My Take on Gym Etiquette

So you know that JG* Runs The City and all, and I’m actually preparing for another 5k here shortly, but it aint easy! One thing I was not naturally gifted with (other than boobs) is athletic ability. It does not come natural to me to get up an run 3 miles in 18 minutes. I am not able to do the 300 workout without collapsing a lung or dying in general. However, I am all about staying a size 4 and being fit. My people die too early for a host of reasons, but health is a major issue. I long ago gave up dining on the swine and for the most part I avoid red meat. Only occasionally when I’m backed into a corner can I be forced to eat a non-turkey burger or some oxtails (salivating). Either way, with all that said, I kinda managed to let myself creep up into the size 6’s. Now there is nothing wrong with that. I’m actually very proud of my backside and most people that know me well know that I’m always quick to point out my lower body thickness that I’ve acquired. At the same time however, my midsection is still growing at a faster rate than my booty. I have to step in.

I recently got a membership to L.A. Fitness. This is my first real gym membership and I’m so excited. I feel super cool going into the gym and handing them my key fob and feeling all…. Gym-like. The gym I go to is a pretty popular one, but not particularly club-like. But more like these people are super focused and about their fitness. If I were to count the number of people walking around without necks due to extreme muscle bulge I would run out of fingers. I’m all about Baby Steps and avoiding steroids.

Moving along, I found a great Twitter-friend to be my gym partner and she’s great! You should follow @FoolProofDiva on twitter because thanks to her I have someone to hold me accountable and talk to in the gym. Yesterday after a few random encounters in the gym she said to me, “You should blog about the gym tomorrow” and just like that the lightbulb went off. Let’s talk about gym etiquette shall we?

The Rules of the Gym as I see it.

  1. If you see me standing at a machine, preparing to use it, please refrain from asking “are you going to use this?” Why…. yes I am. You and your big over-muscled flunkie need to back up off me and go do pushups off each other’s backs or something. You see me standing here waiting on the previous user to clean it, stop trying to intimidate me. I would tell you to take the air up out ya chest, but I can tell that all of the creatine you’ve ingested will not allow for that.
  2. You are not Venus nor Serena and this is not Wimbledon. All of that grunting is getting to be a bit much. I understand that upon exertion of extreme force, it often helps to let out an audible sound. I get it. However, excuse me sir, can you please pass me that 10 lbs weight that you are curling, and stop all that screaming. I swear, the free-weight section of the gym sounds like Eyes Wide Shut gone wrong. All kinds of moaning, grunting, and screaming. If I closed my eyes, I could quite easily imagine something far worse going on.
  3. Please be kind. It’s packed like all hell in here. There’s a sign that says when there’s a wait for the treadmills, bikes, ellipticals, etc. there’s a 20 minute time limit. Yes, this means YOU too. Twenty minutes is ample enough time to get in, get your cardio, and hit the weights. If you are that person that needs to run 17 miles, I suggest you run around Piedmont park, or around a track. Additionally, you can try coming during off-peak hours instead of trying to flaunt your abilty to go 10 mph. Speaking of which, you may want to slow down. Let a shoe string unravel and you’re eating the ground. And I will laugh. Oh yes, I’ll laugh, twitpic you, and make your video viral on youtube.
  4. Continuing off the last point, GET OFF THE MACHINE! You see us standing here waiting to do some squats. There is a thing called “Working In” and perhaps you should try it. Let me tell you how it works. You do a set, GET OFF, then I do a set. We go back and forth like that until either one of use has completed our number of sets. It’s quite simple and allows for appropriate breaks. Stop hogging the machine or I’m going to go Ape on your ass! You know I’m all in the gym, jacked up on Gatorade G and feeling all angry and crazy due to all the grunting! Don’t try me!
  5. When you are done CLEAN OFF THE EQUIPMENT. Seriously, all your body juice is all over the place. I know that when I leave, I will take a nice long shower with scalding hot water, antibacterial soap, and a harsh loofa, but that’s just to get my own stank up off me. I do not want to have to boil myself longer to get yours and the entire gym’s stank off me. Even if it doesn’t matter, just do it to be polite.
  6. Wear appropriate clothing. I know that there’s a big window in front of the gym, and the temptation to show off your goodies is strong, but let’s be serious! No want wants to see your Manjangles while you are on the “Yes/No” machine. Ladies I do not wish to be able to see what kind of wax you get while doing the hanging leg lifts. I know you are in the gym to get that dime piece body, but you AINT THERE YET. Cover up some of them rolls. Don’t squeeze into a smedium shirt when you are clearly XXL (no mag).

Okay, I just had a protein shot and I’m calming down for a second. Anyone else got some good gym rules?

P.S. here’s a shot of last night as we were leaving.

LAFit

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JG*’s back in the gym!

New Vlog for you guys!

Y’all know I was getting my cardio in the Church last week, so my actually gym participation was down a little bit. But I’m back, and I’m sharing! Like always, nevermind the hair. THIS IS HARD WORK! THIS IS A STRUGGLE! No time for cuteness! LOL Even though I did put a little lip gloss on. 🙂

Enjoy! Work hard!

JG*

Alone (kinda) at the gym

“He who shall not be named” gave me a workout to do when we weren’t running. It isn’t so bad, but I did do a video blog of my evening alone in the gym. Couple of points I’d like to note from the video. 

1) When I first go to the gym, it was empty. Perfect

2) Later, a random lady came in to talk about Barack and how things have changed. Talking Politics makes me nervous with strangers. 

3) The loud T.V. show in the background is in fact “All of Us” 

4) My ability to edit and combine two different videos, is horrible at best. 🙂

 

Enjoy. 

 

 

JG*