Catching Feelings…

FriendsWithBenefits

I’m sure everyone has been in that situation in which you and another are just kicking it as friends (with or without benefits) and you think that all is well as is. Well I’m pretty positive that this happens often as numerous people have been chatting with me about this and I’ve actually experienced it myself. You guys clearly have a lot in common or else the time spent would be miserable, but you both claim that a relationship is just not what you want at that point. Either you have both admitted this to be the case or the conversation has never been directly had but it has been implied by the fact that the two of you are simply platonic friends. Like Jeezy said, “It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood. All’s well that ends well…Birds are chirping, dogs are barking. It’s beautiful!”

I would say that about 80% of the time it does not stay that way. What happens next? Someone catches feelings.

(make sure you push stop, or else you’ll be feeling all depressed as it keeps looping)

You know how that conversation goes:
Them: So I’ve been thinking…
You: *being a bit naive, but starting to get worried* Oh yea*? About what?
Them: Well…..we need to talk.
You: *light bulb goes off. Great. Just great.* We talk all the time. What’s up?
Them: Where is this going?
You: *pretending to be naive* What do you mean?
Them: Hmmm *deep in thought* I’m just saying. You know I like you, and I feel like you like me…..*after this point you no longer hear a word they say*

After this revelation typically the friendship is now strained. Everything was going so well and now the utopia that y’all had built up is ruined! You thought it was understood that this wasn’t going anywhere! It just *was*. You can’t go back to just hanging out now because there’s this cloud of expectation hanging over your head. If you were sexing that’s completely out of the question now because they might slip and say “I love you” and THEN what would you do? The friendship is now ruined.

But can you save it?

Perhaps. Maybe it’s not a bad thing. Perhaps truthfully you actually did like that person too but you just didn’t have the manjangles to broach the topic first. The whole process of dating is all about nerves and overcoming them. Comfortableness and trust. Or on the other hand, you truly did not wish to take the relationship any further but you’re a smart and reasonable person and you are able to diffuse the situation honestly and carefully enough that your strong friendship is able to make it through unscathed. If this happens then you are truly awesome and chances are in a few months it will be you that’s head over heels in love with that person while they have moved on. Such is life.

I’m curious though. These days where women are freaking out about being single for life (especially if you are Black) and men are not trying to get married anytime soon, but are constantly talking about wanting that certain “wifey”, shouldn’t you want to be with a friend? If meeting a girl in the club is out, and women can’t stand to be “holla’d” at, what’s the most sure-fire way to find your mate? I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T. women these days don’t want to be approached or offered a gentleman’s hand and the post-Plies generation of men only want Becky and nothing else, so what really gives? It would seem to me that if you found a friend of the opposite sex that you are comfortable with, enjoy spending time with, and are attracted to, then why not? I think far too often we are too caught up and concerned with the colors of the grass and their shades of green (another post for another time). As quickly as we move through information these days when it comes to relationships we rarely live in the “right now”. He or She is perfect “right now” but you don’t see tht because you’re too concerned with “maybe later”.

So readers, what do you think? If in a friendship feelings start to develop should that person swallow them or try to approach the topic? Is it worth the risk?

*shrugs* I’m not really sure. I try to always say what I mean. If I say I’m not interested in a relationship then I’ll stand by that. When it changes I’ll let that be known by keeping it real. I know that women are notorious for agreeing to “non-committed relationships” in the hopes of turning the tide, but that is just the okee doke setup for sure!

So my opinion would be to keep it real. Not just with the “Friend” but with yourself as well.

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Ladies, I am not the enemy

I consider myself to be a pretty cool chick. I’m a good friend to anyone that wishes to be befriended. I love sports, I love good music, and I cook. Who wouldn’t want to be my friend? Well, it would seem that sometimes there are those out there that wish I would fall off the face of the earth, for no reason at all. No reason at all you say!? Posh! Who would wish that? Well.. I call her… *The Girlfriend of the Eternal Side-eye*

Let me explain.

I have plenty guys friends. Probably just as many as I have female. We hang out, go to concerts, go skateboarding, or talk about the TV shows we mutually like. Nothing that I wouldn’t do with my girls (no ho… eh…I dunno what this would be… is that a *pause*?? I don’t know). If my male friends are single, that doesn’t change our dynamic. We’re just friends. If my male friends are in relationships then chances are I will taper any communication to make sure that it falls in between the hours of 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. every day barring I’m not about to die on the corner and need help and he’s the only person that answered. Additionally, I will not tag pictures of us on Facebook (despite them being clearly platonic), nor will I even allow potentially suspect encounters to arise. But here’s the biggest thing, I’ll probably also be your biggest ally, and you won’t even know it.

Yes… that’s right. I’m on your side.

It’s like this, he and I are friends for a reason. Whether being more than that was ever on the table or not, we’re friends now. This means that it has either never happened or it didn’t work, but we’re strictly just friends now. So the point stands that I do not want your boyfriend. As a woman, I will always protect the interests of other women so naturally I am on your side. Being that I am his friend, I am potentially a bit more privy to information that you may not know. I may know when he’s thinking about cheating, I may know when he actually does it. I may know that you’re his side chick, and I may know what makes the “main” the… well main chick. What you don’t know however is how I constantly tell him he’s wrong, I explain to him in logical ways how what he’s doing will affect you, and I’m able to do it without being emotional, crying, or biased because… I don’t want him. He knows that I’m speaking from the point of doing “the right thing”. Clearly I’m more his friend than yours so I am looking out for his best interests which often includes doing right by you. I take relationships seriously, would never interfere in yours, and won’t sit idly by as you get dicked over.

So why all the hate?

I was talking to a friend of mine who is in a relationship and he said “I can see why though. You’re too cool.” Well that’s a lovely compliment…. but I don’t get it. He further explained that I fill voids in the areas that the girls may be lacking. Perhaps his girl hates sports. Perhaps she hates going to Talib concerts. These are all things I like to do, so the girl sees it as him choosing me over her. I gave in… Okay Okay I see that. But if you see me as your enemy, what ever happened to that old adage “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer”? I’m not writing this as a call begging the girlfriend’s of my friends to want to be friends (sounds like a rap lyric), but I am saying, stop fighting me.

It’s not like I’ve never been in your position before. I’ve dated men who had NO male friends. Not only that, but they had slept with 90% of their close female friends. Sure it was uncomfortable at times, but it was about clarity, security, trust, and honesty. They were upfront with me about their friendships, clear about the importance of maintaining them as well as a healthy relationship with me, and I trusted them. This actually really worked out, and in most cases me and those girls became friends, and are still friends. We almost talk more than me and my exes!

So please don’t tell me that I don’t understand, or that it’s different. It’s really not. You could be potentially screwing yourself over in your relationship due to jealousy, insecurities, and a dash of competitive cattiness. If he values my opinion and everytime you’re around me you’re side-eyeing me and being catty, talking behind my back, and acting the fool, well I’ll stop having your back too. Next time you’re at the house and he leaves to go grab some food, don’t try cuddling up to me for info. When I see you with your hands in his drawers best believe I’m texting him as you do it.

I am not the enemy.

But I can be.

**** I don’t write this to lash out at anyone in particular, but more so as a “lesson learned”. Ladies, stop worrying about the small stuff. You’re so “jealous of his girl friend” a la Alica Keys, that you are missing out on the opportunies to improve your relationship. You telling him that he can’t be friends with his friends will not help your cause. I’m not saying to be naive. I know sometimes the “friend” is plotting against you for her own self-interests, but this is even more reason to keep her closer than ever. Think about it!

Ten things that annoy me about men

****To those of you who read here and over at FXP I apologize for the re-post so soon, but I know that most of my readers may not be up on FXP yet, so here is my way to try to bring the two together! Check it out.

This is in response to this post about the Top 10 things that Annoy him about Women.

couple-argument

Mind you I made this post to be almost as obnoxious and ludicrous as the above mention post. Enjoy, flame, proceed. I also know that REAL men don’t act this way….that’s the problem. Too many boys.

10: Man-Whores

We say “Man” whore because it seems the term Whore is commonly used to refer to women alone. Not so. This topic has been covered over and over again on this site, and so at least I feel like everyone gets it. If you are out giving it up willy nilly left and right you are a Whore. Men the days of touting your sexual laundry list that is longer than The Constitution are over. Women hate man whores. You do not get bonus points for having conquered your entire senior class back in college. Just stop.

9. Your insane double standards….

You can cheat on a woman and beg forgiveness, which you may or may not get depending on said woman’s benevolence and patience. However the minute I don’t kill a guy for sending me a flirty text when he knows I’m not single, you are ready to start World War 3. It’s not enough for you that I simply ignored the text. Or hell, I may have responded “You know I’m with so and so, don’t be inappropriate.” It doesn’t matter. The green-eyed monster in you finds its way out and now your feelings are hurt and you won’t even let me explain. You live by the “look but don’t touch law” but if we did it, that’s grounds for dismissal. Shame on it all. I don’t condone infidelity in any way, but don’t act like you get a pass because you’re a man.

8. Your inability to crawl from under your mother….

Look, I love my mother too. And if I’m dating you, I hope to love yours as well. I’m all about respect and hope that my sons will treat me with the appropriate level of love and kindness. However, if when I cook (I said WHEN) you can’t stop yourself from comparing my every move to how yo’ mama did it we will have a problem. If I’m cleaning and you constantly remind me that yo’ mama does it this way or that way, we will have a problem. Grow up.

7. Denying your kids.

(I’m adding this one since the other poster added bad kids w/o being gracious to those women who raise wonderful kids). Look, if you are trying to act like you don’t have children when I’m first getting to know you, bringing them up later is not going to make it all better. I’m going to think you are a loser for not being proud of them from the jump. Also, if you aren’t taking care of your kids, please step to the left.

6. Clowning girls for being “thirsty tricks” when you are the main one feeding them.

Chivalry is so dead. I hear more men complain about Gold Diggers and “thirsty tricks” than I hear them mention any other girl of worth. It’s an endless cycle of nothingness. How do you think women came to be this way? Walking around in ATL I get more men offering me money before they even say hello. Thankfully I’m afraid of “duffle bag boys” and people who’s idea of a bank is their deep freezer. I stay clear away. But the point is, men glorify tricking just as much as certain women desire it. Men are always talking about what they can buy someone then get mad when a woman takes them up on it. Y’all want it both ways. You want an old-fashioned modern woman. You want to be the head of the household, but you want her to pay her own way. You want to go dutch on all the meals (or have her pay) but then you want her barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.

5. Overconfidence or Excessive Swagger

You think we have self-esteem issues? This is huge. Too many of y’all go to way too great a length to be unique just like everyone else. You aren’t cool wearing shades in the club especially when there are 50 other men doing the same thing. Your swag is not on a hundred thousand trillion just because you are spending your car payment on bottles in the club. Some men are just not good looking. It’s true. Just like some women aren’t. Everyone can’t be a 10. But do not use swagger as an excuse to overcompensate. You can still be an amazing person and not be good looking. So stop photoshopping your MySpace/Facebook profile pictures of your face to include random colored borders and text that says “Don’t you wish your boyfriend was hot like me?” or some other silly proclamation. No I don’t. If you’re a 2/10 show off your other assets. Instead of hyped up profile pics, make your status updates about how you just saved 10 children from a burning bus, or how you have 5 children in Africa that you sponsor yearly.

4. You are not Mr. Fix It

You expect me to cook… okay, fair enough I suppose as long as you clean the dishes since we’re being modern and all. What I expect of you then is to be able to fix EVERYTHING. My Father can change my tires (I can too), my oil, my brakes, and diagnose any other major problems. He rebuilt our shed, put up a fence, and repaired the hurricane damage to our house. He also re-tiled our kitchen floor and added a matching splashboard over the oven that he throws down on every day. Until you can do similar and even better, do not talk to me about cooking. I’m a great cook, but I was not born to recreate your Mama’s best dishes. I cook it, you fix it. Fair is fair.

3. When men let their friends do the thinking for them.

I am not dating your friends. Granted, I know women are guilty of this too, but some of us have the sense to realize how women operate and not actually do what they tell us. Men listen to their friends hook, line, and sinker. Y’all care way too much about what your friends, and sometimes just guys you know, think. A guy could be hating (yes, it happens) and lie on his wang about your girl and you will drop the future mother of your children because some guy told a lie. You get all nervous and fidgety because men are pointing and laughing at you while you and your girl are walking through the club and you start side-eyeing her instantly. Yet you fail to realize they are laughing at you because your a simp/fake hipster/something totally lame and having nothing to do with your girl. When it comes to playing games, women are masterful at it. So your best bet would be to just not play back. That’s a simple way to end it. Don’t let your friends coach you because it will surely end in disgrace. Drop those losers.

2. You deny being emotional.

You love to poke fun at how we’re so emotional and we cry and on and on and on. However you turn into a hulk at the drop of a hat. You act like a baby when you’re sick, and the minute you get your heartbroken you really want to act a fool. You create weird albums (yet still good) and dress funny with your new crew of guys. You vow to resort back to your old man-whore ways, and once again the only woman you will ever love again in life is your Mother.

1) You refuse to drop your pride and follow logic.

Why can’t you stop and ask for directions? The GPS is messed up and now you want to tap into some non-existent sense of direction that has me (the one who’s phone has Sprint Navigation) pissed off because we’re lost and taking forever. Then when I try to help you want to remind me that you are “the man”. Also, when putting together the entire entertainment system, let us remember that you are probably not Mr. Fix it in 2009 and you should probably look at the directions. As I’m looking at said directions, watching you inch closer and closer to destruction, I have a mind to film when it falls on your head and post it on youtube.

I'm not tryna save that boy

So a few friends of mine over my Google Group were having a discussion about fixer uppers. The conversation was centered around whether or not men date fixer uppers. The common consensus was that women are far more willing to date a man they can “Fix up”. The logic behind this was that women are always looking for a chance to change a man. Also women see it as a challenge to do what no woman has ever done before. Conversely, the question was posed “Do men date fixer uppers?” The response was a bit all over the place. Mainly that men don’t mind dating a girl who could use some fixing, but the difference is they like her just how she is. Men are a big more “I want what I see, and what’s in front of me” as opposed to wanting some future re-vamped version. That’s too much like work.

So this made me think. Why are women always trying to fix men? Additionally why are women always trying to save someone? A man meets a woman fresh out of heartache and he’s cautious and quickly puts her in the “Bone Only” category. A woman meets a man fresh out of heartache and now she wants to save him, pack up all of his baggage for him, ship it to some foreign land, and mend his broken heart. What is THAT about?

Sometimes I feel like our competitive drive gets the best of us. We’re so quick to rush things and jump head first into something, ANYTHING, that we will look past almost every caution sign on the way. I’m not saying that every person who has experienced 808’s & Heartbreak is a fragile pile of mushy tears, but I am saying that perhaps it’s not the best time to push your agenda.

All I’m saying is go for what you want. Not for what you want to mold into a strange version of your own personal Ken Doll. I would hate to be with someone that was no longer THEM but more a rebellious version of what I’ve dreamed up. Men aren’t always the quickest in regards to relationships, but they certainly know when to leave well enough alone. They are good for keeping it simple. Sometimes too simple, but that’s besides the point. We ladies love to over-complicate things and make mountains out of molehills.

Perhaps though, it is a woman’s nurturing nature that leads us to do it. We meet a great guy, he’s carrying a ton of baggage, but we don’t let that get in the way of who we think he really is deep down. Perhaps we aren’t trying to change him as much as get below the baggage. Ahhhh. Something to think about.

So I have some questions: Ladies, have you tried to change a man? What and why? Why not just leave for the one who doesn’t require it? Men, do you date fixer uppers? Have you tried to change a woman?

The Weapon named Sex

Hopped up out the bed this morning, had so much material to write, it was almost too much. Here’s a post from my archives that I thought my newest readers could enjoy, and my older ones may appreciate still.

Is the Sex enough?

No woman wants to admit it because sometimes we don’t notice it. Women use sex to get our way. That’s why make up sex is so effective. I once heard of this rule: If after an argument you have sex, the argument is dead and moot. There is no “bringing it back up”, the sex has resolved all issues. But did it really? It’s more like a transfer of power. Men always want to say that we control all of the power. The power of the P-Pie (as my uncle calls it), the Nonny, the Cookie, whatever you want to call it. Any gentleman will tell you that he proceeds with only the highest level of caution towards the honey pot, and only at the behest of a willing lady. However, women end up with the caught feelings, the parading around in our most scandalous of scantily-clad skivvies (shout out to FB’s Pirate language), and in the end the strongest heartbreak. Why is that? It’s because while we ladies have the lock, the men have the key and they know that we’ll do anything to keep it if it fits.

Let me give you some examples of the point I’m attempting to illustrate.

I was reading another blog once and the author mentioned how it’s hard for men to break up with women. The main reason? Because make-up sex is just so good. The man goes in to end it, she starts crying, the good 4play game comes out, and it’s a wrap. Dwele mentioned this power of persuasion in his song Shady:she followed it up with head shots called fellatio/ She found my weakness that shady mother f*er…” So is the sex enough? The problem is I don’t think it is. In this case, the man no longer wants to be in the situation, but the woman uses the power of ultimate man-confusion and he’s down for the count not thinking clearly. The dust will settle, and our hearts will pay for it.

Erykah Badu sang in Green Eyes/Too Late: “just make love to me/ just one more time and then you’ll see/ I can’t believe I made a desperate plea/ what’s with me?”

But we do this. We think the sex is enough. We think if he will feel us just that one last time, it’ll be enough to convince him that the good times are far better than the bad times, and that they are right around the corner again. I’m sorry ladies but it’s true and it happens. Maybe you’ve grown out of it and you’re better for it, maybe you still do it without thinking. I’m not talking about the women who use sex for money or what have you even though in the Dwele song, she was clearly shady. I’m talking about how sometimes we put our hearts on our Nonny’s thinking that it’ll be easier for him to catch it if it’s there.

Tough lesson to learn I guess, but you soon realize that a man will never say no to vagine, especially one he’s familiar and comfortable with. Even it means letting you think for a little while that he’s there to stay. Women have get better at spotting the real from the fake. Is it possible? Is abstinence the only way? Do we have to surpress our desires and urges just to keep our hearts intact? Or can we learn to play his games too? I think at the end of the day we have to get a grip on reality, and also self-respect. Stop doing things to please him first and practice delayed gratification.

I wrote this post after having several “girl talk” conversations in which I heard the same trend. It seemed at the time most ladies were in a slump in their “relationships” with their S.O. and at the root of it, was sex. Some women were using sex like a reward system (wrong wrong and wrong, another post another day), and some women were using sex like a Pez Dispenser (just open, and there’s your candy!).

To answer the question clearly and concisely…..

No.

Single Ladies, Put a ring on HIM?

beyonce_ring480

Necole Bitchie had a blog a while back about how Michael Jai White’s wife Courtney proposed to him because she was tired of waiting. Ms. Bitchie was simply putting it out there that maybe it is okay for women to propose considering that our men are acting as if they don’t want to. She also quoted a very important quote that I’ll share with you over here.

“A stunned White beamed a Kool-Aid smile and responded affirmatively. “I was pleasantly shocked and didn’t feel emasculated at all, ” admits White. ”I immediately said ‘yes’ because I knew that I was going to spend the rest of my life with her whether we got married or not.”

Now, here’s where I get started. Well before I get into that quote, let me just say my piece on the topic. I for one, will not be proposing to no man, no time soon. Call me a traditionalist, call me conservative, call me Susan, I don’t care (Sorry Whitney). I just have very solid ideas for how relationships and marriage should work, and I hope to see those things through for myself. I honestly don’t feel as though my *hang-ups* regarding not proposing to a man will end up in me being single for life. In this day and age it seems like the lines are getting reeeeeaaaaaal blurry when it comes to who is the woman and who is the man. I believe in equal pay for women, and women’s rights and such, but (and maybe it’s my religious beliefs) I do believe that there are certain roles we play in relationships that allow things to work cohesively. No matter who makes the most money in my household the man will be the man and I will be the woman. That means he can act as provider, he can fix stuff, and I can be the nurturer and I can run the family. Doing these things doesn’t take away from my independence, my ability to also have a job or anything else (see: Michelle Obama, Claire Huxtable (but not the porn version!Nooo!)), or even not allow us to occasionally do things in the other’s role. This meaning, he cooks, or I mow the lawn. With that being said, AINT NO WAY, I’m going to let a man think he can be with me for the rest of my life with or without a spiritual commitment. The Bible says (here I go) “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing.” Not.. “She who finds a husband has found a good thing too.” I give props to Mrs. White (or is he Mr. Chatman?) for stepping to the plate and “putting a ring on it.” It just wouldn’t be me.

His above quote shows just how willing he was to keep her waiting for that special day. Was he planning on having children with her? While many feel like marriage is not a requirement for having children, I for one don’t plan on putting the cart before the horse. Things happen, true, but I don’t want to plan on it. In her situation she had only been dating him for a year. To her that may have been too long, and the pressure to get married may have been strong. I don’t think that’s too long to date before getting married so I know I wouldn’t have been feeling the itch too bad. However, to me, if its been years and he’s not asking I wouldn’t feel like marriage is something he wanted and proposing to him instead would be the last thing on my mind.

I really do wish the best for Mrs. & Mr. Chatman(white?) because no matter how they got there I love to see beautiful married couples. I just can’t wrap my mind around how I could possibly feel comfortable or good knowing that I had to ask HIM, and then knowing that he was content to never ask me at all!

What do the people say? Am I out of the loop and doomed for life until I accept this as a possible reality for myself? Was Beyonce off the mark and instead of bein up in the club, doin her own lil thang she should have put a ring on him? Who buys the ring? Surely she does. Then who puts it on who? Someone please, tell me how this works!

Questions, questions, DISCUSS!

How many wrongs can make it right?

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We all know the story. Two people are in a relationship, one person starts to suspect things aren’t right. New panties/whitey tighties in the mix, all of a sudden he wears cologne, she does her hair just to go to the grocery store. Something is afoot. Here lies the fork in the road. According to the law of the land one is innocent until proven guilty. So then the major piece to the puzzle is the burden of proof. Here comes the invasion of the all too precious privacy.

These days there is either too much or too little privacy. Everyone has a cell phone, two or three email addresses, a Facebook page, a defunt MySpace page, a Twitter account (for those of us who are awesome), and a million other things that could bring about World War III and the return of Jesus. So I guess we could say we diversify our privacy. The dirt that we do on one social media outlet may not be what we do on another. I just wish more people would diversify their passwords so that all of the worlds do not collide.

Either way, here is a breakdown of how this sad story goes.

Person A: Baby/Hunny/Sweetie/Snuffles/Hoe things haven’t been right between us lately. There isn’t someone else is there?

Person B: What are you talking about? *thinks to self: remember to cover tracks* I love you. ONLY you. *Cue Baby Boy scenes. The entire movie hell*

Person A: Yea* I know that. But So and So swore that they saw you at Lenox with someone else.

Person B: You know I don’t shop at Lenox. It wasn’t me. Why are you pressing me? You have nothing to prove I’m doing anything. I told you. I love you.

Person A: You’re right. *thinks to self: start looking for proof*

Sometimes I guess it just isn’t enough to wait for all that is done in the dark to come to the light. Curiosity kills the cat every time. There is an old saying “If you go looking for it, you will find it.” So that’s what happens. Person A goes looking through the phone(s) and the email accounts. They use the same password to get into all of your social networking sites. For as much as we want our privacy, we tend to be real loose when it comes to leaving the laptop unlocked, the Facebook logged in, and the Gmail page still up. Well like the prophesy says, they’ve looked and they’ve found. Now what?

Initial logic tells Person A to go and curse Person B the hell out. Then however, like the true warrior they are, reality sets in and they realize that their attack will be futile as they will not be able to divulge the source of this newfound proof without admitting to espionage. What to do what to do. The minute they admit to this the fight becomes level and ground is lost. You invaded my privacy. You’re cheating.

In this case the two wrongs do not make a right. They cancel each other and instead we’re left with a big ass now what? I think it’s simpler than we make it out to be. Clearly one person doesn’t trust the other or else they wouldn’t have gone through their things. Now Person B doesn’t trust Person A because they realize they are dating a member of the CIA. Additionally one person doesn’t love/respect the other or else they wouldn’t be out doing the dirt.

I think when we say “When you look you find” we are coming from the angle that one is only looking because they suspect something. I would hope that people don’t make the habit of randomly Spying on their mate just because. In that case there is something deeper going on and Lord Have Mercy on that relationship because someone is crazy. I’m sure there are many people out there who are being spied on but will never know because THEY are good people. There’s no fight as long as the record is clean. Too bad the same can’t be said for their spying partner.

In my opinion, it’s not worth it. If you have strong suspicions then you need to confront the person you are dealing with and if you still don’t believe them then end it. Obviously there is a lack of trust and obviously you are not happy. I know this is much harder said than done. Trust me I know. But finding that proof doesn’t make life any better. I opens up many more cans of worms and let’s be real, that’s never fun. Also, notice I wasn’t gender specific here. Women take the brunt of this beating as we are often better than even the best spies and we are quick and efficient when it comes to sneakery. But men y’all do it too. Don’t think we don’t notice when a message we didn’t read has been read (only men would forget to go back and click “Mark as Unread”), don’t think we don’t notice when you’ve scrolled on my Blackberry (I know what screen I left it on). We also notice all those slick comments on things you couldn’t have heard anywhere else. Men if you’re going to spy, step your game up.

To be fair, in my younger days, I can count that I’ve committed two counts of espionage. I have since retired from the Agency and I only go back to mentor the new kids on the block to leave that life behind. It’s not cool, it’s a waste of time, and it will end badly. Trust me.

Your thoughts?