The Pre-Nup: I'm not signing it.

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Now listen carefully. I’m speaking on us everyday people. If you are on the Mutli-millionaire level or you have a multi-million inheritance waiting, I will ask you to not pay attention to this. Only because in the case of inheritance you are protecting your family’s assets, and additionally, you will never ever agree with me anyway. Might as well pick our battles.

I’ll preface this with saying I’m not married, nor have I ever been. I was seriously engaged once and a pre-nup was never spoken. At the time, he would have had much more to lose. So please know this is my opinion and nothing else. Continuing on…

I’m pretty against pre-nups and I will thoroughly explain to you why. It’s just a “me” thing, so don’t feel like you have to agree or like you should look at it this way as well. Those of you that know me, like truly know me, know that marriage means the world to me. I’ve seen marriage from both extremes. My mother AND father are both in their fourth and final marriages. They seem to have finally found “the one”. My step-father is like my bonus father and he’s awesome, I wouldn’t trade him for the world. Also, my Gran was married to my Papa for over 20 years until he died young from cancer. Through them I saw a love that even as a young child moved me deeply. Even when they fought I swear he was just teasing her. After he died my Gran let him go, but still kept him close and active in her heart. That is love. I have a strong desire to not be a statistic in this area, and I see marriage as a spiritual connection and one that centers around the concept of family. I do not wish to get married to achieve a certain status in life, to be “upgraded”, or to be bound together superficially. So with that said, let me break down to you why you will not catch me signing a pre-nup.

First off, these days everyone feels like they have a whole lot of something. You have men running around screaming about how pre-nups are required and as it stands they don’t have anything that anyone would want to begin with. You have a job? Well you’re supposed to. You have a car? Logic strikes again! People running around worried about protecting what? Your debt? That’s okay love, I do not want to share your student loans. At the same time, this generation is so full of people stunting and “flossing” (do we still use this word?) that it begs the question why? Well, because people want to feel important. They want you to want what they have, but don’t actually want to share! Oh no! It’s a form of courting these days. Spend big money, the ladies will love you. It’s a cycle of thirstiness. The Dream on “Fancy” talks about buying his girl anything she wants and flying her all around the world. Of course he’d want a pre-nup, he already knows the monster he created, but I’m sure would not be willing to share should things go south.

In my opinion it is the go-to lifeline. Well the marriage doesn’t seem to be working out like you hoped it would, but thank goodness you got that pre-nup! This way you get to keep all your stuff. Just dump them and keep it moving! I believe that without this form of self-preservation people are more willing to look at options they hadn’t considered yet before giving in to dissolving their marriage. What does it say about trust and discernment?

For me personally, I would like to think the person I marry will trust me. I know I will certainly not marry someone I don’t trust with everything. Also, they will know me and know that at the end of the day I do not care about the money. With that being said, they should trust me enough to know that should our marriage get to a point beyond repair, I will not “take them to the cleaners” just as I would trust them not to do to me. One lesson my mother taught be by both example and by her words was that it’s not worth going through all of that. Leave with what you came with. All she asked was that I was taken care of, and I was. If you do not trust that I would not try to go after your family’s assets, or take more than I deserved, then we probably shouldn’t get married.

The issue of “what do you think you deserve?” also comes up. I don’t look at marriage as a business but if I did, it would be a partnership. Everyone plays a role in making it successful. If by family decision it is decided that one person would forfeit working to take care of the home and children, then that becomes their career. This allows the family to work to reach their goals. Whether it is the mother of the father that stays home, just because one’s actions does not directly bring in income does not mean they are not working. Again, I said this is the case that the Family decides to take this plan of action. Should the breadwinner for some faulty reason decide that they wish to end the marriage, I can see why the spouse that played their part would wish to seek part of the assets that they helped to create. No they were not in the boardroom with you, but if your goal was to have a successful FAMILY, then they made it so that you could be in the boardroom and also have that at the same time. Once again, using myself as an example, I know that if it was decided that I will stay home and look after the children, I wouldn’t be able to sit on my hands and cook and clean all day. I’m Type-A so that wouldn’t work. I’d be heavily involved in my community and more than likely running a business from home. I’d like to believe that I would not be completely on my backside in that situation. I guess despite it all, self-preservation is always in some part of the mind.

It is sadly amazing how quickly people freak out when it comes to money. I’m the type that if it came down to a divorce and I put in all the work that I could in my marriage, and he doesn’t want to share the empire that we both built, I would simply walk away. I will not ask, and I sure as heck won’t beg. You will not try to tear me down over something so temporary. I also think it’s funny that these people running around waving pre-nups prematurely are almost always men in that most men feel like they are the ones that will need to protect their net worth. Well these days with the gaps in education, and women on the rise in business, it may not actually go that way. How would you men feel then? You’re living life high on the hog, the marriage fails and you’re the one left with nothing. Just treat others how you wish to be treated.

In the end though I think just as marriage should be about the family, so should a divorce if it were to come to that. Just take care of the kids. If the two adults can’t be mature about things, that is not the fault of the children. Those on the “losing” end (man or woman), stop being so bitter and vindictive. If they don’t want to share, they didn’t value your contribution anyway, and you are better off without them and their materials. I suppose it really takes a self-reflective look inside in these situations. Not everyone has an “I don’t care about the money” attitude. That’s too bad too. Instead of worrying about contracts and lawyers, be more concerned with marrying the person that’s a true fit for you and for your family. Be that person for your spouse as well. Be as focused on maintaining your marriage in a healthy and happy way as you are on building your wealth.

Now I realize that I may fall in love with someone and then wish to get married and they hit me with the prenup. I’m positive this would have come up while dating so I’m not too concerned. If he truly loved me I hope he wouldn’t ask. As I would truly love him, I am not sure how I would feel if he did. It would be damaging to my spirit, but I don’t know. Guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. 🙂

But hey! I understand that this is a lovely way to look at things, and it doesn’t always end this way. But who am I without hope? I don’t ever want to know.

Not trying to change minds here people. So don’t think you can change mine. 😉 *evil laugh*

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If you had to choose, The House or The Ring?

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I’m going to steal this scenario from my email group and pose the question to my readers. I hope they don’t mind me sharing.

Ok, ladies here’s something to ponder on throughout your day or even
have a good conversation with your man. Here’s the scenario: Lets say
you and boyfriend have been together for some time now and the both of
you are ready to make that forever, ever, ever commitment “Marriage.”
You guys feel comfortable about talking about marriage, house, and
kids the whole 9 yards. This man has declared his love to you and only
wants you. He has asked your dad for your hand and of course your mom
loves him. You and him have gone out and seen several houses. He has
taken you to see rings to get a good vibe on what you like and don’t
like about rings and he knows his 5C’s or 6 or whatever. So, he has
all the info he needs to pop the big question.

So, the day finally comes and he takes you to the house that you would
really love to have and live in happily ever after. Now remember you
have no idea what he is abt to do. All you know is that you’re there
to look at the house one more time. Ok, just before you guys leave the
house your now standing at the front door and he decides to get down
on one knee and pop theeeeee question!!! But instead of the norm he
says, “With this house will u marry me?”!!! Meaning he is using the
house as the ring and not a diamond. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO ENGAGEMENT RING!!!
JUST THE BIG RING AT THE ATLAR!!!! What would u say??? Does it matter?
What are your thoughts???

When I read this my mind instantly jumped at the most obvious answer for me. OF COURSE I’D TAKE THE HOUSE! matter of fact I would run circles around it naked at the pure joy that I’s gettin’ married and I’s got a Hawse (House for you non-Ricky Ross fans)! I mean how beautiful is that! But when I really thought about it, it’s not really a matter of either/or. If a gentleman can afford to purchase a home, he can more than likely afford to buy a ring. However, it is more a matter of principle. That’s what I’ll talk about.

To me this would be a sign that the man that is asking for my hand in marriage understands me. He knows that I’m more concerned with the foundations and building of our future than with the pageantry and symbols. Now don’t misunderstand me. I have no problem with rings or anything and of course if I were given a ring I’d cherish it just the same, however I think sometimes people get TOO caught up in something so small. So much goes into choosing a ring that it sometimes baffles me. Women drop hints and spend all day searching for cuts, clarity, carats, etc that they are barely thinking about the person they hope will be buying it. Men get themselves all in a tizzy and in debt to provide a symbol of their eternal love that might just end up down the kitchen sink or on another man’s nightstand. I’m just sayin. Likewise along with the ring is the big dramatic wedding. Now we know that women have spent their entire childhoods planning their fairy princess weddings and using their favorite celebrity at the time as a stand-in groom. No one is trying to undo the indoctrination there, but just giving something to consider. If you have 300 close friends and family, then by all means it makes perfect sense to spend a ridiculous amount of money to have that wedding that caters to them all. However, if on the other hand you have only a select few that you could imagine spending precious moments of your life with then it would seem a waste of money and a good time to allow friends and family to bully you into having a wedding that would rival the MTV VMA’s production. This happens quite a bit.

A bit of a personal story. I was once engaged to a really great guy. Problem was I was 19 in college, and he was a 30 year old officer in the military. He had his life together, and I was just starting mine. It began to feel all too rushed and not the right move. I called it off. No need to have him waiting on me to experience life. He gave me a gorgeous diamond that cost him 3 months salary and we were planning a wedding that we promised would not put us in debt. However, outside pressures were extreme and the next thing you know our guest list had swelled to include people we didn’t even know and the budget had swelled to match it. Honestly, it wouldn’t have been the best way to start off a happy life together. Looking back on it I was so worn down by the endless list of things that had to be done that had nothing to do with the bigger picture. I was supposed to be getting married to a fabulous guy. All of a sudden it was about who would give the best gifts, how to set up the tables, the right flowers, getting everyone fitted, blah blah blah. Additionally I’ve been to weddings where the Bride and Groom spent more time walking table to table, smiling and kissing babies, than they did smiling and loving each other. I decided that most weddings were for the guests, and I really wasn’t into that. Doesn’t really make sense for me to spend $20k for YOU to have a good time. I’d much prefer an intimate wedding with people that I know are genuinely happy for me, and we can all party together and have a good time. No need to be stuffy and stiff, it’s a celebration bitches! That’s would it would be.

No need to get like this chick. (Fast Forward in like 2 mins)

So clearly, that’s just my take on it. I would most definitely scale back on the more “superficial” if you will, aspects of getting married in favor of planting more solid foundations. Additionally, as I’ve come to more accurately understand the process of diamond mining and the atrocities that come with it, I honestly do not want a diamond. I will take a cute Cubic Zirconia from QVC any day. LOL If my future-husband felt that he absolutely needed to show my worth in a piece of jewelry I’d prefer it be in a way that did not include a diamond. Again, that’s just me.

There is nothing wrong with wanting it all, and if you can get it all go for it! If the huge wedding with all the bells and whistles is what you want, then THAT’S GREAT. Send me an invite and I’ll hit up your registry. But tell me readers, if you had to choose which would it be? Men, would you consider offering either or, or would it depends on the woman you were dealing with specifically?

What's Love Got To Do With It?

A friend and I were watching “Rapper Wives” on some random channel that I wouldn’t have dared turn to if he hadn’t have made me, and some very interesting topics were discussed that thankfully, led me to this post. There were several things that I could latch onto (like the stark differences between the show Rapper Wives and Baseball Wives), but the one that stood out the most to me was the marriage of Uncle Luke and his wife Kristen Thompson.

Kristen said that when she met Luke she thought he was the Uncle that we’ve all come to know and love. He tried to get at her, and she almost didn’t give him a chance. Almost. She eventually did, and lo and behold they now have a family! (Nothing new to Luke who already had 5 fives) Kristen is a pretty girl from South Florida, who graduated from Florida State University (Go Noles!), became a lawyer, and just all around has her $#!* together. My friend said to me “her ole goldiggin ass. She would not be with Luke if it weren’t for the money.”

*queue the WTF face*

I asked how he could make such a random assault on her character based off nothing alone. He claimed that he just “knew” and that no girl would want to be with Luke if it wasn’t for the money. He went on to say that if Luke didn’t have any money, she wouldn’t have looked twice at him. Funny think, out of his own mouth, Luke admitted that he really wasn’t rolling in the dough like that anymore and that the real money was long gone. He and his wife have been married a year, I’m sure she knew this prior to the nuptials and bearing the 6th child of his likeness.Who knows why she chose to marry Captain D**k (that could be why right there) but do we always have to jump and assume it was for the money? She was on her way to doing bad all by herself (no T. Perry) so does it have to instantly boil down to his pockets? Now I know there’s NOTHING on this earth to make me marry Uncle Luke, but that’s just me.

So that led me to dig a bit deeper into his mind that I was finding to be quite empty. If a woman marries a rich man, does that automatically mean that she doesn’t love him? Even if his success drew her into him does that take away from the fact that she may truly love and adore him? Notice I said success and not money. Perhaps, and I’m just theorizing here, it’s not so much the bottom line that is attractive. It could be more the fact that successful men have a drive and determination that sets them apart. It’s not too hard to believe that a man that has acquired wealth is more than likely a hard worker.

Not that it really matters, but for the sake of discussion, how would a woman be able to avoid being labeled if she fell in love with a man of wealth? Perhaps it does matter when dealing with family. For instance, my friend has a daughter. How would he feel if she fell in love with a man who was rich, but his family just swore up and down she just wanted the money? I’m sure he’d be quick to defend her honor then. So is this a common thought or do I just have a slow friend? Are all women who marry rich men instantly labeled inappropriately? What about men who marry rich women?

I swear I’m done with all this men/women stuff, lol but it just keeps flying my way! Random indeed.

Thoughts?

Guest Post: Dear Babe….

***Continuing on with my Guest Blog Posts of Love this week I present to you Ash Bunnie. Ash is a 22 year old wife and mother of a Future President. She was born and raised in Queens, NY which means she’s one hell of a chick. She’s funny, witty, and you can also catch her on her site Ash Bunnie*. From her own mouth she, “blogs for fun and therapy, loves life, and loves MY blog” (awww thanks girl!). Please check out this BEAUTIFUL blog that she wrote for me to post. It is an open letter to her husband. (I love this!)***

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Dear Babe,

When I met you in the hallways of West Side High, I never thought that we’d be here 7 years later, raising a beautiful mini-us. I’ll never forget the first thing you said to me: “Not to be rude or anything, you have a big a** head”. I was shocked and appalled but yet intrigued. Intrigued – because here you are some random stranger – telling me in all of my chocolate teenage glory that I have a big head. It was then I knew that we’d be one hell of a combo. Although I am only 22, I know that you will be the person I will remain married to until I die – or for the next 82 years, 38 days, 5 hours, & 32 minutes whichever comes first. With that said, here are the key things that I love about you.

You are one cocky bastard – You are arrogant. When you walk, your two-step just oozes arrogance. When you speak, people hear you and stop to listen. When you get dressed, you take a million hours just to leave the mirror because you have to make sure you are looking fresh. Yet, you have this ability to walk into a room, even when your anti-social switch is on high, and be the center of attention. When people ask you things, the way you respond is like “yeah I know I’m right. No need to question it”. I love this about you because when I’m having one of my unwarranted emo days, you have enough confidence for the both of us.

You are one hell of a hopeless romantic – I never thought someone as tough and cocky as you would ever be so sweet. You get what I need before I need it. You get me what I want before I even know I want it. When we have date night, you go out of your way to make it uber-special. When I was pregnant, I never knew a day when I didn’t have my snacks ready for me before I woke up. When Tyler was born, you brought me roses and skittles every day until I beat that little bought of post-partum depression. I love the good morning texts, the midday calls, the afternoon lunches you randomly bring to me. I love it all.

You are me & I am you – We spend so much time together, that sometimes I don’t know when my thoughts end and when yours begin.  I find myself around my friends saying things and they look at me like I’m speaking German. We have our secret language that no one but you and I will ever be able to decipher. It’s to the point where when we argue, we both burst out laughing because I am trying to be rude like you and you’re trying to be calm like me. For the most part we haven’t had an argument that we didn’t get over. I love how at the end of it all, when I feel like no one else gets me, I can come home to you and you’ll get me before I even have to tell you anything.

Your drive gives me hella inspiration – You are so focused. According to the zodiac, I am the laziest of the bunch (Taurus) & you are someone always looking to get into something because you can’t be bored (Aquarius). You are up early in the morning being productive. You are the first one to snatch up some overtime. You put in extra hours in the studio learning how to mix down your own songs long after the engineer left. You come home at 3 AM, and are up again at 5:30 AM to begin it all over again. You inspire me to be the better me. I love this.

For all of these reasons and more, I love you whole heartedly. I love you unconditionally. I love you with every ounce of fiber in my body. Thank you for loving me the same.

Always yours,
Bighead

“Holla at a playa when you see me in the streets like woooooooooo” (insider).

Guest Post: You're all that I need

**** Recently I put out a call to all my bloggers to give me some good stuff about the great sides to being in a relationship and they all showed up! I’m so very excited! If you want to write something, hit me up and we’ll get you on here! Today’s blog comes from a dear efriend of mine Jamaal who is married and from what I can tell loving it! He and his wive recently had a BEAUTIFUL baby girl and I am wishing them the best! You can check out his wonderful musings at his own blog Soul of a Champion.****

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Most people have love songs written by great artists like Luther Vandross, Anita Baker and the like that could describe how they feel about their significant other. Me, I’ve got Method Man. Now, I know that some people might be like WTF Method Man got to do with how you love your wife?

Let me explain.

Back in 1995, Method Man and Mary J. Blige came out with a remake to a song called “Your All I Need.” The beat and chorus were sampled from Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell who originally released the song back in 1968. In the first verse of the song Meth opens up with:

“Shorty I’m there for you anytime you need me
For real girl, it’s me in your world, believe me
Nuttin make a man feel better than a woman
Queen with a crown that be down for whatever
There are few things that’s forever, my lady
We can make war or make babies
Back when I was nothin
You made a brother feel like he was somethin
That’s why I’m with you to this day boo no frontin
Even when the skies were gray
You would rub me on my back and say “Baby it’ll be okay”
Now that’s real to a brother like me baby
Never ever give my cootie away and keep it tight aight
And I’ma walk these dogs so we can live
In a fat ass crib with thousands of kids
Word life you don’t need a ring to be my wife
Just be there for me and I’ma make sure we
Be livin in the effin lap of luxury
I’m realizing that you didn’t have to fuck wit me
But you did, now I’m going all out kid
And I got mad love to give, you my nigga”

In my opinion, this shit right here could have been my wedding vows (if the preacher, and all of our family hadn’t traveled to get there). The reason being, Method Man came genuine and in all honestly, a translation of this into plain English could be one of the best love letters ever written.

Take note.

Baby,

Whenever you need me I promise to be there. I’m only a fly on the wall in the world of your wonderful existence. There’s nothing that equates to the feeling that I have when I’m with you. You’re the Queen to my crown and still down for whatever. In life, there are few things that are forever. Sometimes it seems that the two societal extremes we have are that we can either argue all the time or have a bunch of kids. But, I love you because when I was nothing, you supported me; and for that I’ve remained loyal til this day.  Even when things weren’t looking too good, you’d rub me on my back and say “Baby, it’ll be ok.” To me that’s what separates the genuineness in you from the weakheartedness of others. You’ve remained loyal to me and continually provided me with good love. So, from here on out, I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure you have all that you desire. Even though we’ve been together for 6 years (married 5), I’d be with you faithful still because you’ve supported me so much; even if we had never gotten married.  And if you continue to support me, I’ll make sure we’ll have all the riches and luxuries we’ve dreamed of and spent so many nights talking about. When I asked you to be with me, I realize you were about to graduate college and move to Chicago, thank you for taking a chance on me. And because you did, I’m going to give this all I’ve got because I love you with all my heart.

You my nigga,
Jamaal

In my opinion, that’s the good side of a relationship. We hear a lot about “Why Men Cheat,” Why Women Cheat,” “Why Are Men Dogs?,” “Why he always wanna do it from the back? Don’t he wanna look at me?”etc. But we hardly ever hear about a love that’s endearing, rewarding, and healthy. Luckily, my relationship with my wife is all of those things. The translated letter above is honestly how I feel. My wife was with me when I lived in a dorm. She stood by me in the early years of our marriage when we maybe had $20 left over at the end of the month. She was with me when we signed the closing papers on our house and she was also there when we purchased our second car. She has been with me through struggles, tragedies, and triumphs. We’ve got goals to accomplish and milestones to achieve together.

Because she’s been so supportive of me, I’ve made her dreams my dreams. Over the years I’ve wanted her successes sometimes more than my own. Everyday aint rosy, trust me, but with us I don’t think there’s ever a day the sun doesnt shine.

Jamaal

When Cheating Goes Wrong. Real Wrong.

****Sorry about last week and only posting twice. I didn’t even let y’all know I was on vacation. Well I was and it was the best. I hit up the DMV/NYC/B-more. I’m still pretty tired, lethargic, and now I’m sick. So pardon me if my ranting below is not up to par. I’ll get it back together this week. Hit me on FB to see the pics of the JG* Summer World Tour (FB Link to the right of the page)****

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Now I am not one to speak ill of the dead (a concept I wish more people would learn and understand) so I don’t want to make this specific to Steve McNair, but I would like to use his unfortunate demise as a topic of discussion. Let me start by saying I am terribly sorry for the loss that his wife and children have suffered and I hope that she finds peace.

Moving on, many people have been talking about the audacity of the situation Mr. McNair was in prior to his death. He had a beautiful wife and 4 loving sons at home, yet he decided to cheat on them with a 20 year old woman who according to the picture I’ve seen, was really no match. Not only did he step out with this young woman he also bought her an Escalade and a Condo. The worst of the worst kind of cheating. I can’t imagine what this 20 y/o was doing to make him step out like THAT. Some have guessed that it was due to some kinda of blackmail, but of course there is no basis for thinking this so who really knows. I can’t imagine that he would be that afraid of his wife that he would drive himself deeper into a trap that I’m sure he was well aware could end up ugly in the end. I am sure that these types of women at that level of crazy show some signs of it beforehand.

The Gov. of SC is another one. You are flying around the world on taxpayers money all to get some on the side, nevermind your marriage. In a time when we’re busy fighting about the “sanctity” of marriage, our politicians are quick to destroy it. Now he’s ruined his career (it sickens me that all of a sudden, Repubs are saying that we he does in his bedroom has no bearing on his job. Bill Clinton anyone?) and his family is suffering all because he just had to take it there.

So with that said, does cheating ever really work out? I can’t really bring myself to believe that it does. We talk about cheating quite a bit on the blogosphere because it’s an issue that is so relevant. I know over at The FreshXpress we have several blogs that answer “Why men cheat” “Why men cheat with women uglier than the one they have” “Why women cheat” etc. What we fail to really dig into is the consequences of such actions. After watching the movie “Obsessed” we also realized that you don’t even have to actually cheat for the consequences to be dire. While that’s a movie, Steve McNair’s situation was real life. Real life that happens all the time. Ever see the show “Snapped” on Lifetime? If you haven’t, I suggest any man thinking about cheating watch that first. It’s funny, because we have also talked about how women are more forgiving when her S.O. has cheated on her whereas men are far more quicker to hulk up and get people bodied. However “Snapped” and other real Lifetime situations would be proof to the contrary.

So knowing that women are naturally prone to emotion as it is, knowing that in a cheating situation you have to watch your back coming and going, really WHY DO YOU MEN STILL CHEAT? I say that you have to watch your back coming and going because it seems that when women are cheating, the man that she’s cheating with does not develop the same attachment. They see it for what it is. Quite the opposite in most cases concerning a man stepping out.

Is it really worth all of that? Again, I revisit the original question: When does cheating really work out? Ok, so you’re cheating and so far so good. However there always comes a point when you have to choose. Either the side chick is wanting more, or perhaps your wife is demanding more of your time. You are in a tug-of-war that will end up with you torn in half. Let’s say you leave your wife for the side chick, because she was just *that* awesome. Then you’re in a relationship with a woman that has already proven that she doesn’t value relationships and the next thing you know, the grass really wasn’t all that much greener. Let’s say you’re cheating solely for sexual reasons, your wife is awesome, and the side chick is really not sweating you all that hard. Sounds like a plan until your wife finds out due to a minor misstep on your part. That thing that you were doing just as a release has become your worst nightmare and you find yourself losing everything.

Is it really worth all of that?

I’m not talking about cheating in non-marital relationships because while that sucks it just speaks to the fact that you’re single until you jump the broom. I’m talking about cheating when the stakes are high, real high. I’ve seen this happen up close and personal, and I just don’t understand how it could be worth the consequences. Even if the marriage survives the adultery the soul of the relationship took a hard blow, and in some cases the marriage becomes the ghost of good times past.

They say what’s done in the dark always comes to the light. And it’s true. ALWAYS. It may take a while, but it will happen.

Let’s discuss!

Single Ladies, Put a ring on HIM?

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Necole Bitchie had a blog a while back about how Michael Jai White’s wife Courtney proposed to him because she was tired of waiting. Ms. Bitchie was simply putting it out there that maybe it is okay for women to propose considering that our men are acting as if they don’t want to. She also quoted a very important quote that I’ll share with you over here.

“A stunned White beamed a Kool-Aid smile and responded affirmatively. “I was pleasantly shocked and didn’t feel emasculated at all, ” admits White. ”I immediately said ‘yes’ because I knew that I was going to spend the rest of my life with her whether we got married or not.”

Now, here’s where I get started. Well before I get into that quote, let me just say my piece on the topic. I for one, will not be proposing to no man, no time soon. Call me a traditionalist, call me conservative, call me Susan, I don’t care (Sorry Whitney). I just have very solid ideas for how relationships and marriage should work, and I hope to see those things through for myself. I honestly don’t feel as though my *hang-ups* regarding not proposing to a man will end up in me being single for life. In this day and age it seems like the lines are getting reeeeeaaaaaal blurry when it comes to who is the woman and who is the man. I believe in equal pay for women, and women’s rights and such, but (and maybe it’s my religious beliefs) I do believe that there are certain roles we play in relationships that allow things to work cohesively. No matter who makes the most money in my household the man will be the man and I will be the woman. That means he can act as provider, he can fix stuff, and I can be the nurturer and I can run the family. Doing these things doesn’t take away from my independence, my ability to also have a job or anything else (see: Michelle Obama, Claire Huxtable (but not the porn version!Nooo!)), or even not allow us to occasionally do things in the other’s role. This meaning, he cooks, or I mow the lawn. With that being said, AINT NO WAY, I’m going to let a man think he can be with me for the rest of my life with or without a spiritual commitment. The Bible says (here I go) “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing.” Not.. “She who finds a husband has found a good thing too.” I give props to Mrs. White (or is he Mr. Chatman?) for stepping to the plate and “putting a ring on it.” It just wouldn’t be me.

His above quote shows just how willing he was to keep her waiting for that special day. Was he planning on having children with her? While many feel like marriage is not a requirement for having children, I for one don’t plan on putting the cart before the horse. Things happen, true, but I don’t want to plan on it. In her situation she had only been dating him for a year. To her that may have been too long, and the pressure to get married may have been strong. I don’t think that’s too long to date before getting married so I know I wouldn’t have been feeling the itch too bad. However, to me, if its been years and he’s not asking I wouldn’t feel like marriage is something he wanted and proposing to him instead would be the last thing on my mind.

I really do wish the best for Mrs. & Mr. Chatman(white?) because no matter how they got there I love to see beautiful married couples. I just can’t wrap my mind around how I could possibly feel comfortable or good knowing that I had to ask HIM, and then knowing that he was content to never ask me at all!

What do the people say? Am I out of the loop and doomed for life until I accept this as a possible reality for myself? Was Beyonce off the mark and instead of bein up in the club, doin her own lil thang she should have put a ring on him? Who buys the ring? Surely she does. Then who puts it on who? Someone please, tell me how this works!

Questions, questions, DISCUSS!