Stop. Celebrity. Worship

screamingfans

Please! Celebrity Worship Syndrome. It’s not good for you.

I just can’t take it anymore. We can discuss celebrities without the worship. It’s to the point now where anyone with over 2,000 followers on twitter thinks they are a celebrity and deserve shout outs in the club and a platter of free wings. No Bueno! Although I’ll take them free wangs. Lemon Pepper please.

An-tee-ways. I’m tired of hearing about every little thing concerning so and so or who cares. Well, it’s not so much hearing about it as it is how everyone blows things way out of proportion. I am of the camp that celebs need not talk about their private lives AT ALL. Just because the media is a lynch mob and pesters the hell out of them does not mean they have to oblige. Whether it’s good or bad. We make these people role model when outside of what they do professionally we probably wouldn’t let them pay us to take care of a loved one. Does that make sense?

For the above reason, I don’t see why we continuously ask celebrities to “speak out” on certain causes and issues all the time. I understand we do it for the fundraising or the awareness, but that stops working when said Celeb does something that the rest of humanity does but that we expect them not to. They are not Popes people.

Examples of Celeb Worship Gone Wrong:

  • Rihanna felt the need to come out and speak on the DV situation between her and Chris Brown. Like I said, I believe private lives should be private no matter who you are, but whatever. She said she knows that she’s a voice for young girls and she had to speak out so that someone in her position could get out. I applaud. However, the next week she’s in an interview in which she says if a girl doesn’t send her boyfriend naked pictures then she feels bad for him. Basically encouraging those young women she wants to save to participate in the same activities. Nevermind that they don’t have PR Teams, Lawyers, or millions in the bank should the same exposure happen to them. Now, I’m not saying a few fun pictures back and forth is a bad thing (plus no one cares about my opinion) but that’s child pornography for most of her fan base, and chances are higher that the pics will make their way around the school. Stop the worship.
  • Recently word got out that Pleasure P of the uber-famous boy group Pretty Ricky (/sarcasm) could quite possibly be a convicted child molester. Hmmmm. While I never found his music to be all that great (never heard his solo stuff, just Pretty Ricky’s) I could tell from his twitter following and myspace groupies that most of his fans are tiny-aged. So you have young boys bumping and grinding against pillows on youtube to homeboy and young girls frothing at the mouths and talking about Boyfriend #2. That’s a problem when you consider that this guy is probably really really sick and should be behind bars still. Worship…stop. Please.
  • Then you have the First Church of Tiger Woods (shout out to @SDotWalton) that is pretty much a cult full of strange people that don’t leave the house much. They have since disbanded because *gasp* Tiger did something that millions of people in the world do every day! While what he did was triflin’ I think for these crazies they may need to look at the bigger picture. #stopcelebrityworshipshrug

I could create a list that would span the entire equator of all the dumb things that celebrities do. Clearly that’s why this blog isn’t as popular as millions of others. I don’t particularly tackle celebrity gossip which is what the millions want to read. Last night Dwight Eubanks (sp?) from RHOA (a show I don’t watch) came into my job. I was bitched at for not knowing who that plastic looking man was. After being told who he was real proper like, I remember that I wrote a blog featuring him concerning Gay men who marry women and I wanted to laugh. Child Boo. Bye.

Here’s how it works, we let celebs stick to what they are good at (i.e. acting, singing, sports, WHATEVER) and we go about life without having to read their every dumb moment on Twitter, paying extra to get in the club just because they will be walking through it, and seeing their every downfall interrupt our favorite show that they happen to not be on. That’s all I’m saying.

If you or someone you know is addicted to celebrity gossip and their every move, there is help. Call 1-800-stopthemadness and we’ll get you or your friend locked away in a padded room for life. iKid!

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What if R. Kelly were found guilty?

r kelly

I wonder if people would still support him like they do now.  I was thinking about this because so many people still want Chris Brown’s head on a platter. I completely understand. We saw the evidence of what he did, and he made a plea deal in which he admitted guilt. I still stand by the fact that we don’t truly know what happened between them, but no matter what, he shouldn’t have beat that girl down like that. So I understand why people are not willing to forgive him, or at least allow him to have a career again. I’m not in his target audience so I honestly don’t make it a point to say “I’m going to boycott his music.”

What I don’t understand is why people have no problem supporting other artists that have committed abusive or sick crimes as well. I’m not completely sure if this is true, but supposedly Brian McKnight was arrested in 1997 for beating his wife. Don Cornelius was arrested LAST YEAR for domestic abuse. James Brown was arrested twice for domestic violence but the first time the charges were dropped when his wife refused to testify against him. Eminem and his wife were clearly abusive to each other, and he turns around and makes music about killing her. I rarely hear people talking about how they will never listen to a James Brown track again. BET has no problem allowing Eminem to perform on their stage, nor did they mind Don C. rambling all night on stage.

But the one that gets to me the most, the one that really grinds my gears…..R’uh Kelly. This man was on video peeing on a teenaged child and doing all sorts of Dirty McNastiness. At the age of 27 he married a 15 year old Aaliyah. I believe he has shown a pattern of liking them young, which makes him completely sick. There were other instances in which he was charged for having child pornography, however those charges were pretty much dropped on a technicality. I think this is what makes all the difference in people’s minds. I get it, the justice system works in that if someone is found innocent they should be treated as such. The reason Chris Brown=horrible is because from a legal standpoint he plead guilty. R. Kelly does not=horrible because he was found innocent in a court of law and so we can pretty much ignore/forget what happened. I get it. But COME ON. R. Kelly is a street-walking sicko, and his concert here in ATL sold out so fast they had to book another one. I was shocked to even see my friends who were so quick to line up for tickets. This man calls himself the PIED PIPER!

I cannot support this man! I’m not saying I support Chris Brown, but at least he plead guilty and did SOMETHING for his crimes. Granted he may have decided to take the “easier” route but what if Rihanna would have refused to testify against him? Like the James Brown case those charges might have been dropped and he would have walked away scott free. I have to at least give him a point more than R. Kelly for saying “hey, I was wrong.” R. Kelly may have been found innocent in the court system, but what about public opinion? We don’t have to jump through legal circles. I don’t understand how so many people can bash Chris Brown to the ends of the earth and not even give him a chance to rehabilitate himself, when you have a man that does sick things with teenaged girls who roams free, and they support him. I can’t even listen to his old hits without feeling like he’s talking about a 14 year old girl.

Seems Like You’re Ready:

It seems like you’re ready (seems like you’re ready).
Girl are you ready,
To go all the way?
It seems like you’re ready (seems like you’re ready).
Girl, are you ready,
To go all the way?

Never in my grown woman life has anyone questioned while in the throes of intimacy if I am ready to “go all the way.” However, I do recall that being a common phrase at one point in my life. High School.

Let me love you constantly.
Oh,oh, your body is my playground,
Let me lick you up and down,
Make you feel like a woman should.

You know John Mayer did it right. He said “your body is a wonderland.” I can deal with that way better than it being a freaking playground. And of course since I’m already convinced he’s talking about a child, his “make you feel like a woman should” I take completely out of context and assume that he’s trying to make a young girl feel grown.

I could go on for days on his lyrics. But I just want to know. If R. Kelly were found guilty of his heinous crimes, would people throw away his music and stop supporting him? Would they recognize him for what he is and write blogs/tweet about how he is the worst thing since black licorice? I wonder.

Replacing "It's not you, it's me."

breakup

Here at One Fourth Random, I’ve made plenty of calls to the general public to cease and desist on certain words due to them having officially jumped the shark of relevancy. I’ve called for the discontinued use of the word Swagger, as well as offered a list of suggestions to use instead. I’ve pleaded for the death of the word Hater when used in situations in which one is not hating, but simply disagreeing. Unfortunately those attempts were fruitless and these words are still being used ad nauseum today.

Well today I’d like to tackle the phrase “It’s not you, it’s me.” Last night I was taking a shower and my iTunes was on DJ (TMI much?). A random Chris Brown song that I’ve never heard before flooded my bathroom, and I had to stop and chuckle. The song is titled “Say Goodbye” and I’m guessing C. Breezy was trying to explain to a girl why he was leaving her (hey! no jokes! Ok, go ahead, in the comments section). He sings:

There’s never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
‘Cause if I don’t you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don’t feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it’s not you, it’s me
I kinda gotta figure out what I need

This got me to thinking how overused this phrase is. Clearly in the above scenario the girl must have done SOMETHING for C. Breezy to see if he could run it. What’s funny is that this has been mocked and made fun of all over the place yet people still use it. The whole point of saying this is to hopefully deflect any anger that may come your way when breaking up with someone. Newsflash: It doesn’t work.

“It’s not you baby, it’s me” doesn’t work because (I’m speaking in the general here):

  • The truth is it IS you, but one of the reasons we’re breaking up is because you never believe a word that I say. If I told you the truth, you’d call me a lie.
  • The truth is it IS you, but I can’t say that because I’m hoping that I’ll be able circle back for random sex later.
  • The truth is it IS you, but you have some serious emotional issues, and I just bought new tires.
  • The truth is it IS you, but by telling you that it’s me instead your mother won’t hate me and it’s likely she’ll keep me in her will. I’ve been dying for the coat she knows I like.
  • Once this phrase is uttered, things will spiral out of control and the one on the receiving end will go to the ends of the earth to uncover the truths that you are hiding. Is it really worth all of that?

This list could go on and on and on for days, but it breaks down to one simple point. Whenever someone tells you that “It’s not you, it’s me” call a flag on the play. They are really trying to play you, because 1) they know that this doesn’t work and 2) it’s really you.

So let’s think of some phrases that we can use instead of “It’s not you, it’s me.” When breaking up with someone and you wish to do so sensitively, choose from these phrases instead.

  • Listen babe, this time I mean it. It really isn’t you, it’s me. I just discovered I have one of the “forevers”. (Think about it.)
  • Hun, I’m just not ready to be committed. (Add to that) I just don’t think I look good in a straight jacket.
  • *When he/she is starting to look at you in pain as the lightbulb starts to go off just look uneasy and yell* I LOVE LAMP!
  • I want to be with you, but I just found out that I got drafted and I have to report to Antarctica tomorrow. But we should do it one last time for our country.
  • Listen, I’m gay. (If they are into that sort of thing, reiterate this.)
  • If you are gay: Listen, I’m straight.
  • If you are a guy tell her “I have a sexual addiction. I have been trying to hide it but I can’t. I need to have sex at least 4 times  a day. Can you accept me and love me and satisfy that?” (She will probably run.)
  • If you are a woman tell him. “I am allergic to sex. I only wish to do it when I’m trying to have a child. Good news is I do want lots of children!” (He will be off before you even get to the children part.)

These are all ways to basically say “It’s not you, it’s me” without having to actually say those stupid words. At least be creative and dress it up a bit.

What are some other phrases we can use to replace I.N.Y.I.M?



The Burning Bush

Everyone worries about getting burned. One of my favorite songs on the 88-Key’s album addresses this appropriately: Burning Bush. It’s a real problem out in the streets and you would think people would be more careful. But with the statistics out there staggeringly high it seems like every other person you pass in the street has something yet when the questions are asked, everyone seems to be squeaky clean. Granted there are plenty of diseases that are quiet and dormant and never give you reason to kick down the nearest clinic door, but that just means you need to be a good steward over your privates and get that check-up regularly.

So what would you do if you looked down and discovered that your most prized posessions are experiencing their own “I Am Legend” transformation?

Well if you are in a relationship, it all depends. If you have been good on your end then I’m sure the first thought to go through your mind is “Oh…. i’mma kill that fool!” (man or woman) If you might have slipped up a time or two it gets a little tricky. It’s almost like the girl who is pregnant and doesn’t know who the father is. Kinda hard to go on Maury and ask “Who gave me this STD?”  This is why I say constant check ups are enormously important. They give you Benchmarks. On May 20th you messed around with Random X. On August 15th you had a check-up and you were clean. You and the boo continued to do you and on October 14th you were burning. In this situation you can reasonably deduce the source of the itch. Getting a check up at least 2-3 months after a suspect affair should give you accurate results. Either way, how do you approach the giver of bad news? Coming at them like a wildwo(man) isn’t  going to save you from the rubber gloves.

So what if you realize that it’s you that’s out there giving people the “forevers”? How do you tell the people you’re involved with and more importantly the one you love? What if it was something you didn’t know you had. Like HPV or something. In that case, your current boyfriend could have given it to you but since he can’t be tested (or affected really) neither of you knew.

If your girl said she had something like HPV how would you respond considering it really doesn’t affect *YOU* but could affect any future women if she doesn’t have staying power. And it may have been YOUR fault. It is definitely one of those sleeper sneaky diseases and not even a condom can save her. They also say that 80% of all women will eventually get this. (I feel like that number is crazy high, but what do I know?)

Are you more lenient if the “problem” in question can be gone with a simple co-pay, some antibiotics, and a week without liquor? If you met someone who you really liked and they had the burning bush but they were upfront with you and even had solutions as to how to safely have sex with them would you go for it?

These are some serious questions from my random mind. Honestly, it was inspired by the old rumor that Chris Brown and RiRi got into it because he was blue over his wang being green. *shrugs* Who knows. But seriously, what would YOU do? Me? I hope to never find out. *straps on chastity belt and flies off*

The "One Major F-Up Pass In Life" for Chris Brown

Yesterday, as with most things that really don’t affect the world at large, the internet stood still for a second to log-on to the nearest work-allowed website to view the Chris Brown apology that he and his camp released. If by chance you were under a rock, more concerned with other worldly issues, or just couldn’t catch it, here it is:

As always, I feel like I have to disclaim because you i-goons be quick to get all angry and want to e-bang over nothing at all, including things that have nothing to do with you. LOL So I feel no pity for Chris Brown. While he is a victim, he is definitely not a victim in this case. He committed a horrid offense, and I am not apologetic for him or what he did. He does NOT get a celebrity pass, and I do not feel he is instantly redeemed.

With alladat said, I noticed that the overall response and twitter reaction was a bit….negative. People clowned him for using a teleprompter, people felt like he should have gone on Oprah, people felt like he wasn’t from the heart, and on and on and on! I think it’s strange our society’s desire to undercut even the best intentions. We are extremely difficult to please. Now I know on this blog, I’m always poking at something or calling out Beyonce, but several times I include the fact that I love her, and I do appreciate her hustle. Rarely am I just on some hater-type mess. Except for Sexy Spectacular. That was because I literally hated what he did. Like I can’t get those minutes of my life back.

Tangent. Sorry

With the Chris Brown situation, I kind of find it hard to jump on his back and attack him for apologizing. I mean think about that. The man APOLOGIZED. As far as I know, most people who have so much to say about what he SHOULD have done are not Publicists. They are not image consultants, and they also do not have direct knowledge of what really happened. I know more people who support R. Kelly, and bump his autobiographical nasty music still, and he has in no way shape or form issued any sort of apology, shown any type of humilty or anything concerning the situation. While he was found innocent, I believe many people would have appreciated some sign from him that he is aware that his actions were wrong. In the R’uh’s case, I’m sure he doesn’t believe that they were. At this point, Chris Brown as done way more than R. Kelly, Don C., and a host of other criminal record holders in the entertainment industry.

Here’s my thing, I believe we ALL can be afforded the “One Major F-Up Pass in Life”. I believe I’ve already used up mine. We are human and we are not above making mistakes. Even mistakes in which we should have “known better”. Chris Brown is a young man who he himself was a victim of domestic abuse (watching his mother be abused) who made an extremely wrong choice regarding his own ability to handle his anger. We’ve been over this before all over the blogosphere. At this point he has been handed his punishment, which many agree or disagree with (I feel it was moderately appropriate. Rihanna wasn’t pressing the issue, and he was a first time offender), and he has taken the time out to publicly apologize to the world. I don’t really see where we get off requiring more than that of him.

He read from a teleprompter. So what? This was a statement. One doesn’t have to stumble and stutter through something for it to be from the heart. Liars talk off the cuff all the time. I am sure that he felt it would be in his best interest to properly articulate all of his feelings. Often times speaking on sensitive subjects without prior preparation leads to forgetting some really important points. I believe with my whole heart that he was sincere. I feel that most people’s fears that he will get a pat on the back due to his celebrity is leading them to crucify him even more unjustly for the same reason. If it were your brother, or cousin, or son, or best friend you would more than likey give him a second chance and hope that society would too. Too many people expect this man to crawl into a hole and shrivel away until their unspecified time of punishment has been reached. When I ask people “okay, so at what point is America allowed to forgive him?” no one knows. They respond “I don’t know, but it needs to be SOMETHING.” To me… that’s no bueno. No dice. Impossible standards.

To Chris Brown I say, “Thank You for apologizing. While in reality, it’s none of our business, and you were given your punishment to pay and you have your own demons to work through, I appreciate the fact that you do recognize your charge in life and your need to be socially responsible with your fans. The public is what made you who you are and so I think it was a good move to take time out to address the public on your trangressions.”

To everyone else that has sooo much to say (myself included): Let us all hope that our mistakes don’t become major spectacles for the world to see and judge. Let’s remember that while we feel it is our right to get the answers and be in the business of our entertainers, it really isn’t.

With all of that said, I hope CB is getting the help that he needs, and I pray that we NEVER hear anything like this happening again from him.

Can I please blame it on the Alcohol?

During the weekend of the year set aside to remember our Soldiers, the internet came ablaze with the newest piece of complete F***ery. Probably the biggest I’ve seen this year. According to the title of the video.. a young gentleman of an irrelevant man band named Sexy Spec put out a video and issued a challenge. Before I get into it, let me just show it to you all.

The song is called Tipsy. It’s pretty bad, and it makes me wish I were drunk.

Ok… Seriously. Who really, I mean REALLY cares about Pretty Ricky? When this first started, I was hit with simple confusion. Who is this guy? What are the words that are coming out of his mouth? What is IN his mouth? I’m familiar with Pretty Ricky, being a FL girl and all, but I never got close enough to learn names, faces, or pretty much anything about them.

My heart started to beat faster.

This young gentleman is issuing a CHALLENGE to more widely known and appreciated R&B artists on the art/act of GRINDING. Yes! This guy would like to have a friendly competition on who can gyrate and grind their pelvises, while wearing panties, the best. There was no pause, and no *no homo*. While I do not condone the usage of those words, I have come to accept them as the straight man’s way of excusing his questionable behavior.

This guy wants to know who is the best. Not his sister, his mother, or the mother of his children that I’m sure he has with all that thrusting. HE wants to know. And in an attempt to show you he’s serious, he backs it up in his mother’s bathroom hallway or something in his RED GRANNY PANTIES (that’s what they are. Accept it.) and begins to convulse. I’m sure his smedium self thought he was really doing something, but what my bleeding eyes saw looked more like a seizure in slow motion.

Then as if that wasn’t enough the lyrics to this song make me sad for the young impressionable girls that clearly fall for this delusion of grandeur.

“All white linen and gucci loafers” ….. Doesn’t count dude when your loafers came in a box. Check to make sure Gucci even makes those before you take pictures in the club in them. Can totally tell where these guys are from. 🙂

“She said she cum 100 times looking at my poster” What? Who does this? POINT.THEM.OUT!

And then the rap piece at the end in which dude goes on a strange rant about B*tch A** and Hoe A** N*ggas and so forth and so on, really kind of ruins the already disgustingly nauseating mood. I honestly had to stop watching the video because I didn’t have any paper bags to breathe into to prevent me from passing out. I had it playing in the background and when dude started flipping out I was like WTHoly Hamhocks and Waffles Batman?

Everyone, please. Hide your young teenage daughters who are hoeing themselves on MySpace and probably salivating at this strange display of the Man-V.

I would really have to be DRUNK to think that this was hot/sexy/erotic/not gay, so Tipsy really wouldn’t do it. Blame it on the alcohol INDEED.

Here are some other things to blame for this complete clusterf*** of shame

  • Al Gore for inventing the internet
  • The FAMU Strikers for popularizing the freaking thrust
  • Miami for inventing “riding out”
  • The Color Red
  • Sarah Palin for failing to provide a perfect example of family values
  • The country of Taiwan
  • Martin for the episode about his reunion when he said “Pretty Rick what dey call me”
  • Polar Bears