New Year's No-No's

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Greetings everyone! As the New Year finds everyone in hopefully good health and high spirits there are several things that come with it. Everyone wants to start over as if the actual changing of the years erases prior ills and fails. Well I understand the mentality behind needing a definite point in time to get your life together, but let’s be a little honest with ourselves. If there are some changes you need to make in your life, and you know about them well enough in advance to plan on making them at some defined point in the future, you are doing yourself a disservice. Just go ahead and do what you need to do, and feel better faster.

I digress.

I decided to make a nice little list of things that I would be most happy if the masses could avoid doing publicly as the ball drops this year. I think it’s a step toward freedom for all mankind. It seems that as social networking picks up more speed and people live vicariously through their lives online, we are becoming more and more privy to thoughts that I’m sure we could all go without. So in an attempt to pump the breaks on senseless status updates and driving people up the wall, here’s a little list to hopefully guide your sharing this holiday season.

  1. Everyone adds people here and there on FB that perhaps we don’t like, don’t know, or grow to hate. It’s not necessary to announce on FB that you will be deleting people in 2010. This makes no sense. Do you expect people to stop and analyze their FB interactions with you to determine if they are on the chopping block? Ok…and then what? Do I now have 16 days to plead my case? LOL It’s not that serious. Just delete and move on.
  2. Same with Twitter, don’t need to hear that you are unfollowing people because you just don’t have room in your life for the nonsense. That in itself is nonsense and you should start moving more life furniture starting with *points finger* YOU.
  3. Unless you are speaking on your winterboo updates, no one needs to hear you lament about how you will end your single streak in 2010. Unless of course you are being totally honest about the things that make YOU an undateable person, and you are planning to change those things, 2010 will probably look like 2009, 2008, etc. So please, just go back to updating about what you had for lunch.
  4. We all have plans to lose weight every time the New Year rolls along. However, don’t flood the gym without knowing what you’re doing. These times the gym is super packed and everyone needs to be on point. Don’t be lazy and hog the ab machine. Also, don’t front like you’re trying, but in reality you just stand behind the treadmill machines stretching for an hour. FB Photos will tell your secret in 4 months.
  5. Success is an ongoing measure to reach for. Don’t start talking about how you are going to take a break and then get back in grind mode come 2010. As someone who loves a good accountability partner, and can be one for you if you like, I’m just going to slap you upside the head. Success never sleeps, so neither should you. Telling me that you’re going to chill, but you have big plans in 2010 tells me you aren’t hungry, and I like to eat, so get out of my way. 🙂

New Year’s Resolutions are for you and no one else. I’m all about the power of affirmations and I share my more broad affirmations that can be used by all, but we don’t need to hear/read your entire list of ways you are going to get your life together. Chances are you won’t finish the whole list, and then how will you feel knowing, that I know, that you know, and well…. you know.

That’s about it for now, I feel like this post comes off a bit more Crabby Sally than I intended, but it’s Monday, it’s early, and vacation starts on Friday. Do you have any other New Years No-No’s that you would like to add to the list? I considered doing a rants on the big Facebook F’ups I see on the daily, but that’s another post all together. Join in the fun!

🙂

The Evolution of Cheating

After having a pretty funny conversation with a girlfriend of mine (see… it CAN happen) she implored me to write about the evolution of cheating. So I started to think about how cheating has evolved and invite you to take this walk with me.

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I don’t want to go too far back because in certain time periods polygamy was common place. Let’s just take it back to the Frontier. You know back in the day before that guy invented the telephone I am sure that men had families over all parts of town. You see back then the women were back at the house, and only the man could do all the horse riding. So even if the wifey was cheating she still wasn’t the one being too mobile. Her sexy pool boy had to stop by while the Mr. was out on business. Either way, cheating in this time was extremely more successful (if you want to call it that) because of one major factor: Communication. Or better put, the lack of communication.

mexi32505-bwjpegDo you know how long it would take this dude to go through his chick’s Facebook account?

Back in the day the only way word traveled was by mouth. If your neighbor who’s house was 4 acres down the road happened to ride over to borrow some sugar, and caught your wife kicking it with the Butter Churner (or whatever. I may be getting my time periods all confused), he would probably forgo even telling you due to the time it would take him to ride his horse back to the house or to wherever you are. So people got away with it. The man of the house would be riding his willy wang all over town doing what he wants because really, who’s going to tell even if they did see him? It’s too much like work. The burden of proof is still there and you would more than likely just sound like a hater. Besides, I’m sure people back then were getting it in all over the place like a 70’s Swing Party for the reason alone. It was too easy.

Fast forward through time a bit and now people want to play telephone when it’s time to snitch and be nosy.

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At this point in the game, technology is starting to catch up. While the burden of proof is still an issue, techology is making it so that at least now people have something to argue about. Catching a cheater in those days still depended on a third party to play a role. Either someone’s snitching because they are second fiddle, or I have to call up one of my girls to verify that she SAW you at the Drive-In all hugged up with some TRAMP! Now TELLLLL ME WHOOOO SHE WAAAASSS [Craig]. (10 pts to whoever can tell me what that’s from) Cars are cool now and so maybe there’s a chance I can catch you at the diner sharing a Root Beer float and some fries with that cute light skinned girl with the Conk cause you KNOW her hair aint really like that.

Nowadays in order to cheat you have to be just about as CIA as the person you’re hiding from. Ahead of the game is an understatement. Like Diddy Tweets while having sex, you have to practically reset all your passwords and erase all emails in the middle of the dirty deed.

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To be honest with you I don’t know why people even THINK about cheating anymore. There’s technology out there that we don’t even know about. If you don’t get caught through your phone, it’ll be your email, a intentially well-worded wall post that your dumb ass didn’t delete, Twitter, or the stalker service Spokeo. To hide your dirty work it’s like you have to revert back to the old ways. Send smoke signals and letters by snail mail. Meet up in your car (no OnStar) and drive out to Lookout Pike, making sure there’s no satelite service out there so that Google doesn’t pick up your location. Seriously, how do people do it these days? I feel like there is no way to cheat and not get caught. (Rightly so with yo lyin’ self!)

The future of cheating I believe will be a lot like Minority Report.

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The minute someone even THINKS about cheating a whole force of people will swoop down and snatch they lyin’ behinds up. It’ll be like the show Cheaters only much more dramatic and creepy. I figure that either people will completely avoid being in relationships, or they will be the purest most sincere people you have ever seen. Which do you think?

I just think it’s funny. Infidelity has been going on since time started being recorded After Jesus, and probably before then too. People used to get chopped up over the accusation of cheating or forced to wear the ugly scarlet letter. If Maury and his DNA tests were around back in the days of huge Royal families, all sorts of hell and cabbage patch dancing would have broken loose.

In the days of our fast-paced technology my word of advice is to take it easy. Don’t do that dirt or it will catch back up to you. These days people don’t have to really dig for it. Facebook was made to tell all of the business, and Google aint much better either with their street views and location finder.

I aint sayin’, but I’m sayin’. Someone is ALWAYS watching you.

Facebook Rules of Engagement

I am one of those completely addicted, window always open, Blackberry mobile, over-users of Facebook. I left the slums of MySpace long before I even really got started. However, I believe that Facebook is truly the devil. It has our undivided attention, it does trickery with our minds and we continue to give in, it could quite possibly bring peace to the Middle East via the Causes application and several groups dedicated to the issue. When you think about it, Mark’s rise to the top was quite sudden and he may even be handsome. When he (or his team) blogs Facebook changes and updates, the world listens. When he makes a run at politics, I’m moving.  I think I’ve made my case. Facebook is truly the Devil.

Anyway, being that I know this, I use Facebook accordingly. There are several unspoken rules to using Facebook and they are broken almost as if they truly don’t exist. This makes sense considering that they actually don’t, and I’m making this up as I go. Granted, some people may feel differently about these rules as every Facebook page is different. I’m just saying, think about it. Take a second, back away from The Book, and consider your usage.

Facebook Rules of Engagement:

01) Do Not Tag Him/Her.

If you take a picture with a male/female friend of yours Do.Not.Tag.Them. Allow them to tag themselves if they wish to be recognized. Despite Stalkerbook’s Newsfeed delivering everyone’s every move every second, there is a good chance that your pictures will go unseen by the Dark Side should someone find a need to be jealous. Yes, we all know that you guys are just friends and you just happened to see each other in the club and snap a quick shot. But let’s be real. As soon as the S.O./Main/Side Chick or Dude/Person interested in Chick or Dude but hasn’t said it yet, sees these pictures they are going to flip. They will try to play it cool at first, but eventually they will start reading you guy’s Wall-To-Wall’s and looking going through all of their “Pictures of So and So” to try to count how many y’all took together. Just do the world a favor and avoid that drama for yourself. Let them deal with the crazies.

02) Chose your Wall words carefully.

Writing things like “Last night was fun….” or “Did you get my text?” or “*blushes*…… You are so crazy……” and other ambiguous things on another male/female’s wall is just wrong. The Bookerati is lurking and will see this and more than likely leave a dead cow head in your bed. Writing “Did you get my text” is pretty useless and seems like your are purposely trying to mark some territory. It would seem to follow logic that people are generally more connected to their phones than their FB accounts. Chances are, your text was received and promptly ignored because they were boo’ed up with the person that you are probably trying to piss off with your e-boldness.

03) Stop the Honesty Box business.

When Honesty Box first came out it was kinda fun. Men you would get all the flirty messages from girls about how hard they’ve been feeling you for the past XX months. And ladies, we would get the dirty, vivid thoughts of the men who only wish they had the chance. It was like a fun game of hide and go seek for Adults….and online. Then the “I think you are ugly” messages started coming and the “I hate your guts” secrets and it just wasn’t as fun anymore. Things really got nasty when the “He’s cheating on you” and the “she was at my house last night” message started to roll in. Most people have taken down their honesty boxes, but that doesn’t stop HB from finding you. I know I still get messages and while they’ve always been sweet it’s annoying. We’re too old to be secretly admiring people, and trying to find out our secret sexual desires. Let’s do better. Leave the honesty box alone.

04) Stop the application invites.

We are not in high school. I do not want a tube of e-lipstick from you, I do not want to join your e-cause, I do not want to know what my big toe says about me. Stop it.

05) Be smart about your FB usage.

I know we get excited and document EVERYTHING and want to share it with the world (or not, Rihanna), but let’s be smart. Unless you lock down your FB friend’s list to only include those people you would trust to share your life with, keep it basic. You never know who is looking. Getting arrested, fired, killed because of Facebook is the ultimate in Darwinism. Oh and please stop with the FB depression. If you are going through some things, we understand. Reach out. But if every one of your status updates in the past 4 months has been a cry for help, I’m either going to call in the suicide e-watch crew, or assume you’re crying wolf. Either way, send PM’s if you need shoulders to lean on. Convincing the e-world that you are crazy will surely not make your life better.

06) Take it easy.

Look, at the end of the day, it’s just Facebook. Stop stalking, stop caring, and stop letting it control your life. I use FB mostly as a way to push this blog, and launch my mini e-modeling career like those chicks on MySpace (I kid). I hear the wild and crazy stories about the FB breakups and makeups. I’ve been told someone couldn’t be my friend anymore because of a picture I tagged them to that was innocent. I’ve had girls threaten to fight me in my HB over a dude that I barely shook hands with. Those of you who know me, know that JG* does not fight. At all.

These are some rather basic thoughts I had regarding FB usage. I’m sure there are plenty more. Please feel free to co-sign and add to the list. I have another list of Internet Rules. But that’s for another day.

How many wrongs can make it right?

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We all know the story. Two people are in a relationship, one person starts to suspect things aren’t right. New panties/whitey tighties in the mix, all of a sudden he wears cologne, she does her hair just to go to the grocery store. Something is afoot. Here lies the fork in the road. According to the law of the land one is innocent until proven guilty. So then the major piece to the puzzle is the burden of proof. Here comes the invasion of the all too precious privacy.

These days there is either too much or too little privacy. Everyone has a cell phone, two or three email addresses, a Facebook page, a defunt MySpace page, a Twitter account (for those of us who are awesome), and a million other things that could bring about World War III and the return of Jesus. So I guess we could say we diversify our privacy. The dirt that we do on one social media outlet may not be what we do on another. I just wish more people would diversify their passwords so that all of the worlds do not collide.

Either way, here is a breakdown of how this sad story goes.

Person A: Baby/Hunny/Sweetie/Snuffles/Hoe things haven’t been right between us lately. There isn’t someone else is there?

Person B: What are you talking about? *thinks to self: remember to cover tracks* I love you. ONLY you. *Cue Baby Boy scenes. The entire movie hell*

Person A: Yea* I know that. But So and So swore that they saw you at Lenox with someone else.

Person B: You know I don’t shop at Lenox. It wasn’t me. Why are you pressing me? You have nothing to prove I’m doing anything. I told you. I love you.

Person A: You’re right. *thinks to self: start looking for proof*

Sometimes I guess it just isn’t enough to wait for all that is done in the dark to come to the light. Curiosity kills the cat every time. There is an old saying “If you go looking for it, you will find it.” So that’s what happens. Person A goes looking through the phone(s) and the email accounts. They use the same password to get into all of your social networking sites. For as much as we want our privacy, we tend to be real loose when it comes to leaving the laptop unlocked, the Facebook logged in, and the Gmail page still up. Well like the prophesy says, they’ve looked and they’ve found. Now what?

Initial logic tells Person A to go and curse Person B the hell out. Then however, like the true warrior they are, reality sets in and they realize that their attack will be futile as they will not be able to divulge the source of this newfound proof without admitting to espionage. What to do what to do. The minute they admit to this the fight becomes level and ground is lost. You invaded my privacy. You’re cheating.

In this case the two wrongs do not make a right. They cancel each other and instead we’re left with a big ass now what? I think it’s simpler than we make it out to be. Clearly one person doesn’t trust the other or else they wouldn’t have gone through their things. Now Person B doesn’t trust Person A because they realize they are dating a member of the CIA. Additionally one person doesn’t love/respect the other or else they wouldn’t be out doing the dirt.

I think when we say “When you look you find” we are coming from the angle that one is only looking because they suspect something. I would hope that people don’t make the habit of randomly Spying on their mate just because. In that case there is something deeper going on and Lord Have Mercy on that relationship because someone is crazy. I’m sure there are many people out there who are being spied on but will never know because THEY are good people. There’s no fight as long as the record is clean. Too bad the same can’t be said for their spying partner.

In my opinion, it’s not worth it. If you have strong suspicions then you need to confront the person you are dealing with and if you still don’t believe them then end it. Obviously there is a lack of trust and obviously you are not happy. I know this is much harder said than done. Trust me I know. But finding that proof doesn’t make life any better. I opens up many more cans of worms and let’s be real, that’s never fun. Also, notice I wasn’t gender specific here. Women take the brunt of this beating as we are often better than even the best spies and we are quick and efficient when it comes to sneakery. But men y’all do it too. Don’t think we don’t notice when a message we didn’t read has been read (only men would forget to go back and click “Mark as Unread”), don’t think we don’t notice when you’ve scrolled on my Blackberry (I know what screen I left it on). We also notice all those slick comments on things you couldn’t have heard anywhere else. Men if you’re going to spy, step your game up.

To be fair, in my younger days, I can count that I’ve committed two counts of espionage. I have since retired from the Agency and I only go back to mentor the new kids on the block to leave that life behind. It’s not cool, it’s a waste of time, and it will end badly. Trust me.

Your thoughts?