Winterboo updates!

Spooning_Leads_to_Forking

Everyone! Grab your snuggies, slankets, and fuzzy socks! We’re well underway into the winterboo season and I just wanted to check in and be nosy about what everyone is doing. I’m not quite ready to spill the beans on my own “boo-lovin” situation, but let’s just say that mine is a keeper! However, to be fair he was never a winterboo to begin with, buuuuuuut moving on! I sent out a tweet yesterday to ask everyone to update me on their winterboo situations and I got quite a few goodies. I feel bad that I didn’t release this upon Facebook but well, here is everyone’s chance to share their winter happiness!

First the tweets:

Picture 1Picture 2Picture 3Picture 4Picture 5Picture 7Picture 8

Now… let the record show that the second tweet I posted by a Mr. CJ1933 is all fun and jokes and #lies. LOL So it seems that some people are doing quite well in their efforts while others are still on the bench. Never fear! There is still time! With that said here are some things you can focus on for the rest of this winterboo season.

  1. As time wears on the temperature is dropping quickly. Holidays are around the corner. Make wise decisions regarding where your winterboo stands in terms of gift giving and quality time. This should have been outlined in your contract, but in case you slipped up, now is the time to talk about it. I suggest spending limits or avoiding the whole thing altogether. If you are in the boat like many above in which your winterboo is a keeper, pull out the stops. Get the good gifts that aren’t just on the endcaps in Target.
  2. Do not introduce your winterboo to your family unless you plan on keeping them. Winterboodom is a fairly new phenomenon, I believe, so your family probably won’t understand that person’s temporary nature. Plus, what if they really like the winterboo? Now you have a pestering Mother that is going behind your back to negotiate a spring contract. No Bueno.
  3. If you have yet to find a winterboo, I suggest you hop on it fast while you still have time. While the holidays are tricky business for a winterboo situation, there is one holiday where they must be in attendance. New Years. You have to kiss someone at midnight, and no one wants to be the lame at the party with the bottle of that good Bubbly but no one to toast it with. When the ball drops and the clock strikes twelve don’t be that loser in the corner with the sad face while everyone is sucking face. Make sure the winterboo is in place.
  4. Perhaps you were looking diligently these past few weeks for a winterboo and yet you were unsuccessful. I blame it on the wishy washy ways of the weather. (Try saying that three times fast.) I know last week the day before Thanksgiving it was rather hot here in ATL and even hotter when I got down to Florida. However, Jack Frost is back with a vengeance and it’s even snowing in Dallas. I believe people that were acting stuck up before when it was still a bit warm out will be willing to suck it up and cuddle now. Re-issue those applications and check your spam mail for any that may have fallen through the cracks.
  5. Do not put your winterboo situation on blast on Facebook. Everyone knows that Facebook makes things official so if you do that, might as well hunker down for the long-haul.

That’s all I have for now. I’m more interested in hearing everyone else’s updates and any tips you may have as we near the end of the first quarter of the winterboo season. What say ye!? LOL

Oh and one last thing….if your winterboo situation is not working out, it’s time to switch it up. No need to be miserable over a temporary solution to a short-term problem. Drop and head back to point number 4 above. That is all.

Need Help Finding Your Winter Boo?

Winter_Love_Story_1

So this week a dear friend told me that I do all this blogging about winter boos and spooning and such, but I don’t talk about how to actually find that (semi)special someone. Well, I took it to the twitter streets to get their opinions and then I’ll offer my own tips.

(Replace SuperBoo with WinterBoo. Works out beautifully!)

First I asked for definitions of winter boos and here’s what I got.

Picture 16

I thought this was especially hilarious. But makes a great point. Winter boos are typically contractual situations. Take this tweet for example:

Picture 13

Picture 5

There can be several ways to manipulate the clauses here clearly. Here one cold wintry day, gone the next “Mostly Sunny” day above 70. If you’re on the “employed” end of the contract, better hope the Groundhog doesn’t see his shadow. Or that he does…..I don’t know how that works.

Ok but on to the tips. Here are some helpful tweets from the twitterati on how to successfully fill the spot of winter boo, or find one for yourself.

Picture 9

Picture 10

Picture 11

Picture 12

Picture 14

Picture 15

Clearly the people I follow are hilarious fools. However, they offer some really good tips. Really I don’t think it’s all that hard for one single person to find another. What makes it difficult is how you transform that newfound friend into a winter boo. Winter boos are different from real boos in that commitment is clearly not the driving force. For those out there wanting to just “do them” or who are afraid of being “locked down” this is the one time that you can hopefully have your cake and eat it too. So go out there and smile and bat those eyelashes at that cute hunny in the Starbucks, Kroger, Barnes & Noble line. Men, don’t be afraid to reach out and say a few short words (keep it simple) and express that you’re feeling that girl’s booty smile. Again, it’s really not that difficult.

Allow me to stress a few really important points. Winter Boodom is a situation in which communication is key. You do not want to have Spring roll around and like a seasonal employee at Target, the future is uncertain. There needs to be a clear understanding of how this season will go. I suggest drafting up an application to be distributed to potential winter boos. Really, this is a way to get quick and to the point. Scroll through your Facebook/Twitter friends lists and pluck some key email addresses. I found my application for boo-loving from last year and I am extremely tempted to post one that was filled out and returned to me, however I shall refrain. Instead I will simply post the screen shot of the prompt that I sent out.

Picture 3

That is funny. The response I got back was more like 300 words, but it was positively hilarious. I followed up this portion of the application process with an interview just to make sure the ground rules were known and understood. Some have actual dates they use, others may go by temperatures (this can be tricky), but I say do whatever works for you. However, if your winter boo proves themselves worthy of all the praise, and you consider giving them another season, just know that you are setting yourself up for a relationship. I support this, but just keep a clear head. Don’t send out an invitation if you can’t handle the responsibilities!

For another contract template check this out.

I think that’s all for now, Good Boo Hunting, and let me know how this all turns out!

Ladies & Gents: Rules For Winter

bansko-tourism

Good Monday everyone! I am back in effect from a week of blog vacation and I’m feeling great! And by great I mean extremely cold. Anyways, I have been holding off on this post because I figured I had some time but it seems as though Al Gore was right! This global warming thing is a beast and winter came early! I propose that we get rid of Fall, call it Winter instead, and call winter months “Hold On To Your Short & Curlys” Season… Too much? Ok we’ll call it “BRRRR” for short. (GUCCI)

So either way, I figured that with Winter HERE (37 degrees this morning people. In the A. No Bueno) now would be a good time to discuss the Do’s and Don’ts for the Winter season.

Ladies, let me speak to you first.

What I have to say is very important so read carefully. Just because these months are cold and we spend most of our time covered up, does not mean that you can neglect the feminine landscape. I’m sorry ladies, you will have to continue to wax, shave, nair, veet, or whatever as the year turns the corner. Since Spooning is now in effect, no reasonable person wants to snuggle up to a burly woman. If his legs rubbing against your legs is enough to start a small fire, we need to take a step back and reevaluate. It is unacceptable for you to ignore the bikini line just because there are no bikinis. Besides, you should be landscaping for reasons above and beyond poolside displays.

Also ladies, it is not cute to stand outside of the club, movie theater, mall, where ever you like to go, shivering, teeth chattering, skin turning translucent all because you just HAD to wear those booty shorts. I understand that while it’s cold outside it can get pretty hot inside of a club, but let’s be for real for a second. You can dress sexily while still covering up some parts and maintaining your cool while dancing. You are sending out all the wrong signals when you walk up to the club wearing Beyonce’s line of body suits and a pair of Dereon pumps in 30 degree weather. Do they make shoes? If they do I bet they are a bedazzled phenomenon. At least wear a reasonable jacket so that you don’t look like a person who rode the short bus in their childhood. Common sense is not common to everyone, but if you are wearing heels that have you all exposed to the elements, don’t be mad when people laugh at your Ostrich walk to the car. We know you can’t feel your toes.

On to the gentlemen

Do not think that you are absolved from manscaping as well. That bush on your face was not there in July and it’s looking crazy on you in November. They have scarves for a reason. You don’t see me hiding behind a beard so that is no excuse. If that were the case you would grow an afro to keep that big head of yours warm. Instead you wear a hat, so here’s a scarf, please handle that. Also, if you practice manscaping in other areas, please be sure to keep that up as well. Winter is never the time to “let yourself go”.

Like I said to the ladies this is the time to dress appropriately. With you however, this does not give you the excuse to wear sweat pants and hoodies all day and night. Be comfortable sure, but do not regress to your teenage athletic years and break out all of your high school sweat suits. No Bueno.

Also men, take your vitamins. I’m talking Vitamin C, Echinecea, Multivitamins, whatever. I say this because when you get sick, it’s the end of the world. You become a big babbling baby that only your mother could love. You want me to cook you Chicken Soup from scratch, rub your back, and put Vicks over your nose like “Mommy” does. That’s all well and good but when I’m sick, all you can do is show up with a bottle of Orange Juice (not even the Simply Orange good stuff) and some Tydenol (probably the wrong kind). So in the vein of reciprocity, unless your mother lives nearby, I suggest you do your best to stay healthy.

Rules we could all live by

Winter is a time in which one can really show off their style and fashion sense. It’s harder to string together awesome outfits when you have more to work with. However, you will be rewarded many more points on your selections during the winter. Your ability to layer, pick a perfect scarf, rock a suit with a trenchcoat, wear the sexiest boots will surely ensure your winterboo options are plentiful. Also, if I see pictures on Facebook of ANYONE wearing the Pajamas with the feet I will defriend you. (Tab you are the only exception. LOL)

Winter is also the perfect time to be creative in other ways. The joy of going out is extremely diminished when you have to pile on layers of clothes, warm the car up 15 minutes early, stand in lines, or just be cold period. It would behoove you to have fun creative things to do at home. Have your DVD collection stocked up and recent, get the really cute and comfy blankets within reach, and keep the cabinets stocked with all of the best wintertime goodies. Make sure you have eggnog and brandy in constant inventory, cookies, and hearty meals.

~~~~~

Ok I just got a really warm and fuzzy feeling. Despite the fact that I am freezing my behind off in the office today, I love this time of year. The domestic side of me is in full force and I love to decorate, cook, and be merry. I feel like this is the most intimate time of year. Sure during the summer it’s all about skin and splashing around, but this is when things get cozy and comfy. I look forward to big meals and dinner parties, pumpkin spice and lattes. Soft hairless skin and warm blankets. Bring it on winter!

What is your favorite part of the winter season? What rules do you have for this delicate time of year?

Tis the Season to be Spooning

spoon

*sing it with me now* Fa La La La La! La La…La…La!

Well previously I wrote a post about The Rules of Spooning and I would like to bring those back along with some other things for you to chew on, rub on, or…..Sorry, got carried away.

First up, here are the rules as defined by Me:

  • Agreement to commence a spooning session does not imply agreement to Fork.
  • If spooning session takes place during hours of rest, please refrain from uncontrollable thrusting. It’s disturbing.
  • Please learn the proper techniques of spoonage. This will keep you from shifting irritatingly during the spooning session.
  • I do not mind the occasional rub and massage here and there during spooning, but if this is a clearly  disclosed non-forking spooning session, please do not get out of hand.
  • If I fall asleep during spooning please do not act weird and see this as an opportunity to feel me up and explore my body. If I wake up during said actions, I will kill you in a very Lifetime Movie Special way.
  • I do not mind if you nuzzle into my neck, it’s warming, but if you have a hard time breathing properly, this may not be the best position for you. All of that extra hot air and Pug-like snorting is awkward.
  • I understand that you are male and this is a very intimate position. If nature takes over I will not be offended. However be aware that in the case of this happening, I will use this time to determine what you are working with. This could end in two ways. Think about it.
  • Body heat is a powerful thing. If you feel me break out into a sweat, perhaps we should take a break. I’m just saying.
  • There is nothing wrong with Sporking. This is when the woman is the lead Spooner. Men give it a try. I believe scholars maintain that it is much like being in the womb again. You know you like that.

As the fall seems to be rushing to us, and the air is getting crisper (unless you live in NYC) and cooler, it is important that we begin to understand these rules ahead of time. However, what I really want to focus on is how we can avoid getting ourselves in faulty spooning situations to begin with. I know that as the winter approaches the desire to be boo’d up is strong. No one wants to brave those cold nights alone. However, this year it is happening quickly and is expected to be pretty harsh. I do not wish my readers to run out there and grab the first thing running. This is a sure-fire way to set yourself up for the okee doke come Spring time.

With all of that said, this year I refer you AWAY from recent Twitter Trending Topics (#dontwifeher, #dontcuffhim, #wifeher, #cuffhim, etc) because those will surely get you in trouble (and make you look silly) and I want you to focus on all the work that goes into finding the perfect Spooner.

The perfect spooner should be one that you can hold deep, complex conversations with. I say this because it’s not like you just go straight to spooning and this needs to be someone that you have an adequate level of comfort with. Additionally, unless you are watching a good movie or something (difficult for the spooner not so much the spoonee) chances are you are laying there in spooning bliss and the silence might get too strange. So what better moment to discuss each others views on the Public Option than when you are encased in the warmth that only the human body can provide.

In addition to having a chatty partner that’s witty and intelligent to boot, size does matter. Think of it more as proportions. If you are a male and it is important to you that you remain the Spooner then I suggest that you look for someone that would be a good fit as the Spoonee. This allows for maximum comfort. If she is bigger than you then chances are a few of your body parts will go numb and instead of nuzzling into her hair or neck you will instead be forced to meet the small hairs on her back that you were previously ignorant to. If you don’t mind being the Spoonee and enjoying a Sporking session then by all means, pick the amazonian woman of your dreams. Also, I think for these moments, a Spooning candidate with a little heft to them is actually welcomed and appreciated. While I’m always grinding in the gym, I let it go for a little bit in the winter time because I like to be at maximum body heat potential. Additionally, having a little cushion aids in grippage.

Now these are a few things to get you started in the proper direction. I hope that this spooning season you are well informed and equipped to make the best decisions you can. Remember, your actions this winter can determine your spring. Sure you may wish to retire your spooning partner once the season ends, but they may not want to retire you. It is imperative that you are relentless in your vetting of a partner. Now by most predictions, you have until about November (unless you are in Chicago, in that case you have until tomorrow) to really have your candidates narrowed down to one. Take your time and get it right.

In the meantime, watch this video to make sure that you know what you’re doing. I don’t want you to to #fail on my watch!

The Rules of Spooning Engagement

Spooning is a sacred art. I feel that not many people truly know how to experience and share this special intimate moment. I have come to this conclusion after randomly polling my random sample of friends who really have no business speaking on matters beyond what their education taught them. So I will for the sake of all people who enjoy a good cuddling session, give a brief breakdown of the act of Spooning.

First off it seems as though the actual definition of spooning has led to many a miscommunication.

Wikipedia defines Spooning as “a cuddling position, a kind of hugging when both the hugger and the hugged persons face the same direction, i.e., the front of one person is in contact with the back of the second one.[4]
The Urban Dictionary supports this definition complete with a cute picture.

spooning-34097Awww

However, some take it a step further and include the sexual position while defining the art of Spooning. For the purpose of this blog lets talk about what I’ll call Simple Spooning. This of course can lead to sex but I prefer to call when that happens Forking. If you follow where I’m going, you understand.

So Simply Spooning is basically the cuddling version of said activity. I find this to be an absolute joy to do but I do feel like there are rules of engagement. I was told that this is a completely platonic activity and I totally disagree. I feel there is no way that Simple Spooning is just platonic and never leads to at least minds wandering. So while taking this stance I give to you:

My Spooning Rules of Engagement:

  • •Agreement to commence a spooning session does not imply agreement to Fork.
  • •If spooning session takes place during hours of rest, please refrain from uncontrollable thrusting. It’s disturbing.
  • •Please see the below video for proper instruction on how to cuddle properly without losing use of your arm. This will keep you from shifting irritatingly during the spooning session.
  • •I do not mind the occasional rub and massage here and there during spooning, but if this is a clearly  disclosed non-forking spooning session, please do not get out of hand.
  • •If I fall asleep during spooning please do not act weird and see this as an opportunity to feel me up and explore my body. If I wake up during said actions, I will kill you in a very Lifetime Movie Special way.
  • •I do not mind if you nuzzle into my neck, it’s warming, but if you have a hard time breathing properly, this may not be the best position for you. All of that extra hot air and Pug-like snorting is awkward.
  • •I understand that you are male and this is a very intimate position. If nature takes over I will not be offended. However be aware that in the case of this happening, I will use this time to determine what you are working with. This could end in two ways. Think about it.
  • •Body heat is a powerful thing. If you feel me break out into a sweat, perhaps we should take a break. I’m just saying.
  • •There is nothing wrong with Sporking. This is when the woman is the lead Spooner. Men give it a try. I believe scholars maintain that it is much like being in the womb again. You know you like that.

I believe that is all for now, or at least all that my pre-noon mind could come up with. If I discover more, I shall post an addendum. I am all for the safe and proper execution of Spooning.

Oh and the video I promised! It wouldn’t let me embed so I implore you that if you want to get this right, you must click and watch.

How To Avoid Trapped Arm Whilst Cuddling In Bed.

Your thoughts?