, but I don’t want to plan on it. In her situation she had only been dating him for a year. To her that may have been too long, and the pressure to get married may have been strong. I don’t think that’s too long to date before getting married so I know I wouldn’t have been feeling the itch too bad. However, to me, if its been years and he’s not asking I wouldn’t feel like marriage is something he wanted and proposing to him instead would be the last thing on my mind.

I really do wish the best for Mrs. & Mr. Chatman(white?) because no matter how they got there I love to see beautiful married couples. I just can’t wrap my mind around how I could possibly feel comfortable or good knowing that I had to ask HIM, and then knowing that he was content to never ask me at all!

What do the people say? Am I out of the loop and doomed for life until I accept this as a possible reality for myself? Was Beyonce off the mark and instead of bein up in the club, doin her own lil thang she should have put a ring on him? Who buys the ring? Surely she does. Then who puts it on who? Someone please, tell me how this works!

Questions, questions, DISCUSS!